Mother's Day, past Zero hour

Just sorted Ma's ecard, if she doesn't check her email in the morning, well that's her problem lol.

It's always been a bit of a tradition of mine, to prep cards at the last minute: and usually hand made. Except the usual forced family card list for all the major holidays... lol.

In recent years, do to, you could say some rather unpleasant experiences, I have adapted ecards for my family. It has also been somewhat of a recent row, that I never gave her a card last Mother's day, nor wished her a happy one. (Or was it the year before last, honestly I don't keep track of all this shit!) There was a bit of a hateful argument involved, so I bugged out -- the you can vent all you want to the wall, but I ain't listening kind. It was my feeling, that such a sign of 'weakness' would be pounced upon and thrown back in my face, because really, that is the kind of family I've had to grow up in. We forget nothing, we are not capable of it; the question is what capacity is it maintained in...

As things are more docile this year, she gets both a card and a happy Mother's Day... assuming she checks her email lol.


In my experience, members of my branch of the family, generally are better at exhibiting cruelty, hatred, and the like, then any inverse emotion. Such is the hell, called family. One of the things that differentiates me and most of my family, I choose to not be that way... most of the time that is. Because while I do not believe in hurting people more then necessary, I also will "bite" when hurting someone else, prevents them from hurting me even worse....

Only my family, has ever really had the power to wound me, and they are generally good at it, whether or not they intend to; so I always take any positive action on my part, with a grain of salt -- in consideration of it invoking a backfire. That is one sad part of loving family, anyone you love, has infinite power over you: however they utilize it.




I honestly think, someday I will look upon most of my memories, as just another feeling to burn in the fire.