Miserable night....

My family does nothing but make the things missing in my life that much more apparent.

Reese's monitors FUBAR so he came over to pik up his spare; so I had to put up with my mother and my brothers usual pissing contests. After listening to essentially the same set of conversations repeated at least 15 times, I started laughing and offered an analogy. "If two and two is equal to two and two, and two and three is equal to three and two,m and so on, do we really have to walk through the entire set of real numbers, which just happens to be pretty darn infinite?". Combined with my comments on having to hear the same damn convo again and again and AGAIN! They eventually got the point and changed their broken record to another! 20-30 minutes later I said screw it, and sat down on the computer.


Family is excellent at using you, making you feel miserable,


One of the people we work for was having a computer issue and of course offered to help, in reply to her reply, I explained: there is being used and there is being useful, and I like to be useful; I left out that my immediate family only knows my name when they want something 8=).


Tonight I've also been badgered over my eyes which are not as good as they used to be; being cooped up at home so much with nothing else to do but sit in front of a computer, what do you expect? And that I obviously will need glasses (or contacts, not that I was asked which in their debate 8-) before I'll be able to get a license. (Duh, I'm not a dumb ass!) And the list just goes on - I'm tired of putting up. I love my family dearly but I honestly wonder why I have bothered to speak to any of them, since at least 1995~1994; the year reference is because by 1995~1996 I already knew things were headed for the shits, and had already been so miserable for a good while....


I really don't want to have much to do with my immediate family. I think if I ever moved out, I'd probably call them each once a cycle and leave it at that for the most part, lol. It's just less painful to avoid unnecessary involvement. In my general opinion, I think they really ceased to "know me" years and years ago: when me and a few friends were essentially swapping how well do you know me type quizes, in writing mine, I had a sinking feeling at what my family would do if given it (I don't dare lol).



All in all the more I am around them the worse I feel, and ever more so do I long for what I seek in life: and wonder if I shall ever find it. It is the hope of finding what I seek, that keeps me moving, and I refuse to be shaken.