The more I'm here, the worse I feel
It's like wasting away, on a full stomach.
Every thing points to the past, will it never die?
As I long für the future, to hold all I seek in my hands.
Little more then that dream keeps my bones from breaking.

Oh LORD, why am I tormented so...
I know almost no peace, my enemies no relent, till I am bound and gagged.
I keep my mouth shut, less it bring the rain.
While the wild beats graze around me, in search of flesh.

All I can see, is the emptiness here, so far am I from my goals.
Even the slightest thought of them, makes me crazy.
Just to concentrate a moment on that sensation...
Of all the things that could be, my life fulfilled.


Why can't I have release? Even for a time of rest, just to be at peace.
They come at me, as if thieves by night to take my life.
Fore they take every thing and leave nothing behind,
Nothing save the corpse of my heart.

Where there was once joy, they bring pain.
Where there was once love, they bring sorrow.
Where there was once tranquility, they bring rage.

I find nothing of what I seek here, only a battlefield.
Layered with mines and entrenched with barbwire.
Some times I think, I would throw it all away...
Even my very dignity, my very sanity just for a few seconds.


But I know, that path seals fates but never frees them.
So I continue to stand, although I may crack and crumble.
My body refuses to break completely, surrender is not a word I know.
Yet sadly, nether is peace a word I'm familiar with either.


I am given sweet bread to eat, but nothing else in this place
Where I feel bitterness around me, as the chains that bind me
Are forged ever stronger about me. Whether 'tis by my destruction
Or by my freedom, be they even entwined:

I yearn to walk freely through the light again.


-- 2008-04-26