In cleaning out a hard drive, I stumbled across a personal DokuWiki I was running. It has various stuff in it, ranging from stuff such as a guide to making Live Operations and tryout info. For momento's sake I guess, since [SAS] was such a big part of my life, I've adapted the Service History part of my own wiki entry.
It can be found here.
Showing posts with label SAS Memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SAS Memories. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Servants Creed
Some how I can't help but remember what I told a friend and [SAS] member on my way out of [SAS].
Such is the nature of someone who follows orders and serves without seeking their own political benefit.
"Lived in shadow, died in shadow"
Such is the nature of someone who follows orders and serves without seeking their own political benefit.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Resigning My Warrant: Spidey01's original
Before dinner, this post was made by me in Clan Topics at approximately 00:29 UTC on www.sasclan.org:
That post was written as a text file on my laptop, and copy/pasted into the forums, just as it has been copy/pasted into this journal entry. What you see in the above quote, is exactly how I wrote it: it is the authoritative copy.
[SAS]_Maj_WIZ has since moved it: but I expect, has not edited it. After dinner, I addressed a private e-mail to [SAS]_CO_Random notifying him accordingly of this action, and putting my effects in order: namely that I expect my forum account returned to me once the locks are changed, and that I explicitly turn over all express legal rights to any code that I've contributed to [SAS], to any acting CO of the team past/present/future and for all time. Legally because of the U.S. involvement (on Randoms side), the code in question already belongs to [SAS]'s commanding officer, same as the draft documents Rouge and company submitted before leaving [SAS].
Having been sufficiently been further insulted and verbally threatened by the good Major, I've placed him on my IM clients temporary block list. I'll not waste further breath with him on the issue.
Since this is my turf and not [SAS] private property, I will add a few details to my above post. The issue in question, I will explain it here.
In the public view (as of this time of writing, although I wouldn't be surprised if [SAS] will remove it from public view, or *finally* edit the damn thing in response to this), on www.sasclan.org in the tactics section is an Raven Shield V-Comms SOP page that was authored by [SAS]_Capt_En4cer in 2007.
One of it's entries says this:
This use of calling "Objective Reached" when taking your Point of Domination, is something that [SAS]_Capt_En4cer pushed down the necks of [SAS]_SSM_Spidey01 and [SAS]_SSM_Rasa years ago, and that we in turn pushed it out to the rest of the clan. In SWAT 4, we have used "On it" IAW the GCHQs approval. You can't pass by our SWAT server without picking that up.
On the night of March 24th, in a private conversation with [SAS]_Maj_WIZ, the major countermanded this [SAS] SOP, and blatantly refused to notify the membership.
Since then, I have pushed very hard that if the MAJOR has just threw out that SOP, then every one must be informed that it has been null-n-voided. Other wise, the Major is wrong and has failed to keep up to date with [SAS] Tactical matters. My private conversations with the Major on the issue have had very brutal moments: as WIZ has admitted and spoken to me about over the years, what he has done to members (in particular the occasional cracker, people now residing in NTF, and ex SAS members not in good standing with SAS or NTF), I do not consider myself bound by [SAS] CoH in our private chats, any more than he has demonstrated his own obedience to it. As the Major only kept himself CoH bound (in that regard) when using [SAS] forum and VoIP systems, I followed the same conduct, having heard nothing from Random about it: not a peep over 6 years.
During my shoving to have the issue resolved, I also noted that if GCHQ would fail to notify the membership of this important (and sudden) change to active SOP, that as WO1, I must either issue an order of my own, notifying the membership, or I must give up my Warrant.
In doing so, I have had my honour and integrity questioned, accused of being an NTF agent (it's WIZ's job to do so in both those cases), and in effect, having my physical person threatened with bodily harm. I have also had to tolerate enumerable "Mind games", which we all know how highly I consider those a disrespect for my intelligence.
[SAS]_CO_Random was contacted and asked to deal with this, as he is the only one with authority above Major. I was made to wait several weeks to receive so much as a word from Random on the issue, who has since done nothing -- I have not been informed. Worse then that, it was only after (as friends rather then colleagues) notifying WIZ with a draft post, issuing the aforementioned order and requesting to GCHQ that I be demoted to [SAS]_Trp_Spidey01 -- as that is the most value Randoms inaction has allowed me to contribute. Only after sending WIZ that message, did I hear from Random. I have not received further notification of this since then! This effectively made my position as WO1, totally pointless.
Today, I was notified by a LCpl about training still being conducted with "On it", and noted this to [SAS]_Maj_WIZ in private: who summery brushed it off, after which I noted either the membership still needs notification or the LCpl in question needs a wuppin' for the foul up. I was still met with the same run around.
Thus, I have resigned my warrant, and so conclude my responsibility as an [SAS] member.
Most of the past and present members in my Clan Topics post, have also had a huge impact (IMHO) in damaging the [SAS] I joined, among other things: causing damage to the eliteness (WIZ has fought against this), and something I hear NTF members grip about their leadership over! Every action I've taken or planned to curb that problem in [SAS] in the years leading up to the recent falling out of several members, has been met with my superiors tying my hands, or delegating it to incompetents. So this was just the biggest insult of them all.
So at this point: I do not feel, that I have left the [SAS] that I joined, I feel that the team I have loved all these years, is being or has been pushed over the edge of existence.
On March 24th an important issue arose between [SAS]_Maj_WIZ and myself, in regard to his apparent countermanding of established [SAS] SOP and long standing orders of [SAS]_Capt_En4cer. In dealing with both [SAS]_Maj_WIZ and [SAS]_CO_Random, to properly clarify and document the final outcome of this for it's obvious *immeidate* impact on our training affairs, I have generally been screwed in one ear and out the other, or run around one three and six more blocks trying to resolve this.
For over a month I have been patient, whilst my CO has left my hands tied, unable to furfil my duties as a [SAS] Member, and I've met everything from the Major short of threatening my dogs life. Well gentlemen, I believe it is time to call this farce over. [b]If I cannot be allowed to furfil my duties, then I shall not hold my rank[/b].
It is with that in mind, that I hear by resign my Warrant.
I have served this team almost self sacrificially since the very moment that I landed foot on these hollow grounds... only to suffer countless incidences of the same over my years. Random, WIZ, En4cer, Rouge, Valroe, Sniper, Timbo, and Medic have all been apart of doing this to me over my many years, when I'm screwed a month straight by the Commanding Officer, I think it is time for a man to draw the line.
[color=yellow]It is my first ever and my parting order, that this post is not to be edited, nor is this thread to be moved.[/color]
That post was written as a text file on my laptop, and copy/pasted into the forums, just as it has been copy/pasted into this journal entry. What you see in the above quote, is exactly how I wrote it: it is the authoritative copy.
[SAS]_Maj_WIZ has since moved it: but I expect, has not edited it. After dinner, I addressed a private e-mail to [SAS]_CO_Random notifying him accordingly of this action, and putting my effects in order: namely that I expect my forum account returned to me once the locks are changed, and that I explicitly turn over all express legal rights to any code that I've contributed to [SAS], to any acting CO of the team past/present/future and for all time. Legally because of the U.S. involvement (on Randoms side), the code in question already belongs to [SAS]'s commanding officer, same as the draft documents Rouge and company submitted before leaving [SAS].
Having been sufficiently been further insulted and verbally threatened by the good Major, I've placed him on my IM clients temporary block list. I'll not waste further breath with him on the issue.
Since this is my turf and not [SAS] private property, I will add a few details to my above post. The issue in question, I will explain it here.
In the public view (as of this time of writing, although I wouldn't be surprised if [SAS] will remove it from public view, or *finally* edit the damn thing in response to this), on www.sasclan.org in the tactics section is an Raven Shield V-Comms SOP page that was authored by [SAS]_Capt_En4cer in 2007.
One of it's entries says this:
V-4-6 =Objective Reached.
This command is issued by any elemental member. This command is most often heard following a 'Reform On My Position' command by the EL or once a member has reached their respective Point Of Domination (POD) during a dynamic entry, and lastly if the elemental member has been assigned to locate a specific location critical to mission success. Most often this location will be beyond the visual scope of the EL and this command acknowledges that the element member is alive, in the correct position for the task at hand and is able to engage threats as required. When the element initially forms up on the EL the only member that MUST say this command would be the Rear Guard for all other members this command is optional during initial form up.
This use of calling "Objective Reached" when taking your Point of Domination, is something that [SAS]_Capt_En4cer pushed down the necks of [SAS]_SSM_Spidey01 and [SAS]_SSM_Rasa years ago, and that we in turn pushed it out to the rest of the clan. In SWAT 4, we have used "On it" IAW the GCHQs approval. You can't pass by our SWAT server without picking that up.
On the night of March 24th, in a private conversation with [SAS]_Maj_WIZ, the major countermanded this [SAS] SOP, and blatantly refused to notify the membership.
Since then, I have pushed very hard that if the MAJOR has just threw out that SOP, then every one must be informed that it has been null-n-voided. Other wise, the Major is wrong and has failed to keep up to date with [SAS] Tactical matters. My private conversations with the Major on the issue have had very brutal moments: as WIZ has admitted and spoken to me about over the years, what he has done to members (in particular the occasional cracker, people now residing in NTF, and ex SAS members not in good standing with SAS or NTF), I do not consider myself bound by [SAS] CoH in our private chats, any more than he has demonstrated his own obedience to it. As the Major only kept himself CoH bound (in that regard) when using [SAS] forum and VoIP systems, I followed the same conduct, having heard nothing from Random about it: not a peep over 6 years.
During my shoving to have the issue resolved, I also noted that if GCHQ would fail to notify the membership of this important (and sudden) change to active SOP, that as WO1, I must either issue an order of my own, notifying the membership, or I must give up my Warrant.
In doing so, I have had my honour and integrity questioned, accused of being an NTF agent (it's WIZ's job to do so in both those cases), and in effect, having my physical person threatened with bodily harm. I have also had to tolerate enumerable "Mind games", which we all know how highly I consider those a disrespect for my intelligence.
[SAS]_CO_Random was contacted and asked to deal with this, as he is the only one with authority above Major. I was made to wait several weeks to receive so much as a word from Random on the issue, who has since done nothing -- I have not been informed. Worse then that, it was only after (as friends rather then colleagues) notifying WIZ with a draft post, issuing the aforementioned order and requesting to GCHQ that I be demoted to [SAS]_Trp_Spidey01 -- as that is the most value Randoms inaction has allowed me to contribute. Only after sending WIZ that message, did I hear from Random. I have not received further notification of this since then! This effectively made my position as WO1, totally pointless.
Today, I was notified by a LCpl about training still being conducted with "On it", and noted this to [SAS]_Maj_WIZ in private: who summery brushed it off, after which I noted either the membership still needs notification or the LCpl in question needs a wuppin' for the foul up. I was still met with the same run around.
Thus, I have resigned my warrant, and so conclude my responsibility as an [SAS] member.
Most of the past and present members in my Clan Topics post, have also had a huge impact (IMHO) in damaging the [SAS] I joined, among other things: causing damage to the eliteness (WIZ has fought against this), and something I hear NTF members grip about their leadership over! Every action I've taken or planned to curb that problem in [SAS] in the years leading up to the recent falling out of several members, has been met with my superiors tying my hands, or delegating it to incompetents. So this was just the biggest insult of them all.
So at this point: I do not feel, that I have left the [SAS] that I joined, I feel that the team I have loved all these years, is being or has been pushed over the edge of existence.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
If only you could see my grin
*rubs hands together evilly*, oh this is going to be soooo good. If anyones got a copy of rvs, take a look at the server list, hehe.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Reflections upon times past
I've been sitting here a while, mostly stiring the thoughts around, my brains always been a stew pot. Mostly I've been looking back over my times in SAS. I can still see all the people I've known, the names are pages long now. My thoughts have gotten me to the point of hysterical tears, but I actually do feel a hell of a lot better... if a bit out of character. That's the difference between the man and the machine.
The amount of time I've putted in, the era I joined up, the distance I place, helps me to look at things and see the truths there. It gives me a way of seeing things no other member I've met understands, because either they are to close, or to blind. That's something that's always separated me from my peers, past and present.
I came to SAS during a golden era, one hard fought for under Randoms command. Either it was SAS's second or first golden era, perhaps even third, I'm to young to know that. The first great war I witnessed came during Heims period as commanding officer, it nearly destroyed SAS, and it helped push the "Good ol'days" into the history books, where us old farts and the aging farts still remember them. I saw the first and only Dishonorable Discharge (DD) in SAS history, and almost the entire clan either walk out or die of a broken heart; those who didn't agree with James getting booted, and those that were so hurt at what the incident cost us. Most of my best friends in SAS drifted off into nothing, to damaged by it to participate as they once did, but caring to much for SAS to harm her by dropping out on the spot. It was a bloody mess, one I spent collecting information and dispersing it to the other members, trying to help them keep the faith. Darkest days I ever did see, even if my for bearers saw much worse.
Out of that train wreck, was the world my generation came of age in. We took to the trenches and worked like everyone else high and low did, SAS quickly recovered, and we pressed forward one foot after the other. I've seen the people we help mold come and go, both in good and bad alike, I've seen it all. In many ways, I feel that Rasa, Myself, and Rouge, were to young for the job set before us, but it's boots we and our peers had to fill in order to survive. Through that is where cancer developed, and anyone who saw those days will agree, except those to close to the matter to see the wider scope of what happened. Dave and Rasas training sessions are really what built SWAT 4 from a passing fancy to a serious element of SAS life, and where the sins of our fathers first came into sight.
When I was young, I had the feeling of being groomed to be a Sergeant, watched over if you will.Whether I was or not, it's with that same nature that I watched over the generations after me. Hexen is and has (sadly) remained, the only one to hit Trp to remind me, of me. The same sort of dedication, that drive to train, and so on, it made him one of the best. Miles was a little sap that grew on me, from someone I merely looked after, to being an incredibly dear friend, a teammate, and someone I consider a brother. When a young punk named Lazkostriker came along, he too became one of the important subjects my generation had a hand in, and one of the best instructors in SAS history, even better then Rasa. We helped shape what those members became, intentionally and unintentionally, and I had felt among them, is where our replacements would come from, but alas, not only did we out live the monsters (in both positive and negative senses of the word) that we helped to create, I have also outlived the others in my generation.
Through the people we helped bring into the SAS, lead to the wars that followed what we saw, and instilled a lingering cancer that was hard to remove. It's that single thing, that I feel with the greatest remorse, because I was a part of it. Some might hold Rasa (whom I still consider a brother) responsible, but I hold us responsible, our generation. We're the ones that made the curse or sat idly by when we should have acted. Members that followed, grew up waiting to receive the mark of a beast without even knowing it, even I hadn't realized it until the line in the sand was years back. The generations that learned from mine, would go on to be some of the hardest working members in SAS history, as well as some of our worst...no ones a saint.
It would take 3 wars to ride us of such things, one batch at a time. I still know people that grew up in that slop of a situation, but survived it without becoming tainted by their surroundings; they are the ones I'll have to trust, not to make our mistakes over again. Many of the others that came up through that mess were not so lucky, and fell into one trap or another. They are all gone now, along with some good souls, and some who could have been spared if they had come aboard during better days. It's been my place to see what becomes of members, my honour to see them come full circle, and like wise, my pains and joys to watch what marks they would leave behind for others. That's why this last and final war has taken so much out of me, because it proves that we were the real failures, not our commanders. If GCHQ has truly failed at anything during all my years of membership, it was in trying to lead stray hearts to water rather then shoot the horses early on. Honestly, I wonder if my generation never happened, would 3 out of 4 of the world wars in SAS have ever happened?
I'm tired of seeing good people brought into an uncertin future, all to often it hurts once the dice has stopped rolling. It's the life of a phoenix, of death and rebirth from the ashes. Whatever successes my generation achieved, whatever positive influences we've made, none of it can outweigh the mistakes we made, and the mistakes we helped influence. That's the legacy I've seen extinguished. I don't know if it was just our inexperience at being NCOs that help breed what kind of members we became, or if it's just our true selves coming out bit by bit. But I know this, the generations who will fold the next ones to come, are much better prepared then we were, and that is the comfort I find there.
SAS is now poised to become better then it has been, there's no more wars to fight, no more dark cloud over head, and I pray, there never will be again. My crystal ball says in a few years, members will come aboard in golden days the way my generation did, GOD willing, they will be a success should they ever be forced into the ground we had to uphold.
Generation means different things to different people, for me, it is groups of people: who entered and spent their times as Recruit and Trooper together along much the same time frames. My generation was Rasa, Myself, and Leon, with Rouge and Mandolore coming into the picture just in time to be apart of it, or one very close to it. Rouge and Mando were mostly trained by those that trained the rest of us, but we were Troopers at the time, so it may be fair to call them the generation after us.. Leon and Mando on the other hand, lacked the activity to have any real positive or negative impact compared to the rest of us old war horses. I have seen a great many generation of recruit come and go.
I hope that GOD will smile upon SASs future, and forever shield the new wave from racking up the things I've seen. Sure, I've been in the trenches, an integral part of SAS, it's something I committed to early on. We are always gonna need people who can do that, I just hope they do a better job then we did.
Spidey01, Warrant Officer Class One, Special Air Service 22nd Elite Virtual Regiment; 2005-2010 and beyond.
The amount of time I've putted in, the era I joined up, the distance I place, helps me to look at things and see the truths there. It gives me a way of seeing things no other member I've met understands, because either they are to close, or to blind. That's something that's always separated me from my peers, past and present.
I came to SAS during a golden era, one hard fought for under Randoms command. Either it was SAS's second or first golden era, perhaps even third, I'm to young to know that. The first great war I witnessed came during Heims period as commanding officer, it nearly destroyed SAS, and it helped push the "Good ol'days" into the history books, where us old farts and the aging farts still remember them. I saw the first and only Dishonorable Discharge (DD) in SAS history, and almost the entire clan either walk out or die of a broken heart; those who didn't agree with James getting booted, and those that were so hurt at what the incident cost us. Most of my best friends in SAS drifted off into nothing, to damaged by it to participate as they once did, but caring to much for SAS to harm her by dropping out on the spot. It was a bloody mess, one I spent collecting information and dispersing it to the other members, trying to help them keep the faith. Darkest days I ever did see, even if my for bearers saw much worse.
Out of that train wreck, was the world my generation came of age in. We took to the trenches and worked like everyone else high and low did, SAS quickly recovered, and we pressed forward one foot after the other. I've seen the people we help mold come and go, both in good and bad alike, I've seen it all. In many ways, I feel that Rasa, Myself, and Rouge, were to young for the job set before us, but it's boots we and our peers had to fill in order to survive. Through that is where cancer developed, and anyone who saw those days will agree, except those to close to the matter to see the wider scope of what happened. Dave and Rasas training sessions are really what built SWAT 4 from a passing fancy to a serious element of SAS life, and where the sins of our fathers first came into sight.
When I was young, I had the feeling of being groomed to be a Sergeant, watched over if you will.Whether I was or not, it's with that same nature that I watched over the generations after me. Hexen is and has (sadly) remained, the only one to hit Trp to remind me, of me. The same sort of dedication, that drive to train, and so on, it made him one of the best. Miles was a little sap that grew on me, from someone I merely looked after, to being an incredibly dear friend, a teammate, and someone I consider a brother. When a young punk named Lazkostriker came along, he too became one of the important subjects my generation had a hand in, and one of the best instructors in SAS history, even better then Rasa. We helped shape what those members became, intentionally and unintentionally, and I had felt among them, is where our replacements would come from, but alas, not only did we out live the monsters (in both positive and negative senses of the word) that we helped to create, I have also outlived the others in my generation.
Through the people we helped bring into the SAS, lead to the wars that followed what we saw, and instilled a lingering cancer that was hard to remove. It's that single thing, that I feel with the greatest remorse, because I was a part of it. Some might hold Rasa (whom I still consider a brother) responsible, but I hold us responsible, our generation. We're the ones that made the curse or sat idly by when we should have acted. Members that followed, grew up waiting to receive the mark of a beast without even knowing it, even I hadn't realized it until the line in the sand was years back. The generations that learned from mine, would go on to be some of the hardest working members in SAS history, as well as some of our worst...no ones a saint.
It would take 3 wars to ride us of such things, one batch at a time. I still know people that grew up in that slop of a situation, but survived it without becoming tainted by their surroundings; they are the ones I'll have to trust, not to make our mistakes over again. Many of the others that came up through that mess were not so lucky, and fell into one trap or another. They are all gone now, along with some good souls, and some who could have been spared if they had come aboard during better days. It's been my place to see what becomes of members, my honour to see them come full circle, and like wise, my pains and joys to watch what marks they would leave behind for others. That's why this last and final war has taken so much out of me, because it proves that we were the real failures, not our commanders. If GCHQ has truly failed at anything during all my years of membership, it was in trying to lead stray hearts to water rather then shoot the horses early on. Honestly, I wonder if my generation never happened, would 3 out of 4 of the world wars in SAS have ever happened?
I'm tired of seeing good people brought into an uncertin future, all to often it hurts once the dice has stopped rolling. It's the life of a phoenix, of death and rebirth from the ashes. Whatever successes my generation achieved, whatever positive influences we've made, none of it can outweigh the mistakes we made, and the mistakes we helped influence. That's the legacy I've seen extinguished. I don't know if it was just our inexperience at being NCOs that help breed what kind of members we became, or if it's just our true selves coming out bit by bit. But I know this, the generations who will fold the next ones to come, are much better prepared then we were, and that is the comfort I find there.
SAS is now poised to become better then it has been, there's no more wars to fight, no more dark cloud over head, and I pray, there never will be again. My crystal ball says in a few years, members will come aboard in golden days the way my generation did, GOD willing, they will be a success should they ever be forced into the ground we had to uphold.
Generation means different things to different people, for me, it is groups of people: who entered and spent their times as Recruit and Trooper together along much the same time frames. My generation was Rasa, Myself, and Leon, with Rouge and Mandolore coming into the picture just in time to be apart of it, or one very close to it. Rouge and Mando were mostly trained by those that trained the rest of us, but we were Troopers at the time, so it may be fair to call them the generation after us.. Leon and Mando on the other hand, lacked the activity to have any real positive or negative impact compared to the rest of us old war horses. I have seen a great many generation of recruit come and go.
I hope that GOD will smile upon SASs future, and forever shield the new wave from racking up the things I've seen. Sure, I've been in the trenches, an integral part of SAS, it's something I committed to early on. We are always gonna need people who can do that, I just hope they do a better job then we did.
Spidey01, Warrant Officer Class One, Special Air Service 22nd Elite Virtual Regiment; 2005-2010 and beyond.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Exorcising the Demons
The last bomb finally dropped as I new it must, and my friends turned in their resignation. This is the worst day of my life so far, because the only thing I can think of that could be worse, is becoming an orphan. For me this has just been an utterly breaking and strength erasing event, and I'm sure it's no triviality for my friend either (but this is still my journal lol). Getting through work felt like doing it with a corkscrew twisting though my stomach.
I drifted off to work with more tics, shakes, and rattles then you can point a stick at, I've nearly thrown up about four times, and I've had to remind myself, "You don't fucking cry!", just to hold it together. As is my custom in times like these, what ever pieces were left, I cast myself back into the forge and let them reshape.
There the Spidey01 we all know, nearly died of his pain and grief in this matter. Very close he came to being replaced by a very different creature, one cold and remorseless like a machine: I looked for the first time in my life, at taking a path, where I don't know whether it threads along the side of light or darkness... willing to become an archangel or a knight of hell itself, a pure devil even, if it should need be, ready to destroy anyone in the future who would dare rise to damage SAS, to become a monster if it should need be, something that would make Wiz at his best or worse, look like a limp noodle, for the sake of ensuring that never another war grace these shores. Whatever the cost might be in doing it, whether it would mean welding Souledge or Soulcalibur, that it would be done just the same. In short, take any and every action necessary to ensure that things like the past two weeks, would never be needed again. I pondered over this course that lay ahead, describing it in my mind, in a sort of disturbing and epic form of poetry that can only exist in ones mind, just what I would be committing myself to. In thinking through that new beings description, what its name would become in place of Spidey01, and what my personal emblem would be in such... I found myself staring back at me through that emblem.
The death of Spidey01 and the rise of an avenging monster would have been the legacy, that Rouge, Valroe, Noer, Medic, Scout, and Ambu left behind, the price of their resolvability; it would also have been committing the first petty act of my life. Looking and questioning my reasons for such a choice of path, deeper at it's heart, I found the thought that, "I never want to feel like this again", more then SASs interests was to be found. That creature is so different then myself, that it would've warranted changing my name to reflect becoming a different person - an incident like something out of the old testament. Part of my soul cried out, "I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive", and that nothing will ever kill that tiny silver of goodness in me.
So who emerged from those soul searching fires?
A sharper more refined image then before, but still Spidey01... not the demon that beckoned. Today's the closest I've ever come, to losing who I am. My name on the net, is incredibly personal, and is an identity that reflects me to the core.... it nearly died, really. Yet as surely as I have rejected darkness and evil all my life, I reject that idea.... of being a devil, even for my own reasons. Spidey01 still lives for what ever I'm worth, and I'm here to stay. Light or dark, right or wrong, I'll not abide by either, I'll just raise a flaming Spatha in one hand and a great axe in the other, and leave the suit of armour behind. Perhaps such a beast is really what SAS needs to ensure that the next golden age remains one for us as a group, but I am nether machine nor monster, only a man, and I will not yield my humanity. Whether that's for anything, anyone, or even myself, I'm a man not fucking machine.
For better or worse, I have one.
I drifted off to work with more tics, shakes, and rattles then you can point a stick at, I've nearly thrown up about four times, and I've had to remind myself, "You don't fucking cry!", just to hold it together. As is my custom in times like these, what ever pieces were left, I cast myself back into the forge and let them reshape.
There the Spidey01 we all know, nearly died of his pain and grief in this matter. Very close he came to being replaced by a very different creature, one cold and remorseless like a machine: I looked for the first time in my life, at taking a path, where I don't know whether it threads along the side of light or darkness... willing to become an archangel or a knight of hell itself, a pure devil even, if it should need be, ready to destroy anyone in the future who would dare rise to damage SAS, to become a monster if it should need be, something that would make Wiz at his best or worse, look like a limp noodle, for the sake of ensuring that never another war grace these shores. Whatever the cost might be in doing it, whether it would mean welding Souledge or Soulcalibur, that it would be done just the same. In short, take any and every action necessary to ensure that things like the past two weeks, would never be needed again. I pondered over this course that lay ahead, describing it in my mind, in a sort of disturbing and epic form of poetry that can only exist in ones mind, just what I would be committing myself to. In thinking through that new beings description, what its name would become in place of Spidey01, and what my personal emblem would be in such... I found myself staring back at me through that emblem.
The death of Spidey01 and the rise of an avenging monster would have been the legacy, that Rouge, Valroe, Noer, Medic, Scout, and Ambu left behind, the price of their resolvability; it would also have been committing the first petty act of my life. Looking and questioning my reasons for such a choice of path, deeper at it's heart, I found the thought that, "I never want to feel like this again", more then SASs interests was to be found. That creature is so different then myself, that it would've warranted changing my name to reflect becoming a different person - an incident like something out of the old testament. Part of my soul cried out, "I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive", and that nothing will ever kill that tiny silver of goodness in me.
So who emerged from those soul searching fires?
Spidey01
One fortunate thing my life in the real world has taught me about times of bleeding out, eventually you will run out of something to bleed with. When having to watch today ceases to hurt, only time will show. In connection to something I once said of myself, being glad that I'm not made of tin, because I would rust: the words of the great Wizard of Oz come to mind...
As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
For better or worse, I have one.
Absolutely moving song
Tonight while waiting for Funny Girl to start on TCM, I overheard a very moving song during the previous movies exit. After all my years, I can't help but contrast it against the paths that I have crossed, relationships made both in my real life and in the virtual world. It's rather like listening to a tender memory.
In salute of old friends and comrades alike... cica 1996 - 2010.
Mmm. Mmm.
Memories, light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
smiles we give to one another
for the way we were.
Can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
tell me would we? Could we?
Memories, may be beautiful and yet
what's too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
whenever we remember
the way we were.
In salute of old friends and comrades alike... cica 1996 - 2010.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Of friendships, promises, and commitments
As if there wasn't enough stuff to throw off my focus (on non-SAS matters), looming in the shadows is where a friend will drawn their own line in regard to whether they will stand with [SAS] or apart from it. For me, it's very hard to take, because I knew, before helping bring this person into the group, that in all probability, they would have to face this cross roads in time (in fact, rather then sugar coat that outlook for my friend, I poured a lot of salt on it early on, and left the decision to rest on their own head).
It's the second time in my own history here with [SAS], that I will have ever have considered throwing in the towel if person XYZ chooses to leave; the first and before this, the only time, was when I spent a period of time trying to keep another very dear and tired friend from losing his faith. Some people have had the same feelings about me, that's one of the reasons I stand tall and walk hard through the storms. I've always enjoyed being with the people around me, because you never know how long GOD has put them there. The thing that hurts me, is knowing that the friend in this particular question, will have to go through that rough decision, and there is nothing that I can do to make it easier for this person. Because if I could remove the issue from ever having to come up in their membership, I would trade an arm to lift that weight. All I can do, is watch, wait, support, and accept, whatever my friend chooses.
As to where my own path lays in this, I know two things. When the storm started, I made a decision very early on: that if I ever lost my place in [SAS] trying to fight it for the sake of my team as a whole, that I would sooner eat dirt and shallow chicken vomit, then serve under (thenow) NTF_LTC_Rouges command, if he started a competing unit; I won't serve under any man who would break his word the way he did, out of spite. Like wise, my thinking reminds me, at my core... there is just this stubborn, ornery, stiff necked, tough fscking son of a bitch, who just will not lay down and die.. if it feels like walking on glass, I'll stand on my legs and fight on, because
and for how many times in my life, I've had to come to that conclusion in both [SAS] matters and with my own family—I will never go back on my own word, and I gave that the day I committed myself to this TEAMs future. I will not make a liar of myself, no matter what comes of that choice, because being loyal to the vision, was a promise I made to myself, and something I have never wished to break. I'll not stoop down to someone else's level, and that is ironed across my soul even more, after calling Rouge on his own integrity issues; and I've done that to his face plenty enough times for it to matter. It is a bygone and stone age concept, but my honour will never yield to a lesser path.
Once an [SAS] man, always an [SAS] man, and I am an [SAS] man, overly tried and true to be sure, and they can type it on my tomb stone in bold if they want, because here I stand, come and get me.... WHO DARES, WINS!
It's the second time in my own history here with [SAS], that I will have ever have considered throwing in the towel if person XYZ chooses to leave; the first and before this, the only time, was when I spent a period of time trying to keep another very dear and tired friend from losing his faith. Some people have had the same feelings about me, that's one of the reasons I stand tall and walk hard through the storms. I've always enjoyed being with the people around me, because you never know how long GOD has put them there. The thing that hurts me, is knowing that the friend in this particular question, will have to go through that rough decision, and there is nothing that I can do to make it easier for this person. Because if I could remove the issue from ever having to come up in their membership, I would trade an arm to lift that weight. All I can do, is watch, wait, support, and accept, whatever my friend chooses.
As to where my own path lays in this, I know two things. When the storm started, I made a decision very early on: that if I ever lost my place in [SAS] trying to fight it for the sake of my team as a whole, that I would sooner eat dirt and shallow chicken vomit, then serve under (thenow) NTF_LTC_Rouges command, if he started a competing unit; I won't serve under any man who would break his word the way he did, out of spite. Like wise, my thinking reminds me, at my core... there is just this stubborn, ornery, stiff necked, tough fscking son of a bitch, who just will not lay down and die.. if it feels like walking on glass, I'll stand on my legs and fight on, because
and for how many times in my life, I've had to come to that conclusion in both [SAS] matters and with my own family—I will never go back on my own word, and I gave that the day I committed myself to this TEAMs future. I will not make a liar of myself, no matter what comes of that choice, because being loyal to the vision, was a promise I made to myself, and something I have never wished to break. I'll not stoop down to someone else's level, and that is ironed across my soul even more, after calling Rouge on his own integrity issues; and I've done that to his face plenty enough times for it to matter. It is a bygone and stone age concept, but my honour will never yield to a lesser path.
Once an [SAS] man, always an [SAS] man, and I am an [SAS] man, overly tried and true to be sure, and they can type it on my tomb stone in bold if they want, because here I stand, come and get me.... WHO DARES, WINS!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Thoughts on recent SAS resignations
The more I look at the facts, the more I am convinced that this was a mutiny in spirit. Out of the first wave of people to resign: it appears to me that there are 3 core factions to it. One group, was overruled against by GCHQ, the other carries Rasa's infection for placing their own ways above SASs, and then there's Rouge.
When GCHQs ruling wasn't to their liking, it seems that a few people decided that they know better then the ones in authority. That same "I'm right, GOD is wrong" attitude has built many a house on sand... I'm glad [SAS]'s was built on titanium reinforced concrete.
A few, are people who have stiff necks and know they will never have the subversion of [SAS] that they desire, a man who once refused to teach SOPs comes to mind. This is what I mean by "Rasa's infection".
Some time ago, even I lost all my faith in GCHQ, when it looked like a set of RvS-centric SOPs would be fast tracked through and every word I ever said to hold this clan together would become a lie. Every member of GCHQ proved themselves to me, except for Rouge. He lost that fight, and I'm starting to feel that his involvement is because he lost, and the ideal of [SAS] as one team, two games, won out.
When GCHQs ruling wasn't to their liking, it seems that a few people decided that they know better then the ones in authority. That same "I'm right, GOD is wrong" attitude has built many a house on sand... I'm glad [SAS]'s was built on titanium reinforced concrete.
A few, are people who have stiff necks and know they will never have the subversion of [SAS] that they desire, a man who once refused to teach SOPs comes to mind. This is what I mean by "Rasa's infection".
Some time ago, even I lost all my faith in GCHQ, when it looked like a set of RvS-centric SOPs would be fast tracked through and every word I ever said to hold this clan together would become a lie. Every member of GCHQ proved themselves to me, except for Rouge. He lost that fight, and I'm starting to feel that his involvement is because he lost, and the ideal of [SAS] as one team, two games, won out.
So I suppose, having been given judgement, and deciding that the highest court in the land is not better then their own, a few people decided they can do better. I really pitty Timbo and Scout, if they organise a clan under Rouges armchair generalship.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
DINNER OUT, best live op I've had in years
Today was the go date for [SAS]_Trp_Walkers Live Op, DINNER OUT. The first one he's made actually, and doubtlessly, one of the best I've gotten to participate in, in quite a while lol. It really was a good LO.
When I saw the floor plans he attached today, I remembered a note I had scribbled down last year from [SAS]_SSM_Medic. He used it for some SNCO duties, and I got to thinkin', what if it supported loading external images into it? Well sure enough, it did :-D. Spent a while playing with our `new'ish` toy, Walker and DUKE helping with the testing. It also fell on my head to lead the live operation, since Walker delegated it to the highest head on the totem poll.
After the call for the LO came up, I got everyone into the briefing software, and conducted a mission briefing. The plan was quite simple, Alpha and Bravo would link up on the top floor, Alpha providing support fire for the entry, and Bravo silently securing the flank—then taking position for a hard entry. After the "CHEESE GO" signal was to be given, we would've launched our raid: Bravo doing a breach bang entry while Alpha supported with tear gas and marksmen fire. That was the plan anyway, and we would've setup a similar assault in the next choke point on "PIZZA GO".
What really happened, in manoeuvring Bravo into position, we came to a rather sticky set of situations. The areas we had to clear were surrounded with grated catwalks overhead; we took care of the first entry like clock work, but it was the second area... our rally point for after cheese. There was two doors leading into the RP, the right one with an X-Ray having his buttocks planted firmly to the doorway, and a buddy standing on the stairs next to him. The right door, had spotty obstacles and another X-Ray within arms reach of the door. I made the call to maintain the stealth, and informed [SAS]_Sgt_Duke comming Alpha, that we may be compromised within the next 15 secs; he was ready. We stacked on the left door, aiming to drop the sentry without much alarm; we did that and took care of the guys on the other side, before moving into the freezer behind our way point: a double door to be wedged before the take down on cheese. When we got there, the door was open and we took a lot of flak, [SAS]_Trp_COT going down almost on the spot... a hostage was shot in the distance before we could get the situation locked down—Alpha went GREEN and took out the shooters. Once I got bravo to our final assaulting position, commu with Duke showed we should have little resistance, so I signalled our entry with just a quick bang clear. While working around a bullet proof cage to kill a remaining shooter, I got quick draw mcgrawed out of the action without a chance to fire lol. In a couple minutes, Bravo was down to [SAS]_Trp_ESCRT while [SAS]_Sgt_Duke and [SAS]_LCpl_DeCapi took charge of the clearing effort. Soon after that, ESCRT went down leaving just Duke & DeCapi, when DC crashed, it left Duke to save the day on his own lol.
In retrospect, I should have changed the plan on the spot, split my Bravo team into RED and BLUE on each door: breach bang entries and push on, having Alpha engage cheese while that was happening. Instead, I aimed to keep things on the hush & hush, rather then take the gamble on hostages getting off'ed.
I chose Duke to lead Alpha team, because I wanted my best man ready in case things blew up in my face... and I knew his level head could cope with the pressure up there in the OP lol. While it would be easier for me to manage the assault team (Bravo) if I was up front where the action was. It was watching Duke and DeCapi clearing the map together, that really impressed me, for the first time in quite a while. Watching them in action was like looking at the epitome of [SAS] teamwork and tactics in action. Two [SAS] members knee deep in trouble with no real shortage of OPFOR to shoot at, and Duke brought order to chaos in the end.
A little bit ago, I sent an exaltational e-mail up the CoC, recommending them both for medals in the new awards matrix. There display of how we work together, and Dukes actions during the LO was that good - I generally don't send recommendations for such things lol. But I think, after all the Live Opeartions I've been in, Duke deserves a citation for his effort, and DeCapi is also worthy of commendation. There virtual battlefield action really was awesome. Since our refined awards matrix is more focused towards live ops and trainers, Duke just made my first two cents for our equivalents of battle field commendations.
In [SAS], the only people I've ever felt worthy of serious recognition for their contribution to the team, are [SAS]_Maj_WIZ and [SAS]_CO_Random, because I know they've given more to [SAS] then most of us combined. WIZ in particular, I've been around to see better then most, how much he's put into this group. Those that know me, I don't do so highly very lightly lol.
Without a doubt, best live op I've had in ages!!!
When I saw the floor plans he attached today, I remembered a note I had scribbled down last year from [SAS]_SSM_Medic. He used it for some SNCO duties, and I got to thinkin', what if it supported loading external images into it? Well sure enough, it did :-D. Spent a while playing with our `new'ish` toy, Walker and DUKE helping with the testing. It also fell on my head to lead the live operation, since Walker delegated it to the highest head on the totem poll.
After the call for the LO came up, I got everyone into the briefing software, and conducted a mission briefing. The plan was quite simple, Alpha and Bravo would link up on the top floor, Alpha providing support fire for the entry, and Bravo silently securing the flank—then taking position for a hard entry. After the "CHEESE GO" signal was to be given, we would've launched our raid: Bravo doing a breach bang entry while Alpha supported with tear gas and marksmen fire. That was the plan anyway, and we would've setup a similar assault in the next choke point on "PIZZA GO".
What really happened, in manoeuvring Bravo into position, we came to a rather sticky set of situations. The areas we had to clear were surrounded with grated catwalks overhead; we took care of the first entry like clock work, but it was the second area... our rally point for after cheese. There was two doors leading into the RP, the right one with an X-Ray having his buttocks planted firmly to the doorway, and a buddy standing on the stairs next to him. The right door, had spotty obstacles and another X-Ray within arms reach of the door. I made the call to maintain the stealth, and informed [SAS]_Sgt_Duke comming Alpha, that we may be compromised within the next 15 secs; he was ready. We stacked on the left door, aiming to drop the sentry without much alarm; we did that and took care of the guys on the other side, before moving into the freezer behind our way point: a double door to be wedged before the take down on cheese. When we got there, the door was open and we took a lot of flak, [SAS]_Trp_COT going down almost on the spot... a hostage was shot in the distance before we could get the situation locked down—Alpha went GREEN and took out the shooters. Once I got bravo to our final assaulting position, commu with Duke showed we should have little resistance, so I signalled our entry with just a quick bang clear. While working around a bullet proof cage to kill a remaining shooter, I got quick draw mcgrawed out of the action without a chance to fire lol. In a couple minutes, Bravo was down to [SAS]_Trp_ESCRT while [SAS]_Sgt_Duke and [SAS]_LCpl_DeCapi took charge of the clearing effort. Soon after that, ESCRT went down leaving just Duke & DeCapi, when DC crashed, it left Duke to save the day on his own lol.
In retrospect, I should have changed the plan on the spot, split my Bravo team into RED and BLUE on each door: breach bang entries and push on, having Alpha engage cheese while that was happening. Instead, I aimed to keep things on the hush & hush, rather then take the gamble on hostages getting off'ed.
I chose Duke to lead Alpha team, because I wanted my best man ready in case things blew up in my face... and I knew his level head could cope with the pressure up there in the OP lol. While it would be easier for me to manage the assault team (Bravo) if I was up front where the action was. It was watching Duke and DeCapi clearing the map together, that really impressed me, for the first time in quite a while. Watching them in action was like looking at the epitome of [SAS] teamwork and tactics in action. Two [SAS] members knee deep in trouble with no real shortage of OPFOR to shoot at, and Duke brought order to chaos in the end.
A little bit ago, I sent an exaltational e-mail up the CoC, recommending them both for medals in the new awards matrix. There display of how we work together, and Dukes actions during the LO was that good - I generally don't send recommendations for such things lol. But I think, after all the Live Opeartions I've been in, Duke deserves a citation for his effort, and DeCapi is also worthy of commendation. There virtual battlefield action really was awesome. Since our refined awards matrix is more focused towards live ops and trainers, Duke just made my first two cents for our equivalents of battle field commendations.
In [SAS], the only people I've ever felt worthy of serious recognition for their contribution to the team, are [SAS]_Maj_WIZ and [SAS]_CO_Random, because I know they've given more to [SAS] then most of us combined. WIZ in particular, I've been around to see better then most, how much he's put into this group. Those that know me, I don't do so highly very lightly lol.
Without a doubt, best live op I've had in ages!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
I'm sorry, but do I look like a moron?
I spent some time getting stuff sorted on SourceForge, until I was interrupted by [SAS]_Rct_ESCRT, who was being plagued by a trio of Dummköpfe terrorizing our SAS Proving Grounds server. After resolving trouble via remote, I chose to enter the server and deal with things "Personally" and give the vagrant offender one last chance. In the end, these trouble makers with many names were sorted when the worst was banned. The screen shot below sums up him and his friends efforts:
One thing I failed to tell them in that moment, is I was also the Web Admin from before, who Feldjäger tried to convince me his buddy was talking to 8=). On top of that, I also forgot to mention that I had kicked him previously, but I didn't want them to feel tooo stupid.
Maybe I am not terribly bright at times, but hey, I am not a fool!
One thing I failed to tell them in that moment, is I was also the Web Admin from before, who Feldjäger tried to convince me his buddy was talking to 8=). On top of that, I also forgot to mention that I had kicked him previously, but I didn't want them to feel tooo stupid.
Maybe I am not terribly bright at times, but hey, I am not a fool!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Yesterday was a reaal cork popper! I have seen and heard a lot of crap over the years but I have never been so disgusted and angry in my entire life (thus far). It just took the cake and a half man... new record levels. And I've even seen a door breached and ripped apart practically by hand lol. That being said, the incident yesterday did not involve my blood kin in any way.
Maybe it is as the numeral unno says, just a week where everyone gets under each others skin... all in all though I am glad that I can be utterly pissed the F' off and still be able to think clearly. I really had to learn at an early age how to deal with intense anger, my family is *that good* at pushing peoples buttons, mine included lol. The closet door still bears holes and knuckle prints from my hot tempered youth. We're a lot of hot headed, loud mouthed, stubborn mules: and whether genetically or environmentally, have even worse then both my parents in that regard (That's like saying you're descended from lava and hydrofluoric acid).
One of the things that separates me from my family and many other people on this earth, is I can control my temper before it gets the best of me.
I just tried fitting my knuckles into the dents in the closet door, and I am kind of proud how far I've come since then... both in stature and control. I don't go nova, I'm not a violent person by nature: despite having developed a put two in the head and move on philosophy of logical problem solving lol. I am the single most rational person I know, and strongly value c;ear thinking over lashing out at others (but can't say the same about the rest of my family).
Perhaps this is one time, that I should be thankful for my family.....
Maybe it is as the numeral unno says, just a week where everyone gets under each others skin... all in all though I am glad that I can be utterly pissed the F' off and still be able to think clearly. I really had to learn at an early age how to deal with intense anger, my family is *that good* at pushing peoples buttons, mine included lol. The closet door still bears holes and knuckle prints from my hot tempered youth. We're a lot of hot headed, loud mouthed, stubborn mules: and whether genetically or environmentally, have even worse then both my parents in that regard (That's like saying you're descended from lava and hydrofluoric acid).
One of the things that separates me from my family and many other people on this earth, is I can control my temper before it gets the best of me.
I just tried fitting my knuckles into the dents in the closet door, and I am kind of proud how far I've come since then... both in stature and control. I don't go nova, I'm not a violent person by nature: despite having developed a put two in the head and move on philosophy of logical problem solving lol. I am the single most rational person I know, and strongly value c;ear thinking over lashing out at others (but can't say the same about the rest of my family).
Perhaps this is one time, that I should be thankful for my family.....
Friday, April 10, 2009
Clear with a vengeance!
Ok, I can take the lag, I can almost stand a 9x19mm P228 compact pistol packing a harder punch then a 7.62x67mm (.300 Cal) Winchester Magnum WA 2000 sniper rifle with half the stopping power of the 9mm.... but this is just to much.
Teammate trew a frag into the room I'm in, stampedes the tangos and flushes me right into them.
H&K 23, 5.56x45mm NATO Light Machine Gun ---> room cleared with a vengeance like no other baby!
(and no, I didn't shoot the idiots on my team, I shot that tangos lol)
Teammate trew a frag into the room I'm in, stampedes the tangos and flushes me right into them.
I can stand the tangos, but if y'all want to start frag-flushing me into a 4 on 1 dance off... I ain't getting on my dancin' shoes, I'm gettin' a bigger freakin' gun.
H&K 23, 5.56x45mm NATO Light Machine Gun ---> room cleared with a vengeance like no other baby!
(and no, I didn't shoot the idiots on my team, I shot that tangos lol)
Friday, January 2, 2009
New personal best RvS Crazy
Parade Line Up Mission; teammates dropping like flies, I'm running a blitzkrieg of a fight through the map.... clear the roof alone with just a naked MP5/10A2 with no attachments.
All the way pro.... just like I was trained, then I round the corner with gun ready as I slice it -> POW right in the kisser.
All that, without so much as a scratch, and he had to go do that lol.
All the way pro.... just like I was trained, then I round the corner with gun ready as I slice it -> POW right in the kisser.
All that, without so much as a scratch, and he had to go do that lol.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Pride
After a thread that came up about uniforms / arm patches, I interjected a comment on the way we used to handle it. I still have the arm patches issued to me as a recruit and trooper, plus the one I made for myself as a trooper. Pictured above is a GIF copy of the one [SAS] Shield issued me shortly after my tryout.
S'all the all rank I ever needed: [SAS] Trooper
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Reflecting on recent virtual events
Hmm, I am sorry to say it but in a lot of ways, I think the new Team Mercury / Hg4 is probably a good thing for [SAS].
With Rasa gone, it seems as if the last resistance to change is also gone. The [SAS] SOPs (from scratch) are now in the hands of a seasoned professional, and I am tasked with the technical aspects of getting them on the website. In Rasa's new home, he doesn't have to get things past 2 soldiers, an ex swat instructor, an 8 year veteran of [SAS] gaming, a former Sabre Squad 2IC, or the strict and realism first Spidey01. I miss my friend very much, but I think I'd rather see [SAS] move forward into the future.
It's amazing how much work is actually getting done now! I wonder, just what mischief he might've been up to since I left the RSMs post.... Recent events have left our SWAT 4 wing with less man power in the lower ranks, but progress these past few days has been like watching a bull charge
They (Hg4) have already grown through a few of the people on our "list" of prospective candidates, all of which know the Hg4 founders from there time as [SAS] Members, and each Hg4 founder knows much about our server regulars and what we think of them. Filterhappy, new Trial Member of Hg4's comment today; actually made me quite happy. Those who actually care about [SAS], are those who belong in the the selection course. I expect all of the people who are of interest to us, will be in Hg4 tags before long, as long as Hg4 does so with honor and those people find what they seek, I'm fine with this. I'd much rather see Hg4 grow, then see dead weight return to [SAS]. I want to see [SAS]'s kind of people make it into the selection course, first and foremost
Me, maybe I am a jerk, but I don't like people who waste my time. Time is life, life is time, and you don't get a refund if you fail to spend it wisely!
It is not our job to train the public in our ways of doing things, parts of Hg4 may have felt differently before leaving [SAS], but I don't. One of the reasons why I take part of my time, to teach recruits things when I can. Is because I hope they will benefit from it, and learn to be a stronger member out of it, and to help the NCOs with their tasks. If Joe Blow wants to learn our ways of doing things, they need to survive the selection course just like the rest of us did. A lot of people think we're too strict, me? I think it's about as close to the real life 22nd Special Air Service as you are going to find, without joining an army. And I call that a _good_ thing. I guess there is a difference between those that just look for the best they can reach, and those who want to be the best that they can be themselves, and then there are those who also want to help others to grow.
I know the things that I look for in a prospective member, and I've come to believe that [SAS]_CO_Random is right, after so many years... He ought to be lol. Jonsi, Nick, Caern, I know that I see the potential in them, the right attitude to move on. That's one of the reasons why I put extra effort into seeing that their training in the SC is/was successful. It's also why Timbo was a great loss in my opinion, both in man power and time invested in, should we say, "Let him shine through" hehe. But I guess it wasn't the path he was destined for. One needs great skill to pass one of our trooper tryouts, but there's more to it then that,
I made it into the [SAS] Selection Course, and I didn't even know how to use the Voice Commands system in RvS until about a week or two before becoming a Recruit! Back then, I guess it was a lot stricter. The tryout is hard by most peoples standards, but it really is easy in my opinion... If you're serious.
One of the reasons I joined [SAS], was because I like to play tactically and realistically. I found the things I was looking for there, Skill, Teamwork, Dedication, Friendship, and FUN, FUN, FUN!!! Most people who are in the team, are there because they enjoy it this way. We like the structure, the teamwork, and we live to improve our abilities while having fun with a few good m8s.
Getting through the SC was quite an exercise, I had to grow quite a lot in my skill set just to make the cut. All of the way, I had teachers helping me to grow, helping me learn the little things that makes this elite team as skillful as it is at what we do. I never really noticed most of it, just how much attention to detail there was here, until I started paying attention during training. My time with [SAS]_Trp_Rand, [SAS]_Cpl_WIZ, and [SAS]_Cpl_Relish most important of my teachers.
I don't totally agree with some of our SOPs, but they work and work well for the most part. If I wanted to play my way, I wouldn't have joined the [SAS], I would have made it a goal to prepare myself for BUD/S and pursue the real thing. Because it doesn't get much better then that outside of the [SAS],and groups like it. Hg4, is not a group like [SAS], and I say that because I know the founders of Hg4 ;-). I play the way I was trained, here are a few differences in how I would personally do things, but this is [SAS], not my back yard
Hmm, I still remember the time I got dumped into a team leaders boots else wheres, and I had to direct us against the other teams defenses. When issuing the insructions for our assault, someone in my attack group asked me if I was in the army :\, my reply? No, I'm in the next best thing -- the 22nd SAS Elite Virtual Regiment !
I don't think they got the joke, but they still enjoyed the win lol.[SAS]_Spidey01
Warrant Officer Class One
22nd Special Air Service,
The Elite Virtual Regiment
Friday, April 25, 2008
Ninja Class, 2008-04-25T2000Z
Conducted my basics level 'Ninja' Class today in our Raven Shield server. Originally planned for Thursday, 2000 Zulu but moved to Friday 2000 Zulu due to business reasons 8=), then moved from [SAS] Training Grounds #1 to [SAS] Proving Grounds #1 for technical reasons :-(.
I think things went fairly well, first time I've done a training session in a good while now... first time in a long time I've done one without a lesson plan either, you could say I winged it lol. Split things into three phases, because working with Recruit Shadows stealth training was the primary reason behind the session. I tried to keep things basic enough for recruits, less Capt'n Rouge have my head but still keeping the session interesting hehe.
Started off easy trying to get peoples minds into the right mind set. Mindful of ones surroundings, the possible cause and effect of ones actions, and thinking about how we can be more stealthy in what we do so often. And how to adopt from our usual "see tango, shoot tango" functioning, while that works under Green Light conditions it don't the rest of times. And when you doing recon ops, leaving 10 or 20 dead bodies behind doesn't help things. Belive it or not, there is a lot more to stealth then slapping on a suppressor and trying not to blow any thing sky high on the way in.
For the second part of training, I moved us onto the warehouse level so I could give them some practical practice time. Cleared the immediate area of threats and had everyone form an element while I set up a patrol route in between the two main buildings. They had to sneak past me -- I made the patrol route simple, so it was not very hard but still took some effort to complete.
My favorite part was when I turned around on my patrol and saw Ambu standing in the open and shouted 'tango spotted' and fired a warning shot, only to turn left and go 'tango spotted' as I saw Ghost -- good to see that if I had been a real tango, Ghost was ready to put'em down before Ambu could be harmed. Another fun time was when they snuck all ~5 or so of them right under my noise and then I turn around and their all standing behind me hahaha. I also got Ghost to try the patrol route I set up, and I gave it a go myself and snuck past to the designated objective on my first go.
A lot of times when I do training, I'll try to challenge people to do better. Like back with Rct Boone and Rct Mando two years ago, they thought it was impossible to do this one room without blowing the heck out of it with tactical aids. So I doubled dared them into taking the room without any tactical aids, full dynamic assault, and without using suppressed weapons to approach the target room. I tagged along with a light machine gun shooting at them trying to distract them and they pulled off the entry, cleared the room without a hitch, and were like "Wow, we actually did it". While I'm standing here with a smile on my face, thinking "I knew you lads could do it".
I don't like to ask any one to do some thing I'm not prepared to do myself, that's why in my training sessions I'll often try and arrange for me to have a turn at tricky things. I can't do worse then fall flat on my face in front of the recruits, and at best I can show it's actually possible (y).
I remember I once set up a 'room clearing challenge' that was modeled after my personal training sessions but I made it even harder and posted it. No body was able to complete the challenge, not even me for a long time... so i started doing more dynamic training myself and I eventually scored a respectable spot on the score board, only name there but that one really nagged at me. How could I ask the recruits do complete a task I couldn't? So I set out to train until I could, and I did it..
For the last part of training, I wanted to give the guys a chance to relax yet still keep on learning. So I set up a mini live fire scenario where we had to do a double-hostage rescue, rules of engagement red (aka fire on command), and minimise loss of stealth and enemies neutralized to the max possible.
It took maybe 4 or 5 tries but we eventually did the mission, 4 man element, about 3 tangos killed, two hostages rescued, but one causality in the process :-(
What I really liked about the live fire scenario is I got to see my teammates at work. Setting up angles of fire on the risky threats while we snuck past, so if any one got seen, the tango would have a nice double tap to the head before they could fire. And communicating the positions of the enemy patrols among each other and adopting our plan and formation to the situation.
We also found a few bugs in the map that really made sneaking in some spots harder and once we got 'stepped on' so to speak which resulted in the entire element being either gunned down or blown up lol. Eventually though we did it with flying colours (y) but we got plenty of good practice in the middle hehe.
It's nice to do training again, I really love to have a chance to teach people. Of all the tasks that have eventually found there way to me in [SAS], the one I've always carried out the happiest is trying to pass on my experience and what was passed onto me, to a new generation.
In a lot of ways, I think I'm really starting to get to be an 'old man' of sorts among my teammates... Although most of them are older then me by a good margin or just a few years younger. I've been apart of this team for almost 2 and a half years now. I think in a way, I'm kind of like how people such as En4cer or Shield were to my generation of recruits. I'm not the best teacher but I do sincerely try to help us move into the right direction.
You're only at your best, when you accept the limit of your current abilities as such rather then seeking a way to better yourself.
And in the [SAS], we always seek to improve ourselves for the future.
I think things went fairly well, first time I've done a training session in a good while now... first time in a long time I've done one without a lesson plan either, you could say I winged it lol. Split things into three phases, because working with Recruit Shadows stealth training was the primary reason behind the session. I tried to keep things basic enough for recruits, less Capt'n Rouge have my head but still keeping the session interesting hehe.
Started off easy trying to get peoples minds into the right mind set. Mindful of ones surroundings, the possible cause and effect of ones actions, and thinking about how we can be more stealthy in what we do so often. And how to adopt from our usual "see tango, shoot tango" functioning, while that works under Green Light conditions it don't the rest of times. And when you doing recon ops, leaving 10 or 20 dead bodies behind doesn't help things. Belive it or not, there is a lot more to stealth then slapping on a suppressor and trying not to blow any thing sky high on the way in.
For the second part of training, I moved us onto the warehouse level so I could give them some practical practice time. Cleared the immediate area of threats and had everyone form an element while I set up a patrol route in between the two main buildings. They had to sneak past me -- I made the patrol route simple, so it was not very hard but still took some effort to complete.
My favorite part was when I turned around on my patrol and saw Ambu standing in the open and shouted 'tango spotted' and fired a warning shot, only to turn left and go 'tango spotted' as I saw Ghost -- good to see that if I had been a real tango, Ghost was ready to put'em down before Ambu could be harmed. Another fun time was when they snuck all ~5 or so of them right under my noise and then I turn around and their all standing behind me hahaha. I also got Ghost to try the patrol route I set up, and I gave it a go myself and snuck past to the designated objective on my first go.
A lot of times when I do training, I'll try to challenge people to do better. Like back with Rct Boone and Rct Mando two years ago, they thought it was impossible to do this one room without blowing the heck out of it with tactical aids. So I doubled dared them into taking the room without any tactical aids, full dynamic assault, and without using suppressed weapons to approach the target room. I tagged along with a light machine gun shooting at them trying to distract them and they pulled off the entry, cleared the room without a hitch, and were like "Wow, we actually did it". While I'm standing here with a smile on my face, thinking "I knew you lads could do it".
I don't like to ask any one to do some thing I'm not prepared to do myself, that's why in my training sessions I'll often try and arrange for me to have a turn at tricky things. I can't do worse then fall flat on my face in front of the recruits, and at best I can show it's actually possible (y).
I remember I once set up a 'room clearing challenge' that was modeled after my personal training sessions but I made it even harder and posted it. No body was able to complete the challenge, not even me for a long time... so i started doing more dynamic training myself and I eventually scored a respectable spot on the score board, only name there but that one really nagged at me. How could I ask the recruits do complete a task I couldn't? So I set out to train until I could, and I did it..
For the last part of training, I wanted to give the guys a chance to relax yet still keep on learning. So I set up a mini live fire scenario where we had to do a double-hostage rescue, rules of engagement red (aka fire on command), and minimise loss of stealth and enemies neutralized to the max possible.
It took maybe 4 or 5 tries but we eventually did the mission, 4 man element, about 3 tangos killed, two hostages rescued, but one causality in the process :-(
What I really liked about the live fire scenario is I got to see my teammates at work. Setting up angles of fire on the risky threats while we snuck past, so if any one got seen, the tango would have a nice double tap to the head before they could fire. And communicating the positions of the enemy patrols among each other and adopting our plan and formation to the situation.
We also found a few bugs in the map that really made sneaking in some spots harder and once we got 'stepped on' so to speak which resulted in the entire element being either gunned down or blown up lol. Eventually though we did it with flying colours (y) but we got plenty of good practice in the middle hehe.
It's nice to do training again, I really love to have a chance to teach people. Of all the tasks that have eventually found there way to me in [SAS], the one I've always carried out the happiest is trying to pass on my experience and what was passed onto me, to a new generation.
In a lot of ways, I think I'm really starting to get to be an 'old man' of sorts among my teammates... Although most of them are older then me by a good margin or just a few years younger. I've been apart of this team for almost 2 and a half years now. I think in a way, I'm kind of like how people such as En4cer or Shield were to my generation of recruits. I'm not the best teacher but I do sincerely try to help us move into the right direction.
You're only at your best, when you accept the limit of your current abilities as such rather then seeking a way to better yourself.
And in the [SAS], we always seek to improve ourselves for the future.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Whew it's been a long day.
Been trying to get stuff done on the website in between instant messages, I really wish we could pick up the pass but we're kinda split between three countries and our associated jobs.
Had to conduct a tryout in SWAT4 today, first time I've actually done it in SWAT4. Usually I only get to observe but not conduct, this time though it was a situation where I got asked to take care of business. Don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of tryouts and been to a ton of them in both RvS and SWAT but it's still a tryout.
I don't really like conducting tryouts but I've done enough that I can get them running quickly and smoothly when not training others about the process. You've got to be able to judge the recruits performance, and I don't really like to judge people. When it comes to doing tryouts, I am extremely strict, that is more or less how I was trained.
Some of my friends would say I'm just a right * proper bastard, suppose I am really lool. But when it comes to tryouts, even more so because I understand how important they are -- and why we should be strict. I don't have any problem with failing some one on their tryout, who said it was easy? But I'm also as fair as the Tryout SOPs allows me to be, things have to be done _correctly_ but honorably (y).
Although, to be perfectly honest I don't think I've met any recruit that didn't have it in them to pass a Troopers Tryout. If they didn't, odds are they wouldn't have been granted Recruit tags yet.
Heh, I remember my first clan back during my MechWarrior career. When I ended up with [SAS] down in Rvs, I was like "Huh? I'm getting trained and I've not been given a tryout yet?". [SAS]'s selection course I think is as close to the real thing in terms of being more like the military then the average group of gamers.
I'm really an easy going guy for the most part, but tryout conductor == iron fist-ed stickler for the tinest detail. When I conduct a tryout, you can generally be sure that who ever passes got a solid tryout or the ship went down trying!
The one thing I do like about conducting tryouts, is getting to debrief the recruit when they've passed. That's the good part before the paper work and admin work pile up when they've passed haha.
Been trying to get stuff done on the website in between instant messages, I really wish we could pick up the pass but we're kinda split between three countries and our associated jobs.
Had to conduct a tryout in SWAT4 today, first time I've actually done it in SWAT4. Usually I only get to observe but not conduct, this time though it was a situation where I got asked to take care of business. Don't get me wrong, I've done plenty of tryouts and been to a ton of them in both RvS and SWAT but it's still a tryout.
I don't really like conducting tryouts but I've done enough that I can get them running quickly and smoothly when not training others about the process. You've got to be able to judge the recruits performance, and I don't really like to judge people. When it comes to doing tryouts, I am extremely strict, that is more or less how I was trained.
Some of my friends would say I'm just a right * proper bastard, suppose I am really lool. But when it comes to tryouts, even more so because I understand how important they are -- and why we should be strict. I don't have any problem with failing some one on their tryout, who said it was easy? But I'm also as fair as the Tryout SOPs allows me to be, things have to be done _correctly_ but honorably (y).
Although, to be perfectly honest I don't think I've met any recruit that didn't have it in them to pass a Troopers Tryout. If they didn't, odds are they wouldn't have been granted Recruit tags yet.
Heh, I remember my first clan back during my MechWarrior career. When I ended up with [SAS] down in Rvs, I was like "Huh? I'm getting trained and I've not been given a tryout yet?". [SAS]'s selection course I think is as close to the real thing in terms of being more like the military then the average group of gamers.
I'm really an easy going guy for the most part, but tryout conductor == iron fist-ed stickler for the tinest detail. When I conduct a tryout, you can generally be sure that who ever passes got a solid tryout or the ship went down trying!
The one thing I do like about conducting tryouts, is getting to debrief the recruit when they've passed. That's the good part before the paper work and admin work pile up when they've passed haha.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Having dived down the rabbit hole an RSM and landed a Warrant Officer Class 1 in Wonderland, I know the red pill was the best choice.
I'm not really sorry to see the RSMs post go, it is really a lot less to worry about. I still have responsibilities but of a different nature, the one thing I really do like about the WO1 task set is the potentional jack of all trades nature it holds.
Some people don't do things by halves, including me. I know many things but am master of few, yet I often study well beyond my skill sets own domain.
I've been transferring as many files as I think relivent over to our new RSM but I havn't had time to formally report for my own orders yet. Now being the most healthy one here I'm stuck on the on call every 2 minutes at the drop of a pin instead of ht emore normal 5 minutes :-(. First time I've seen my mother throwing up in almost 20 years, whether she has a cold or not I know I'm only with allergies. Ended up with blood in the output of one of my allergy attacks today, not sure if that is a good sign or a bad sign but I know one thing -- my sinuses feel a hell of a lot better !
With luck the down time won't be to much... I'm usually like a butler around this house any way :\. I'm not exactly the best person for the job imho but there is no other course of action. What would my family do if I didn't act the way I do.... lol.
I'm not really sorry to see the RSMs post go, it is really a lot less to worry about. I still have responsibilities but of a different nature, the one thing I really do like about the WO1 task set is the potentional jack of all trades nature it holds.
Some people don't do things by halves, including me. I know many things but am master of few, yet I often study well beyond my skill sets own domain.
I've been transferring as many files as I think relivent over to our new RSM but I havn't had time to formally report for my own orders yet. Now being the most healthy one here I'm stuck on the on call every 2 minutes at the drop of a pin instead of ht emore normal 5 minutes :-(. First time I've seen my mother throwing up in almost 20 years, whether she has a cold or not I know I'm only with allergies. Ended up with blood in the output of one of my allergy attacks today, not sure if that is a good sign or a bad sign but I know one thing -- my sinuses feel a hell of a lot better !
With luck the down time won't be to much... I'm usually like a butler around this house any way :\. I'm not exactly the best person for the job imho but there is no other course of action. What would my family do if I didn't act the way I do.... lol.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)