Monday, March 31, 2008

Had to leave the eeting early for chow, wasn't that hungry...

Passed out on the couch and slept like a baby until the phone rang lol. Went back to sleep until a knock on the door, and then got thrown off the couch >_>

Only for Willow to keep me from going to sleep lol.

I'm some where between invigorated and about to collapse.... We'll see which happens first. Hopefully I didn't miss any thing important that I won't hear about later, I think I stayed for most of it. Being AFK about 10-15 times between the web-meeting and the snco-meeting aside that is lol.

*sighs* Ya gotta love family...

Writer's Block: Sick Day

What is your favorite thing about being sick?
Live Journals Writer's Block


0/ People fusing about it

1/ Ma worried about work

2/ Ice Cream and a Soar Throat suck

3/ Drinking input equals pissing output

4/ I tend to sleep more in the "zombie" style.

5/ I was raised that work don't stop unless your ass falls off.

What is there to like about being sick? >_>
Work, Chores, Web affairs meeting, SNCO/Clan Meeting, 5 XFire Windows, over 7 Voices at once between TS (1), Family, and XFire, started off after noon and still going by 2030...


As soon as this meeting is done, I'm l aying down and let my head rest.

Oh how sweet it would be to have no AFKage.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

A funky nightmare... Well, nightmare in the sense that it's that kind of dream, but not very scary to me.

Unarmed and bare foot, moving through the muddy grounds around a large building with a teammate.

Made some comment about being careful not to step on any ones graves.

Linked up at the front of the building with two others and got equipped.

One handed me a large pistol, a Sig Sauer P226 with a very high capacity magazine. I know the military model can load 15 rounds in a magazine for the 9x19mm version, in RvS the more compact P228 still crams 27 rounds with a high capacity mag over the standard issue 13+1 rounds.

Gained entry and locked ourselves in the building, started poking around.. Seemed it was expected of me to take charge so I organsed us into an Element. One operator, the one that passed me the Sig Sauer took up overwatch on a large open stairwell area going to a lower level. While I took #2 EL in a formation of three, with a large Rear Guard and a female Point.

We started clearing the nearby rooms, stealth to first contact but going full dynamic speed on room entries. We didn't use Flashbangs for fear of setting off alarms.

In one room we took down there was a crying child, I'm thinking ok.. live one, rescue op: tag'em, pump for intel, and move on.

Only it wasn't alive what ever it was. It was very sad, offered no real usable information or coherency. Point took her sidearm and shot it in the face, no blood no nothing.. Just a ghostly fade... Funky !

So with a spooked Point I formed us back up in the hallway to check out the next rooms, cleared most with only a few more ghostly contacts. All of which would moan and fade out a bit after being shot.

Moved us into another area, I could see two avenues of attack if we moved through it. So I ordered Point and Rear Guard into the 'mouth' of the path while I flanked along the other side to scout for enemies. No contacts but a good chance of crossing their line of fire and getting myself shot, so I reported in and had Rear Guard (#3) move up so I could pull back a bit and rejoin #1.

#3 moved out into the open and we took fire, at least I think it was gun fire. Like a bright white light, maybe some kind of energy weapon or some thing super natural but enough to penetrate walls and warrant taking cover!

Point and I were pinned down in the barrel I hoped to avoid getting us shot up in while Rear Guard was out on the balcony dancing and suppressing. I flanked around and went to help, I could see shooters on the roof tops nearby and put rounds out but I knew we had to get back to cover.

Ordered the retreat: I made it, Rear Guard didn't... Lost my own M16 in the process but I managed to scrounge about for a FN P90, off a corpse maybe. Regrouping with Point we found out that #4 was gone with out a trace...

Got ambushed by a half-ghost, half-zombie like humanoid and a mummified cat of some sort. Point nearly got strangled, managed to take the zombies head off and we unraveled the cat with plenty of P90 fire between us and I took it down with the P226. That was just freaky man.

With more ghostly like zombie things closing in and with a shell shocked Point from the lack of air, emptied the P90 and some of the Sig Sauer into them for some cover then I grabbed Point by by the scruff of her flak vest and took off running for the lower level. With the intention of breaking contact with the enemy and going to guerrilla tactics if necessary to survive.

Strange dream :\

While things like being trapped in Hill House or even a Resident Evil like situations occasionally come up in nightmares... But it's very rare that I'm ever armed and able to defend myself, let along having an Element for back up.

And it is even more rare that I ever dream of doing room clearing lool.

Maybe I just need more sleep.... Went to bed around 0400 last night and I don't think I fell asleep until like close to 0600 or some thing.d

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Snakes and Tree Frogs

Metal Gear Solid 3: Trailer

It's a shame that The Boss had to die at the end in order to complete her mission for the USA. It's no wonder that "Big Boss" would betray his country in later years, after all MGS3 basically amounts to the lot of them being screwed over for ~20 Billion. I'm axious to some day see Metal Gear Solid 4, and I wonder if the aging Solid Snake will himself be,

"Loyal to the end"

Hmm, found a copy of the intro music from Metal Gear Solid 3 posted on YouTube:

It's a bit of a funky track but it kind of grows on you after enough hours of working Snake through the jungle hehe.

Writer's Block: No Laughing Matter

What do you think is too serious to joke about?
Live Journals Writer's Block

That is a good question... Will figure out an answer when one hits <_<

Hmm, laughing matters, I'd describe myself as some one that has to be free to crack jokes as I see them. I'm not really happy unless I'm free to laugh; even if I have some what of an off beat sense of humour at times. I keep most of it to myself, because I doubt any one else would find half of what I do funny... If they did, GOD help us all haha!

I'd say I'm the type that will either cry with, or try to crack a smile instead but will probably have to run like hell before she punches me in the face for trying to make her laugh >_>.

That's just who I am....

There are only a few things that I'd really consider a matter to skip all pretense or sense of humour about. Probably all of which would fit into the kinda category that if I wasn't a Christian, some one would be praying the police arrive on scene before I do.

I'm not a violent person no venom glands either I guess but there is a limit to how much I will stand for. I think I could forgive almost any thing done to me... Perhaps more then a lot of others that I know could forgive but -- you don't hurt those close to me.

You fuck with them, you're fucking with me and I'm not one to fuck with.

If some one laid a finger on my friends or family, the gloves would probably be coming off. Despite my normal philosophy against hurting people, I'd sooner knock a few lights out then sit by letting some one I care for get seriously miss treated. I guess things in that light are the no laughing matters for me.

For some reason a scene from Good Fellas comes to mind: the one where he pistol whips the prick next door :-)

The character of henry might have been a crook but he did the right thing. He was called, he went as soon as he could, he was there when needed... Although he didn't have to beat the crap out of the guy, I can't blame him for it either. Two things that I can't stand for in this world are mistreating women and abusing children and I have no respect for anyone that does either.

It is indeed a good thing that Vengeance is the LORDs to exact and not ours...

If I was Ray Liotta's character [Henry] in Good Fellas I would have been very tempted to go kneecaping instead of pistol whipping. Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six has a nice description of what the PIRA guys [which later ambushed team Rainbow & family] used to do to drug dealers hehe. It was a quite painful although non-lethal use of ones sidearm but it was enough to make dealers think twice about selling dope again in that neck of the woods; especially if they couldn't limp away fast enough.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Tried laying down, no help.

Noshing on rice crispy treats and mini-hershey's bars on the other hand works :-)

At least it gets my brain cells back in shape any way.

Independence Day is on, so there is at least *one* good thing on TV. Beigining a systematic transfer of files from my laptop to the file server,to be completed with archiving the local copies before going with a more permanent mounting solution.

I've got the laptop setup to mount them via sshfs and the desktop via smb.

I've got plenty of shit to do, but I don't feel like doing any thing... I can't stand sitting around doing nothing either though :\

I guess it's a fair reason to look into some method of organizing my music files in a manor I can live with :\

Hmm, official to do list...

SOP Rewrites
TeXLive 2007 PBI/Port?
Vi User Howto
The book
And... the rest in due time.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


The following ports are needed:


They depend on sysutils/fusefs-libs, packages are available on each at the moment for 6.3-Release.

Enable FUSE for system start up via rc.conf (I'd suggest rc.conf.local for PC-BSD) by adding this:

# enable File System in User Space

And fusefs will be ready op on reboot. As an alterntivie to rebooting one could load the module and start fusefs manually.

kldload /usr/local/modules/fuse.ko
/usr/local/etc/rc.d/fusefs start

After that, if you can ssh to the server you can at least mount your home directory via SSH :-)

sshfs username@host ~/mount_point

Since UNIX uses a numerical user and group id (uid, gid) to check file ownership and what not.. And my user account on my laptop was created in the PC-BSD install my uid & guid are 1001, on my OpenBSD machine hosting the files my UID & GID are set to more 'personal' integers, so they have to be mapped for my local account

sshfs -o uid=1001 -o gid=1001 username@host ~/mount_point

the username@host syntax is the same as scp, which means the common $USER@$VECTRA:/what/ever notation I use can be used for this as well, if the :/where/ever part is ommited it will use ones home directly from the server.

I have the fusefs-smbnetfs port installed but I'm not exactly fond of microsoft networking. I'm also very tempted to test a little bit of NFS over SSH, but I don't have much problem with using SSHFS from my laptop and SMB/CIFS from my desktop.

I've created a few SMB Shares on the OpenBSD machine that match up to parts of my home directory, tomorrow I'll start transferring files over. My Music, Videos, and Pictures directories amount for 2.8GB of files alone. So I don't have much problem with off loading them.

Since I always back crap up first and the files are non critical I can put up with being unable to use the 'current' set of them whenever my file servers off line, which is rare. It'll also be possible for me to set up a few cron jobs that'll backup my files more regularly: without needing to use the network (scp/ssh) directly! And I can always write a cronjob to seek and destroy those stupid Thumbs.db files Windows Explorer always makes.

I'm not sure about my ~/Documents and ~/code directories yet, that's almost 400MB of files right there but I'd rather not have to deal with out of date copies if Vectra goes off line. Although I could always set up my laptop to scp over a compressed nihgtly backup... We'll see where it goes after some live-testing.

In my ideal world, I think my entire home directory would be residing on the server but I'm not quite ready to trust the hardware here for that yet 0.o

All I see around me is hatred, anger, and cruelty...
This is not of me, but of the world that surrounds me.
I was once asked, "Will you be kind or will you be cruel?"
I had asked it of myself, and I chose not to be cruel...
There is little anger left in me, I do not wish to hate,
and I can not bear to be like that which surrounds me.
Man doesn't live by bread alone, yet how we live on.
Even when there is nothing left but emptiness.
Just that same pain and sorrow
Just that same blackness of night
As they lash out at the nearest targets
I have gone thousands of miles for you out of love,
yet you could not go but one mile for my sake?
"Am I nothing more then an tool?"
Ends can never completely justify their means.
I have shouldered more then my fair share of things,
yet if I stop acting as they strike around me
I am surrounded with a fury... Stricken without regard, with no logic.
I fear, like a wild beast they will descend upon me
To the slightest sign of weakness, like wolfs unto fresh blood.
I will not be capitulated by the actions that causes my refusal.
And I am beatend down for it, even if I refuse in silent.
Only my GOD sees the cuts and scares across my heart
HE's the one that walks beside me, pulling the blades from my sides.
HE sees what no one else sees, what even they do not see.

Once I sought a reason to live, it lay close at hand.
My memories haunt me, fore I have nothing else but memories.
Of what once was, of what may have been.
Even that has deserted me, I have but one strength..
The flesh is able but the spirit is weak LORD,
Oh how I long to feel again, even just for a moment...
That which was lost; did it truly exist?
My heart twisted, my guts rended, my mind cut.
for what ends?
To that sorrowful fate as the waves came crashing down
No one else by my side, set a drift across a river of pain.
YOU were there when I washed up on the other shore.
The ones that sent me, long gone...
I think I once may have known what it was.
Perhaps I was not meant to find it,
perhaps I am but a fool..
But there is only so much I can bear LORD, I don't have your strength.

You are like the mountains, strong and unchangeable.
I, like the worm whither and frail in the winds that come.
Nothing to lose but my future,
nothing to gain but a moments pleasure
That bitter sweet memory of what once was.
I once had a dream, but it is gone from me.

I didst fall into that trap, like a fly to the web.
Only to be ripped apart by the creature that lay within.
Yet I could not bring myself to leave, for that sorrowful fate...
That lay behind me.
Of what was, and what may have been.
Tis' nothing more then to haunt me.
I let it go, I can't hold on to it any longer.
Yet, I stand still...
I draw the breath you give me,
but what more is there for me?
How much longer can I endure...
YOU endured so much for me, how can I not continue?
LORD keep my feet moving along the path
Direct them along the right road
I no longer know my course
Be it to my destruction or my salvation
Lead the way, I have nothing left to fear.

-- The world around me, myself, March 2008.

Some how I find the current track in my playlist ironic...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


Spent most of the evening moving furniture about. Lugging a couch out and two beds in, not much fun really. For much of the day my minds been some where between thinking about things I shouldn't and trying not to think about them.

I suppose that is one of the problems with a long memory I guess, you remember things well...

The only highlight, Summer Rental was on, very good John Candy movie. My thought, "Take me home", I ain't been to the beach in so long... Maybe some day I'll see one again.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Well, started about 0020 or some thing, now 0330 and I've got about 1GB of files installed...

Downloaded TeXLives DVD ISO and I'm nearing the end of a full install scheme to /usr/Programs/texlive/2007.

I dunno if it will work, even if I could get it to work in PBI format I'm not sure if I'd want to upload the mother but hey, it's a shot !

So far all of the libs needed by the freebsd binaries seem to be found installed, that's good.. The system is so freaking huge I'd probably need an army of TeX masters just to write unit tests to find out what works and doesn't.

So far most of the bulk seems to be the omni-lingual nature

I expect that it will work as far as the tests outlighted in the TeXLive guide, probably build the various TeX documents I've got.. My Vi-User-HOWTO, my novel, new [SAS] Trooper Tryout SOP, a few sections of the SOP Rewrites, etc.

I also have a porting doc handy about the OpenBSD port written by the guy that seems to have done most of the work on OpenBSD.

First, I'll try a PBI but I expect short of stripping it down to English only files or maybe even the big 6 that it'll be to huge to move around easy. I want to see how I can compact this because there is about 1.1GB of files installed right now out of the 1.7GB of ISO which I unzipped from a 935MB Archive :-). Any way you slice it that is pretty freaking big to PBI... be it build, upload, or download lol.

If I can, I'd like to try a port for FreeBSD but assuming even the install I just did _works_, I'm not sure if I would like the best way of installing it from ports... We'll see what happens.

Depending on how work'n or broke'n it is I suppose depends on how a port would work out.

 ===================> TeX Live installation procedure <==================

===> Note: Letters/digits in  indicate menu items <===
===>       for commands or configurable options                   <===

TeX Live can be used on multiple systems
as a separate subdirectory is used for each
installed binary package in /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/bin.

Preparing list of files to be installed...
  Intel x86 with FreeBSD

  Essential programs and files 
  Extra BibTeX styles 
  TeX auxiliary programs 
  ConTeXt format 
  Base documentation 
  Bulgarian documentation 
  Chinese documentation 
  Czechslovak documentation 
  Dutch documentation 
  English documentation 
  Finnish documentation 
  French documentation 
  German documentation 
  Greek documentation 
  Italian documentation 
  Japanese documentation 
  Korean documentation 
  Mongolian documentation 
  Polish documentation 
  Portuguese documentation 
  Russian documentation 
  Spanish documentation 
  Thai documentation 
  Turkish documentation 
  Ukrainian documentation 
  Vietnamese documentation 
  TeX font-related programs 
  Extra fonts 
  Recommended fonts 
  Extra formats 
  Games typesetting (chess, etc) 
  Miscellaneous extra generic macros 
  Miscellaneous generic macros 
  Graphics tools 
  HTML/SGML/XML support 
  LaTeX support for the humanities 
  Basic LaTeX packages 
  LaTeX3 packages 
  LaTeX supplementary packages 
  LaTeX recommended packages 
  Advanced math typesetting 
  MetaPost (and Metafont) drawing packages 
  Music typesetting 
  Packages for drawings graphics 
  Plain TeX supplementary packages 
  PSTricks packages 
  PostScript and Truetype utilities 
  Support for publishers 
  Typesetting for natural and computer sciences 
  GNU Texinfo 
  TrueType font manipulation 
  XeTeX macros 

  African scripts 
  Chinese, Japanese, Korean 
  Greek typesetting 
  Other hyphenation files 
  UK English 

Now copying selected files
PKGONLY collection-basic collection-bibtexextra collection-binextra 
collection-context collection-documentation-base 
collection-documentation-bulgarian collection-documentation-chinese 
collection-documentation-czechslovak collection-documentation-dutch 
collection-documentation-english collection-documentation-finnish 
collection-documentation-french collection-documentation-german 
collection-documentation-greek collection-documentation-italian 
collection-documentation-japanese collection-documentation-korean 
collection-documentation-mongolian collection-documentation-polish 
collection-documentation-portuguese collection-documentation-russian 
collection-documentation-spanish collection-documentation-thai 
collection-documentation-turkish collection-documentation-ukrainian 
collection-documentation-vietnamese collection-fontbin collection-fontsextra 
collection-fontsrecommended collection-formatsextra collection-games 
collection-genericextra collection-genericrecommended collection-graphicstools 
collection-htmlxml collection-humanities collection-langafrican 
collection-langarab collection-langarmenian collection-langcjk 
collection-langcroatian collection-langcyrillic collection-langczechslovak 
collection-langdanish collection-langdutch collection-langfinnish 
collection-langfrench collection-langgerman collection-langgreek 
collection-langhebrew collection-langhungarian collection-langindic 
collection-langitalian collection-langlatin collection-langmanju 
collection-langmongolian collection-langnorwegian collection-langother 
collection-langpolish collection-langportuguese collection-langspanish 
collection-langswedish collection-langtibetan collection-langukenglish 
collection-langvietnamese collection-latex collection-latex3 collection-latexextra
 collection-latexrecommended collection-mathextra collection-metapost 
collection-music collection-omega collection-pictures collection-plainextra 
collection-pstricks collection-psutils collection-publishers collection-science 
collection-texinfo collection-ttfutils collection-xetex 

Done copying.
Testing for /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/bin/i386-freebsd/texconfig....
Making language.dat in /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-var/tex/generic/config
 from your language selections...
Updating filename database with mktexlsr...
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-dist/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-local/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-var/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Done.
Doing post-install jobs from the packages...
   ... snip ...
Making map files for dvips, pdftex, dvipdfm with updmap...
Re-updating filename database with mktexlsr...
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-dist/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-local/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Updating /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-var/ls-R... 
mktexlsr: Done.

Installation is finished.  (Wed Mar 26 03:43:06 EDT 2008)

Formats will be built for each user as needed.  If you wish to install
all formats at once, for everyone on your system, run fmtutil-sys --all.

For future global configuration, edit files in /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf-var
(or run texconfig or texconfig-sys).

Add /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf/doc/man to MANPATH.
Add /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/texmf/doc/info to INFOPATH.
Most importantly, add /usr/Programs/texlive/2007/bin/i386-freebsd
  to your PATH for current and future sessions.

See ./index.html for links to documentation.
The TeX Live web site (
contains any updates and corrections.

TeX Live is a joint project of the TeX user groups around the world;
please consider supporting it by joining the group best for you.  
The list of groups is available on the web at

Welcome to TeX Live!

Cross ya fingers and hang on for a wild ride... 'cuz here we go baby.

Personal forum signature

A little thing I've wanted to do for awhile now... Make myself a decent signature. Generally on [SAS] forums I just use my XFire block (required) and a link to my live journal. Other places, gaming wise I usually clone my sigblock from my E-Mail and convert the 22nd [SAS] EVR part to a link to our home page.

I'm really not a sig crazed person lol. I was looking through the Sigs folder in my saved images. I have all of the ones I've used, mostly made by two of my friends that used to be heavy into that stuff. And a few of their own that I thought worth saving as mementos.

So I set out to create one myself:

Prototype #7

My first self-made signature

Prototype #9

After friends comments

I had screwed up and couldn't get it as I wanted it, so I over laid parts of the background on top of the face. Although I thought it made sense to it that way, I really think #9 looks better.

The solider is Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater and the woman is "Ivy" Valentine from Soul Calibur.

Both game series and the characters have meaning to me, and I think for my mind this is a good combination. I don't really expect any one but me to understand it, if I did I probably wouldn't have bothered making it.

Whoever wins, the battle does not end.
The loser is set free from the battlefield,
while the winner must remain there.
And the survivor will live out his life
as the warrior until the day he dies.

-- Big Boss, 1990, in Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake.

A specter of this past...

Monday, March 24, 2008

SOPs and the screaming running dashing SNCO team

A relatively full day...

I've spent most of the day working on the SOP rewrites with my peers, I wish we could have them done in days... but I don't know if we could pull that off.. or if I'd still be standing afterwards.

We got a major section done, I'll read about what the other SNCOs have to say tomorrow. I need to get the Preface, Intro, and RoE fixed tonight and we got maybe 5 sections done today. Tomorrow, I guess a review of the next two parts with there assoicated (~6) sections.

Rasa and I spent most of the day in my office, when he dropped for the night he said it had been 5 hours... I barely could tell :\

I only know two ways of doing things, sit on my duff or work till I drop... No in between. I guess maybe I do tend to take things to extremes but how else to get'em done?

And Ma hasn't been feeling good so I've been hoping, skipping, and jumping a lot whenever she needed something. Next time I say I'm going to do some thing all day even if I get a sore ass -- I'll keep my mouth shut lool. Despite the hyper business, headaches, and multitasking (~5 chat windows, 3 browser tabs, music, etc) it's been quite productive.

My family generally knows my own SOP, if I love you I'll do *almost* any thing short of breaking most of the Ten Commandments. So nothing I can do on that matter lol.

At least I've been sleeping... Instead of going to bed like 0700 in the morning it's been more like 0430 which is a lot better. Honestly I'm not sure what is worse, knowing it's an all-nighter when a British radio station is in the middle of the morning Zoo or your own regular radio station starts doing the morning on the way to work stuff !!!

And I did eventually make it into TG#1 for a little Rvs, The Baroness got me in and being the [SAS] Magnet she seems to be. We soon had a nice couple of rounds, JB, Random, Spawn, the pubs and I think even Valroe joined the fray after I left.

Writer's Block: Stolen Goods

What is the most valuable thing you've ever had stolen from you?
Live Journals Writer's Block

My ability to think clearly !!!

Some times my family has me to pushed to such a point that I think if I tried adding 2 + 2 together that it would come out 6 instead of 4 !


Sunday, March 23, 2008

3MByte aDSL is to slow.

You know your internet connection sucks when you are only...

  • downloading two files over ftp, maybe 150mb in all
  • streaming music from a server probably 20-30 klicks away
  • browsing 8-12 web pages in tabs in flock
  • connected to AIM, MSN, YIM, ICQ, and LJTalk through Pidgin
  • On in 4 #channels (using konversation for the client)

And the music keeps stuttering LOL.

Either that or you just multi task to dang much.... HAHAHA !

Oh baby where have you been all my life?

I just found the mixer(8) command on my BSD powered laptop when looking through the handbook.

This rocks !

Every now and then I like to adjust my sound volume, on the laptop I usually have music going all of the time. I've got kmix docked iso I can open and adjust it but that kind of sucks. Because I have to swap from keyboard to mouse or worse mouse-jet around to go from what I was doing to adjusting the sound. Some times the volume slider in my systray really is the best way for that.

Now when I could just suspend Vim and use mixer to adjust it without leaving my shell, that is perfect!

$ mixer
Mixer vol      is currently set to  50:50
Mixer pcm      is currently set to  25:25
Mixer speaker  is currently set to  81:81
Mixer line     is currently set to  75:75
Mixer mic      is currently set to   0:0
Mixer cd       is currently set to  75:75
Mixer rec      is currently set to   0:0
Mixer igain    is currently set to   0:0
Mixer ogain    is currently set to  50:50
Recording source: mic
$ mixer -s
vol 50:50 pcm 25:25 speaker 81:81 line 75:75 mic 0:0 cd 75:75 rec 0:0 igain 0:0 ogain 50:50 =rec mic%                                                          
$ mixer pcm 0:0
Setting the mixer pcm from 25:25 to 0:0.
$ mixer pcm 25:25
Setting the mixer pcm from 0:0 to 25:25.

I set the PCM/Wave to 0 and then back to 25% left and right effectively muting an unmuting my sound. Since some programs will modify the PCM/Wave setting when changing the volume, like MPlayer and XMMS do by default. While others like Xine based stuff (Kaffeine and Amarok for example) are poilite enough not to dick with the system sound settings.

I've come to setting my Volume to 50% and adjusting the PCM setting at will. I could probably make most programs use there own virtual channel and not screw with the overall sound but on my laptop I rarely have a need for it.

I would rather like it if I could do some thing like that on my Windows machine though, so I could for example adjust volumes independently for some applications that don't support software mixing on windows. Which means all of there sounds run at the settings in windows control center... Like XFires message beeps (ugh) but with how the sound works on my desktop with the Audigy 4.... I'm just happy if I can play Raven Shield and listen to music in any thing _other_ then WMP and not get a BSOD quite often when using the server browser in Rvs!


Hmm could this be the solution to my problems ?

sshfs -o uid=MyLocalUID -o gid=MyLocalGID $USER@$VECTRA: /tmp/mnt

$VECTRA is an environment variable that expands to the address of my file server.

I was able to access my remote users home directory (the one on $VECTRA) through the /tmp/mnt folder on my laptop ($DIXIE)

My local User ID and Group ID #'s on this system are the defaults setup when I installed PC-BSD, don't recall if I had an option to set them. On my file server where I used adduser my UID/GID reflect my DOB so they needed to be remapped. Once I did that I was able to work on the files through a mount point I own, and

as expected the trusty umount command worked (of course you can't be using the files while trying to un mount them)

fusefs-smbnetfs in ports is another thing I want to look at, because SMB is suitable for the windows clients just as much as sshfs is for my lapto... Only I care more about my laptop having *good* integration :-)

On windows I don't have a problem with SMB shares because it's fairly integrated with the system, and I use a file manager for manipulating files... The cmd.exe is just to wasteful, it is the worst terminal emulator slash shell I have ever seen! Heck I'd rather confine my self to /bin/sh lol.

On my laptop, I usually do file management through my shell. I don't use an external mouse, just the touch pad so you could say it's in my best interests to make use of keyboard friendly designs ;-). I spend most of my time using a shell and utils for file management... So KDE's integration with SMB Shares (almost as good as Windows and without the lockups).

mount_smbfs requires running as root because of what it has to do, that's not acceptible to me although possibly I could rig my laptop for a passwordless sudo mount_smbfs but I don't consider that an acceptable method whether it would work or not.

I'd like to be able to move parts of my home directories to the server. That way I can offload the current versions of my Music, Video, and Image files. I could even move my Documents and code directories which would be nice, right now I've been in a bit of a pesky situation.

tar -cf /tmp/foo.tar foo && scp /tmp/foo.tar $USER@$VECTRA:/srv/smb/Files/

So I can work on files from my windows machine, and just tar them back up and scp them over on the laptop later. A poor work around...

I need to test the fusefs-smbnetfs port, either way I know what I want. And to be honest I don't have a problem with using sshfs for my laptop and smb for my desktop as long as I can get every thing working properly. Using sshfs on the laptop instead would also mean no need to change my laptops firewall configuration.

I just need to see how they handle a network failure....

My file server is usually online but not always, so I'd be hesitant to put my entire home directory on it. And even then, because of my shitty internet connection I often have to do a power cycle on the modem and some times the router every few weeks... So that is a factor that needs to be considered.

And actually, that might be a good way to _test_ it out !

Just not on my laptops home directory xD
*sighs* there goes any slack I get :\

I'm looking at an assignment coming my way that I'm not fond of, one of those "I will but don't want" kind of assignments... Of course I take it unquestionably, I know no other response.

I ain't leaving my teammate high & dry.

If he can take his own work load in the arrangement... I can take mine. I'll pass out when he does <_<

And so begins... an interesting journey.

Writer's Block: If at first you don't succeed...

What have you tried in life that you just weren't very good at?
Live Journals Writer's Block

You name it and if I've tried it, I probably wasn't very good at it.

Games ? Well actually I was quite good when I was in diapers lool but after that not so good. I was never quite talented at any of them but look at the road.

I hold the "ultimate victory" score of over 100 wins in Soul Blade, me and my brother actually used to sit and play that much of it, then play some Tekken 3 :-). Although he did get me back by countering my tactics in later years. But in the move to Soul Calibur II and Tekken IV I was back on top in the end. He's always been more skilled at fighting games then me though.

Since Motal Kombat I, Street Fighter II, Killer Instinct, Tekken 2, Soul Blade, and countless others. I never was really that skilled at it but I remember my hay day in Soul Blade. If I ever would have had the opportunity for it that is one game I would really have wanted to get into a tournament or some thing for so I could see how I would've racked up against others.

First Person shooters ? I'm not even going to go there haha. Although with the many I've played, in the end it's usually been creamy.

Flight Sims? Heck the first time out I think I probably crashed like 40 or 60 times but then it was natural. I love the dog fighting, gun to gun but I've never found AI that was much skilled at actually flying. I remember one time when my brother saw me at work he was like "you lethal bastard" or some thing <_<. I remember Ace Combat 3, nice game but a little to arcade like -- the boss fights however. I remember the Raven and the Aurora, so fast, so agile that they are worth a fight... even if you can take them down in like 3 minutes blind folded or some thing I forget what the max time was for an A-Rank. They were still some of the best evasive pilots I've seen in Fighter AI!

MechWarrior ? I was horrid at first, I remember when I first played online I don't think I even scored one kill, if I did probably with like 5-8 deaths in the process. I had my 'favorite' setup, a 45 Ton Shadow Cat with lots of speed, armour, but few weapons -- just enough to count 'legally' as damage. The other MechWarrior used a heavier 70-75 Ton 'Mech like a Timerberwolf or Cauldron Born full of ER Large Lasers and blew my 'Mech to pieces.

I was always proud of my piloting ability, I was even complimented on it at times. But I was always some what disappointed during my MechWarrior gaming career, to little battle tech and much to little engineering involved. Still I trained with my best wings, 2 on 1 and I was the 1 while my friends were the two. Eventually I could hold my own in 'Mech combat. Our last year together in the Vengeance League playing MW4:Mercs, we all placed in the upper half of the leagues top 100, like the three musketeers we were. I think Cyborg might've almost made it to the top 10 one year.

I was a specialized in Snipeing and Light 'Mech ops. Ever heard of some one getting jealous over your supposed relationship with your 'Mech? Haha... Mage & Cyb might still remember that one more funny'ly then I do (touchy subject) but it was nuts. Ah it was some fun days back in the 'days, wild and crazy across the field. I also remember when I finally scored the bragging rights hehe. Me and Cyb used to dual a lot, often in Nova Cat (sniping) and he usually would win. One day I took him on in a 20 Ton light 'Mech and owned his 70 Ton Nova Cat with my Fire Moth -- Now that was gratifying lool. Sadly the next patch crippled the Fire Moth and it became useless :-(. We used to do great in 2on2's because of how often we did 1on1's lol.

I don't really miss MW4 a lot, I do miss hanging with my friends and rackign up wins in the leagues together though but it was probably good that we retired. The community really got pretty bad by the time I left it, now it's probably totally gone as we knew it.

Raven Shield ? Hahahahahah !!!! I think I was up to the bar as good as any one else by my side as a Trp. I don't consider myself better or worse then my fellow members in [SAS] but when I first started playing Raven Shield.... I'd be lucky if I could get past the first tango ! And look at me today, not a great run but compared to day one it's an Olympian metal.

[click to enlarge]
Last man standing and top spider

[SAS] and CQB Tactics and things? Dead as a doornail at first but years later... I'm an RSM, one of the most senior NCO positions on the team. As an NCO? I think I was probably one of the greatest failures as a LCpl... That's my feelings on the matter but as an SSM? Much better at teaching I think and defintally much more productive either way. I some what regret though, that I've never been a Drill Instructor. Maybe in the future I'll get the chance.

Accuracy in First Person Shooters ? When I played Medal of Honor on the PS1 my average scores were in the 25-39% range with a lot of arm shots. In [SAS] in Rvs my average accuracy is more of 45-65% and occasionally on good days 70-90%, not bad when you consider in _most_ games people would be spraying and praying like a moron hitting a tenth of the time lool. Give me a sniper rifle, a good mark to shoot at, and a good secure firing position and I'll rack'em up -- I don't like missing. Last time I played one of the MoH games my accuracy was much higher like 54-77% and mostly torso and headshots, that is what 2 years in the 22nd SAS Elite Virtual Regiment will do for ya.

Programming ? Well I wouldn't call my self skilled but I've come millions of miles since I started. When I first started even the syntax for the control flows were tough to figure out, now... Many languages later, many lines later, and still no formal education I'm actually able to do some thing! I knew no one was going to teach me, so I looked for source to read, being able to read other peoples code (shit or gold) is a big part of it. Writing, well... I am the only one that has an opinion of it and I rather like that I could define rules for operating on my C code lol.

Much of my style and ways of doing things revolve around the concept that I've got to read it, I've got to edit it, I ain't gonna remember it all two months from now, and some one else could have to to; s'one reason I try to be consistent. I don't have much to say about other peoples code unless there is a problem. But with what I write, I try to get it working, then I try to make it the best I can, because it's my work.

Exercise and Physical actives? Never been much for it but able to do plenty.. I remember with the drills, oy I hate exercise lool. It's comforting though to know what your body can do though, and to work towards improving it.

Computers? When I first started I was limited to loading programs off of floppies and even then I needed to know what program to run off them (I'd never heard of the 'dir' command). Now, *cough* over 16 or 17 years later I'm the most computer literate person I know in the real world who isn't *paid* to know more then I do.

Online and in Life, I've met more then a few superiors whom I respect... but no equals. One thing that saddens me some what about this neck of t'woods, mostly fools and even worse in my age group... lol.

School? I did very poor at first, I also hated it and I still do actually... I remember when I was in kindergarten when I first learned how to write a '5', practically had me torn apart in the process... Kind of what happens when your home schooled and teachers your mother <_<. In retrospect, the majority of my grades over the years have always been As, maybe an average of low to mid 90s. Before high school (read no one over my shoulder) it was a case of do it perfect or you ain't leaving the table.

Reading? I failed like the 2nd or 3rd grade because I couldn't read; which ever one it was required to know how by then. My family put me through that hooked on phonics crap -- did me for me nothing but piss me off royally. I wanted to read a boot myself that one of my good friends had introduced me to, so I put more effort in. The lady that was doing my evaluations was shocked "He's reading!" and I passed.

Going into like the 7th grade or some thing when I was tested, my reading skills were all noted as N months into collage. I inhale books, as long as interest and time holds I read like 50-150 pages a day when I dig into a book. I *love* to read, they couldn't get me to read as a kid until I wanted to. Then they couldn't stop me from reading haha, my mother threated to steal the book lights >_>

Pool, miserable at first but back in the ol'days I used to be a threat :-) Same thing in checkers, although I must admit even today I probably enjoy Chess more then I have skill at it 0.o

The list could go on and on, most stuff I've ever gotten into I wasn't excellent at until I got into it further. To be honest, I don't think there are many things we are just naturally good at, most people I've seen are not any way and those few people that are naturally good at the stuff they do are lucky.

Hmm, you know maybe there is some thing I was good at without being horrible first... but that's not for public announcement haha.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

It's some what odd really, one way or the I hear a lot of things. People tell me, some times I'm just included, etc. I'll never quite get it lool but that's the way things are. Any way you slice it, I'm a pair of ears with a strong lock'n'key on what they hear.

Marriages don't always work out, but I can't honestly fathom some things. I think, if you ever truly love a person that you never stop loving them.

If I didn't believe that, maybe my own life wouldn't be so miserable at times. But if I did believe such was possible, well it would certainly be an empty life to live.

Things can get fraged, aye -- some times beyond repair, and some times to a point that they must be done with. Perhaps I am strange but I place more value on the concept then most of my peers.

If the heart had eyes, we would all be single, and we'd have plenty of enemies but no friends.

Hmm, not so sure if that is all bad or not some times... But for most people probably not a good one lol. Oh well, it is a strange world.

Between ma's TV, my playlist, and the birds screeching I think I'm getting a headache lol.

Sitting about, gnoshing on some chips with the dog, and waiting on some [SAS] Business, other wise I'd be flat out of here and to my laptop <_<

Oh well, time to play it good and loud (y)

Friday, March 21, 2008

Settling in for the night

The oh so lack of any thing more willing to do... lol.

I guess I'll settle into work on the book, I have the source open in vim and the original draft in abiword.

At first it started as an MS Word document which essentially served to draft much of the text. Later on I eventually decided to do a bit of 'porting' to a more normal style of writing. ]for me]. At the time I started it, I chose to write it in a narrative like manor because I've never been accustomed to reading or writing in that style and really wanted to try it. Perhaps it was a good idea at the time; while my inspirations were all the more closer to heart.

Eventually I decided to opt for the style of writing I'm used to, essentially negating much of the draft to scratch paper. When I decided to give up on word processors I also gave up on finishing the book... After I got around to using Vim + TeX/LaTeX for my typesetting needs instead of XHTM+CSS (i.e. what webpages are made of) I eventually restarted work on it, including the change in style.

The ToC atm

1 Prologue                                                                     5
2 The Beginning                                                                7
3 No Way Out                                                                  11
4 The Last Patrol                                                             13
5 The Nightmare                                                               17
6 The Hanger                                                                  19
7 Simulator                                                                   21
8 The Drop                                                                    23
9 Into the Breach                                                             25
10 Capture & Evasion                                                          27
11 Reunited Again                                                             29
12 The Records                                                                31
13 Into the Wolfs Den                                                         33
14 Epilogue                                                                   35
A Character Biographies                                                       37
   A.1 Heros & Heroines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
   A.2 The Villainous Bunch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
A BattleMech Specifications                                                   39
   A.1 Inner Sphere 'Mechs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39
   A.2 Clan OmniMechs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

Is essentially a transplant of each section named in the original draft, While the draft covers approximately 75-80% of the content, I've yet to finish transitioning it all here, I can reorganize it later.

Don't know if the structure will stay, I mentally break things up a bit differently... based on the different segments of the story rather then a scene by scene basis.

Oh shit, not this lot again
Hitting the fan
Runs, Guns, and Healing
End Game

but that is not exactly conventional means hehe... At least, that is how I see things, which is a logical progression of supportive and flowing events.

As James Midnight is drawn forcefully back into the ol'outfit. To the mission going to heck in a hand basket, leading to him and Isabella Valkyrie litterly running for their lives, gathering arms, searching for safety.. Leading to a much overdue time for reconciliation. Only to be rocked by the shocking truth of their mission. And a lovers sacrifice leading to the final battle to the death thar will decide their fate: the Atlas Vs the Direwolf.

I don't consider myself much of a writer, but when my imagination runs away with me I know a good story or two hehe.

I always thought of it as being to short in length, although the conversion from MS Word to a properly typesetable file format shows me it is going to be longer then I had originally imagined. Which really is interesting because the draft was rather lacking in my natural verbosity lol.

Oh well, tis start time.

Bored as watching molasses roll down a hill on a cold day

Yet to tired to actually do much of any thing [useful] :\

Not very interested in tinkering with the files in ~/Documents/Personal/ at the moment.. I write what I feel, and organize the thoughts later: not some thing I am in the mood for tonight.

In the same directory is a folder with the files for a book I have been working on, on/off since like 2004'ish. Not really in the mood to /concentrate/ on it but at least it would be some thing to do, especially if I opted for working on a part that comes a bit more natural...

Then again, that includes the things I'm trying to distance myself from..

~/Documents/Computers/Vi-User-HOWTO is still not finished yet although there is only a few more paragraphs to do. I just don't have the strength for it tonight.

I really need to get back to work on both NPM and my home work, the code is almost ready for a beta release, both just needs me with energy and free time combined.

One thing I have noticed, I find kghostview much better then kpdf, combines the performance of ghostscripts viewer and the ease of use the kde programs have. I can't help but wonder what the new viewer in KDE4 will be like performance wise.


S'just one of those days, where you just keep breathing in and out and nothing more.

I think I know a few who would probably get drunk, and _stay_ drunk at the rate things are going. Some times I wish I could join them 0.o

The files in my home directory continue to grow..

I think I'd rather like to fill my canteen (assuming I could still find it), nab the camera just in case, and take a nice hike through the woods and enjoy the scenery for awhile... Although with my luck even if I could get out of this rats nest. I'd probably get in worse trouble that way :\, wouldn't be suprised if I got shot at 8=).

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-- "He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven", William Butler Yeats

The last parts of which was quoted by Grammaton Cleric First Class Errol Partridge (Sean Bean) in one of my favorite action flicks, Equillibrium.

Video clip

Hmm, that music sounds familiar.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

days thoughts

So far the updates to my old Vi User how-to are going quite nicely, all things considered.

I've come to using GNU Make for automation work, to be honest if I had to use make features that are not standardized. GNU Make is the best bet to learn extensions any way because it is the most available set of extensions.

I'm not partial to BSD or GNU Make in the least, I only care about a working tool.

BSD Make failed to accept the makefile I setup for TeX documents, GNU Make accepted it without problem while BSD Make seems to barf at it. As long as the document gets build without me having to abuse my shells history features I don't care lol.

The main problem is all of my projects are on a snails creep right now, courtesy of my family.

You know, I think I would love to take a pot & ladle from the kitchen. Then go pace back and forth in front of them banging the ladle on the pot; shouting "How do you like it" until I'm blue in the face -- let them experience rest on their days off like *my* days off are spent doing things!

Oh what fun it could be to just be a cruel bastard for a change...

And how peaceful life could be if any one could head my words instead of [as good as] spiting at them.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Some what of a strange dream...

Some where in the middle east, with a friends unit, dressed in civilian cloths, with the patrol, and carrying an SA-80 to boot.

The squad was coming out the back of a building and loading people into the Humvees. I saw a runner with a rifle and started shouting some thing like "Tango 4 o'clock" at my friend but he didn't hear it... he kept moving. The enemy raised his AKM to fire at him so I shouldered the SA80 and put a double tap into him.

While killing is arguably the only serious problem I have with the idea of military service... Your squad or the prick out to kill all of you? That is kind of a forced decision if I've ever heard of it, especially if you're armed.

Tango on the deck, friends alive... much preferable don't you think?

What a strange dream for an American!

Especially when you consider I'm more partial to the H&K G36K Rifles then the American M16A4 and British SA80A2s hehe.

Musings about the new GCC

GCC 4.3.0 exposes a kernel bug

Interesting discussion,

I know FreeBSD 7 is moving to GCC4 for the system compiler, iirc 7.0-Release comes with 4.2.x. I have GCC 4.3 installed on this laptop but my primary reason for it is that I wanted to try GCJ, the GNU Compiler for Java :-).

I can't say the same about Linux distros but I'd expect FreeBSD to always make sure the systems compiler won't have problems with a build world/kernel cycle.

I've only used GCCs 3.x.x C and C++ compilers but I'm not partial, all I expect from a compiler is sufficient standards compliance to the current standards. GCC 3.4.6 might not be perfect but hey, it beats Microsoft's C Compiler hands down last I tried it :-).

I used to collect some types of software, text editors, terminal emulators, shells, window managers, and sometimes even office suites but I never took to collecting C Compilers. Largely because I don't want to sit and wait to compile one more often then needed haha.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Snake Eater

Been playing through Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater of late, could probably have it beaten by breakfast time but I'm not interested in losing sleep over it (more then any thing else).

I left off just after Snake loses his eye and gets chucked in the cell.

I know perfectly well the hardest part of the game is the end lol. Snake gets the living crap beaten out of him when he's captured and loses his eye trying to protect Eva. But that still leaves escaping the cell, destroying the Shagohod and Volgin. Including the run for ya life of them all.

Eva steering the motorbike while Snake deals with the army on their tails. While the character of Eva is arguably a great combination of beauty and ability, being almost skewered to death and bleeding out wouldn't leave any one fit for combat.

Getting through the jungle with her in tow and the "Goon squad" is probably the single hardest part of MGS3, I remember the first time I played through it. I some what regretted that I never had time to pick up the M60, I found the light machine gun one night playing but was never able to get it later (forgot to save!). At least for Round #2 through the game there is The Bosses Patriot :-)

Basically a weapon that makes the Colt Commando look a bit bigger while still clearly being an XM177 (prototype m4) family member. The C-Beta mag also has unlimited ammunitions so it's as good as an M60 loool. Which will be good because the running firefight is one time when it will come in handy.

I've played the Metal Gear Solid games a long time, in fact MGS4 is one of very few reasons I'd ever care to get a PS3. I didn't get into MGS to much until the VR Training missions game was released. I think my completion was like 295-297 missions or some thing like that. I got to be lethally proficient, training harder to fight easier :-). Metal Gear Solid 2 was great fun and I loved the additions. Although I think the plot could have used a little more work (seeing the twists coming).

The only problem with MGS3 is your stuck in the middle of a jungle and I'm used to sneaking in an urban environment. Spent most of the 'classic sneaking through enemies, most of MGS2 mugging guards for dog tags and throwing them overboard xD. But MGS3, ambushing and knifing as necessary. The loss of the high tech sneaking suit and nano technology from MGS/MGS2 is not really a problem, it only made life easier sneaking through guards. And in MGS3 you get the next best thing, all the other high tech gizmos. Motion sensor, AP Sensor set to vibrate, not as good but handy from time to time. Considering MGS3 takes place in the 1960s it would probably have been as space age as the gear from the first Metal Gear Solid, but it still is just dead weight. From binoculars and a MK23 SOCOM to Thermal Goggles and a Knife ;-)

The Jungles just not my bag for sneak past without dropping any but it's a good game. It's also great to see the legendary "Big Boss" in his youth. It's quite a sad story though, I remember after finally completing it the first trip through.

It was nice to know that Snake and Eva got some time alone, without hundreds of soviet infantry on patrol. Especially considering how much the characters were put through, including Big Bosses eye... Kind of sad really but I think it makes it easier to snipe lol. And it ends with the cold hard facts, Evas betrayal, The Bosses real mission, and that the real aim of the ordeal was nothing more then to secure the Philosophers Legacy.

The story of "The Boss" is a sobering one, yet she was loyal to her country to the end. Is it really any wonder that after being granted the title of "Big Boss" for his success during Operation Snake eater that he eventually turns?

It's been a long time but if I recall correctly, when Big Boss betrayed the Solid Snake we've all enjoyed destroying Metal Gears as. He was trying to create a warrior state with sufficient fire power to insure there independence or the destruction of any threats.

I look forward to MGS4 and the rest to come, and I wonder if Solid Snake will share Big Bosses final fate.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Writer's Block: In this perfect world

What is your idea of a perfect world? Why do you feel this way?
Live Journals Writer's Block

Hmm, to ignore for a moment the usual ignore all political things policy I have for content here...

My idea of a more perfect world would be one with less fighting and more cooperation.

A single unified government and military across the world...

It's always been my believe that political parties and "playing politics" is a waste of time. Whats right and what needs to be done is what should be done, if you go with what your party says and it is against what you feel is either, why bother?

People in power should use that power to make things better, not squabble over it. That is one thing I do like about FDR, during the great depression President Roosevelt went to work. He didn't sit on his ass, he tried to solve problems and get people working on the right track.

As opposed to say, spending 8 years arguing back and forth between the Jackasses and the Elephants and getting nothing done. That's what the world needs, people that will fight to make it a better place instead of bitch over the color of the bike shed!

If the world would work together, we could do so much more... The hungry? If every one did some thing they would be fed, The sick? If every one did some thing they could be cared for... But no, most of us do nothing... I remember comparasons in church of the people to the body of Christ. If the entire world could work towards a goal, it's best minds, every nations resources, so much could be done.

I think if we had a single government, as opposed to one (or more) in every country it would be easier for us to focus.

Who cares if he is a different religion? Be it a Christian, Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim. American, Russian, Japanese, African, white, black, polka dotted, apple or orange, man or woman it matters not so great, we are still one people! A human is a human, by any nationality, by any creed, by any sex. Work needs to be done, not on the national level but on the universal level.

But I think, knowing people.. That odds are such an idea of a unified mankind is only a possibility in the world of Science Fiction. I remember I once had an idea for a set of short stories, where we had begun to explorer space until one day a Chinese ship was destroyed by an alien craft.

The nations of the world forced to unite under one flag to stand against the invaders or die. The idea that I had, was that for each country two leaders would be elected. Each the head of their own (country sized) district. Like a Khan and SaKhan of the clans of BattleTech. One would stay and minister over the affairs of state while the senior of the two would represent the district in joint-council. Where every part of the alliance would have a chance to make there voices heard.

The biggest super powers, leading the road and the power of each vote being factored by the population count. Thus, countries such as The USA, Russia, and China (the 3 main earth factions in the stories) would hold enough sway to be interested in being involed. Yet calculated in such a way that they could still be opposed. Such a system ain't perfect but when faced with annihilation it sure sounds nice eh?

Some of the designs I drew up for ships of war, were based on the concept that it was a hodge podge fleet. Made up of what ever forces each space-capable country could put together for earths defense, and the increasing attempts to build around a standardized group of tools. Each Marine with the same 6.4mm bull pup style assault rifle. Each ship with the same set of sabre and tri-star fighter craft and the like.

In fact, one of the short stories was to be a rescue mission to save the engineers behind the most successful technologies, the Sabre class fighter and the new 'ship of the line' that would create an Assault Frigate to be feared by the enemies capitol ships.

I honestly think, until such a threat or some other reason big enough to force us to do so. That the world will never stand united, unless they must stand as brothers and sisters in arms or become a field of corpses.

In World War II, the people in the US worked together. The soldiers went off to fight, those who stayed worked to give them the tools to win the war, almost every one helping. Today, I wonder if we could even muster half the effort of a few generations ago unless we too had such cause to take unified action. Let along a snow balls chance of the entire world cooperating for any thing but the most serious of goals.

A perfect world for ****me**** however, now that is an easy thought to think about. The things I want in life, nothing more.

Although, considering my families part in that... I think getting people into an human-wide organization for the betterment of the world would be easier lol.

It's crowded in worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances
Are better out on the road

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the Body of Christ

Chorus (2x)
If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way

Jesus is the way

-- If We Are The Body, Casting Crowns

I think that song shows some what the problems of this world. And if you've ever seen a dedicated body at work you know what they can do.... Now if only it was on such a grand scale.

Day 1, the new doctrine

Well I've gotten almost absolutely nothing done but it's been a generally peaceful day, rather then a hectic one. I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow either :-(, Mondays is afternoon to evening.

Still pushing "personal best" records for operating on a minimal of sleep. I don't really have much problem, never really have been comfortable any way. What I miss at night I make up for the next day if necessary 0.o

Managed to get all of my pictures transfered to the file server by way of my desktops card reader. Only to end up having to take a few more later lol. Our cameras documentation does a bad job of assuming that your only ever going to use it with there Windows software but once the camera is set up to use USB/Mass Storage rather then USB/PTP it's easy to use it :-)

Just hooked it up to my laptops USB port and powered it on, simple FAT16 mount operation. The only problem though is only root can mount my da devices :\ so I'll have to fix that later in devfs.* files.

My laptop has a card reader but sadly it doesn't work with FreeBSD :-(. I still need to transfer the kernel over from my test machine to the test FreeBSD 7.0-Release install here so I can test one of the drivers... If that doesn't work I need to look at trying to write a driver or give up on my dream of using my spare SD Card for file transfer :@

Coco and Willow

I still need to learn about touching up photo's in GIMP, don't think the dogs like being photographed lol. Then again I don't really like being *in* pictures either, haha that reminds me of a picture of my Dad. He was working on the van, sticking his tongue out in disgust at Ma coming by with the camera <_<.

Spent some time in TG#3 kicking in with Flashbangs after lunch. Been at least a week since I've had a serious round but the rust don't build that fast when you've had as many ours in the virtual shoot house as I have... Noah ran a Live Op this afternoon on TG#1; Most people were a bit disoriented that Wiz had team radar and team names disabled, we don't usually train that way although we go in without team radar on Live Ops fairly often. I was like, ok he's standing near our AoR, he's holding a G36K, and he's got a stock armpatch, and he more like Noer then JB so I knew who to follow.
Without the team names on it's hard to tell who is who but between equipment, armmpatach, body language, and mission plan it is not impossible to do so in a tight element.

It was a good operation even if it went to pot fast.

The plan was that Wiz, Noer (EL+TL), and Me would move up to the first van and cover. While Bravo team (Ambu, JB (EL), and Noah) moved around the side alley to the store room. The tangos heard Bravo moving across the front door (our Point of Entry) and they blew the door out with a frag on us.

Noer ordered Bravo team to move in with Flashbangs and clear to store front while Alpha was to take over there AoR out back. So Wiz started off running and we dogged it to the west side of the map gunning down threats as they came. Not sure how many casualties were on Bravo but in Alpha we only had maybe one man injured (Noers Arm :\).

We did a quick bang entry into the store room, passing along the left office wall. Our person of interest (1 of the hostages) came running out fleeing. I ducked my head into the room to see if there was any threat, because I might have to cover 90 degres to it's left. Looked clear, was about to report that there was a second room inside over comms when a tango waltzed out. Put a burst of shots his way and as usual for RvS, none did squat, he ran through the bullets into the back room. And gunned down a second hostage and I could see the gun of another tango in there flagging around the corner :-(

Live Op Failure.

It was nice to get to see *some* of the inside of the mission. I knew the map because I used it for Live Op "IRA Sting" like last year. But I spent that Live Operation out side with a Snipers Rifle rather then in a cushy TOC when the first entry team was gunned down by the get away driver 0.o

We might have failed the LO but it was well executed IMHO. Noer planned out the assault and coordinated the teams before we moved out and all we had for floor plans. Was a sketch (not very detailed) that Noah did of the area on a piece of notebook paper.

When that front door went up in smoke we had to do some thing, he sent in the closest team and swapped the AoRs to compensate. Taking us from a stealth infiltration to a dynamic blow and go. I think he did a fine job, it's just that one of the hostages didn't make it out :\

Saturday, March 15, 2008

shell sock

One of those moments where you see things a little bit differently. As if the
clouds are gone, as if you took a step off that cliff and now you see the stars
rushing before your eyes (before you go SPLAT).

Often I've had a (bad) day when I've felt that if I was any one else I know, I
would probably be stark raving drunk. S'course that is not how I operate so I
don't spend my time that way.

But what am I? But doing the same thing as any drunkerd, different sword, same
purpose. To escape from the pain, to be free of that tiney little hell.. even if
for mere moments.

The drunk looks for his relief in the bottom of a bottle. Is it any different
then what I do? With this constant busyness, what purpose can it seve but furfil
that same cycle.

I'm not busy as I am, because I must be but because I wish to be. So why do I
wish to be? Yet what is there for me if I am not. I must learn to forget the
past, let it be the past as I look forward to the future.

Yet I cannot walk in the same way, the same patterns. Who do I kill but myself?
I'm not the one with problems, I'm the one people come to with problems.. That
is strange but it's been fairly constant during my life.

And I have no problem with it, what else could I do but offer my ear?

Yet I walk alone, where so few may enter that chamber. Not of my own free will,
but of my surroundings I say to myself.. Yet it is a lie, yes if only to myself
that I may lie.

I've sought out the busyness of my life, until such a point I am nearer to
collapse. Because I can't bear to see the same thoughts pass through my mind,
how else can I give myelf peace?

But what am I doing but wasting my life.

I once said, if not more then once said. That I could forgive almost any thing,
perhaps it is true. I don't really hold any thing against any one, don't
honestly know if I could. Save against myself, easely to forgive anohter but not
so easy my own deeds.

I say, the blame lay with her not with me

but does it not with us all? As I look back upon a time of my life. One where
pain and love were well intermixed. I see there that demon, that very demon.

What else can I do? But face myself, without a shield, weapononless.

There is no one else to hide from, there is no need to hide.

Why then do I kill myself in this endless toil? To drown in it as another man
would drown in Vodka.

To no more length can I hold onto the past, let it rest and be forgotton. I can
not walk alone into the future, be it through a valley of shadows or into sun

Face that terror, do not be bound by it but destroy it. See it for what it is,
and never surrender to it.

I feel in a way, as if I've been walking along on that road, ever so long. That
I did not see this steep drop in front of me, and now I tumble, down, down
through that abyss. And only GOD know'th what be on the other side.

To a new future do we embark, in search of that underscovered country, be it
ever so sweet, or ever so empty. Over the hill, through the valley, and out into
the light.

Where only the free may walk, free of there own terrors.

-- the musings of my mind.

Perhaps I now know why that specter of my dreams, haunts me so.

I hate word processing

Hmm, a small dilemma unfolds itself.

To view files in .doc, .odt, .rtf, et. al. formats I need a word processor that supports them.

To create one, I would generally use Google Docs -- normally I use TeX /w LaTeX or XHTML+CSS instead though and skip WYSIWYG word processor crap :-)

And I'm not about to upload every flib'n file I have to look at to Google Docs either... Nore do I want to bother with programs like anti-word.

But which do I install?

Microsoft Word is arguably the word processor by which all others are judged, much like GNU Emacs is when looking at emacsen.

But when you combine that it is closed source, only supports WinNT, and costs an arm & a leg it is just not worth the extra features unless you need them enough to run Windows for them lol.

Abiword is apart of Gnome Office and light & fast while keeping to a MS Word (pre 2k7) style. The only problems I've had with it is it forced me into using MS Word .doc files as the lowest common denominator between word processors! The choice was either .rtf or .doc because Word wouldn't take any of the other files each of the others could handle.

The only problem is that Abiword couldn't (and still couldn't last I looked at it's dev version) lay out our pages right like the other programs did. So we had to use .doc which worked fine in Abiword :-( has a good enough word processor, swriter -- not as feature full as MS Word but heavier then Abiword. It's a great program and I've used it often in the past for School but for my laptops 512MB of RAM it is a little *to heavy* for my tastes. To be honest, I don't want to wait forever for a word processor to startup -- because it reminds me if some idiot didn't send me {.rtf,.doc,.odt,.abw,} files I would be using a pager to read the text instead.

KWord is actually quite nice even if it is probably not the best word processor out there. I like very much that despite the similarity in name that KWord tries to be it's *own* program rather then another imitator.

The problem is like swriter, kword comes with an entire office suite :\. I don't need a Office Gfx app, I use GIMP and a few others when needed. Don't need a presentation system -- I wouldn't touch one without a pay check! Don't need a database client because I'd probably use some thing like mysql's client. And I rarely use either word processors or spreadsheets beyond viewing files.

Hmm... well there's 17gb of disk space to spare just for installing software so no harm in having both KOffice and most of Gnome Office I suppose.

Now if only they could lift even a finger nail to TeX !

Writer's Block: Meaningful Words

What is your favorite quote? And why?
Live Journals Writer's Block

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother

This is one of my favorite quotes, I remember when Rand used to do training on [SAS] TG#1. He always tried to get it across to everyone that you always take care of your element. You wouldn't want to finish the mission a couple of friends less if it was a real-op would you?

Be it virtual or real world, it is a concept worth taking heed of.

I remember some thing I read once about lend lease.

Franklin D. Roosevelt, eager to ensure public consent for this controversial plan, explained to the public and the press that his plan was comparable to one neighbor's lending another a garden hose to put out a fire in his home. "What do I do in such a crisis?" the president asked at a press conference. "I don't say... 'Neighbor, my garden hose cost me $15; you have to pay me $15 for it' …I don't want $15 — I want my garden hose back after the fire is over."

If your house is burning to the ground in front of them, you'll either see your friends and neighborers helping or sitting around waiting on the fire department while you fry like bacon.

A bit more context to the original qoute:

Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

King Henry V, Act IV, Scene III, William Shakespeare

I do have a bit of a soft spot for Shakespeare's plays, I usually find them utterly boring or very enjoyable :-). I remember I was once working on a poem and a good friend of mine pointed me towards Romeo and Juliet for inspiration. It didn't help worth a darn but it was a fine play !

Any thing remotely classifiable as poetry from me, usually comes from very strong feelings... For better or worse as the case may be. I find it helps from time to time to use words in such a manor as what most people would probably consider as having a poetic or psalm like flair to them.. Some times committing it to file rather then leaving it in my mind is a great way to order my thoughts.

This particular bit of work I'm thinking of was like the blood flowing from the stone so to speak but love can do crazy things to a mans heart. I keep a copy of it stored in my home directories ~/Documents/Personal folder but it is still a one-issue'er, for none other to receive. Some day perhaps I'll post it but not this morning, fuuy... been installing programs so long it's after 5am :\

Hmm... this brings back tender memories, I think if I had a word processor installed on PC-BSD yet I'd read it before I go to sleep.

Friday, March 14, 2008

A moment for truth

I've got the PC-BSD 1.4.x->1.5 patch pbi downloading, from the best (for me) US Mirror available at a snails pace (20-30kb/sec), so that means it is either time to power cycle ye'ol modem+router or things must be pretty busy. A nice power-cycle and spit upon the hardware and we're back up to a more acceptable 75-150+ kb/sec according to kget but it still blows. I've noticed whenever it rains the internet connection gets even less stable here :\

I'm not sure what state the update will leave my laptop in but I know that the *IMPORTANT* stuff is backed up. I trust FreeBSD and OpenBSDs update procedures waaayyy more then PC-BSDs... Today I give them one on trust.

Normally my test machine is patched first and examined for errors, this time I will skip that phase and we will see the results. I have stuff backed up to $VECTRA:/srv/smb/Backups/ which I use as a sort of cache, stuff goes here and gets gradually removed but it stays on one of SAL1600s cold storage partitions much longer.

Dixie-backup-2008-02-28.tar.gz          code-stuff.tar
Lexmark-Z12-lxm3200-tweaked.ppd         docs-stuff.tar
MaxSec4E.tar.bz2                        etc.tar

the *stuff.tar files hold the only things I've changed (and care if are lost) since my last backup, the boot and etc tarballs hold the only critical system files that may be changed since my last backup as well. So honestly the only casualties will be few if the upgrade goes badly -- having to reinstall crap.

If the PC-BSD upgrade goes badly, there is a three disk set of FreeBSD 7.0-Release sitting on my desk and a list of programs I have been keeping which will soon be scp'd to my VECTRA for safe keeping hehe. The only things missing from the list are language bindings, namely that I need Python bindings for Qt3 for work on NPM.

# languages
# manual install needed for JDK/JRE
ruby && rubygem-rtags && rubygem-rake

# libraries

# development tools
cscope && kscope

# games

# graphics software

# browsers

# e-mail and news
thunderbird && thunderbird-i18n

# kontact and related

# chat
pidgin && pidgin-hotkeys
pidgin-guifications || pidgin-libnotify
pidgin-otr && pidgin-encryption

xemacs || emacs

# multimedia
mplayer   # install codecs manually, more reliable
smplayer-qt4 && smplayer-themes
mencoder # not sure if there is a pkg

# documents
gnumeric || koffice

# personal
rxvt-unicode || aterm

Vim is not on the list, because ever since one day I was setting up a FreeBSD install and the port was broken. I learned to install it from the sources on, so I continue to do so even now.

If all goes FUBAR with the 1.5 patch, well FreeBSD 7 here I come. It should only take a few hours to get the necessary software installed, a package add on xorg-7.3 alone should take awhile <_<. And a couple minutes to decide if I want XDM, KDM, or GDM (Xs, KDEs, or Gnomes) login manager while I'm waiting. I can also use the 7.0-Release kernel from my test machine hehe.

I expect as long as the 1.4 -> 1.5 update leaves my laptop in a bootable state that I shouldn't have any problems. There is a limit to how much I'll be willing to stand fixing myself of course. The last time I let it do any major upgrades it was so kind as to delete all files in /usr/local/* so I'm prepared to reinstall my software if necessary but not PC-BSD ;-)

Let's see the outcome.
Today si deffo a time for some rest, it's becoem clear that my family will ensure nothing productive gets done during daylight any way.....

I think I have room clearing on my mind enough to be dreaming about it :\. It was like a game of F.E.A.R. but being Element Leader instead of point man, sadly no one else survived once Alma showed up :\

And then a subway full of replicas... hehe

pass the ammo.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

day.log, I

I'e kept a generally log of the day, I intend to do so tomorrow as well if possible. Perhaps I can find a more optimal way of doing things that way.

vim: set et :

1337 -- awake
        walk dogs
1314 -- interrupted
1324 -- exercise
1327 -- interrupted during 'down time'
1328 -- resumed, moving to crunches
1330 -- interrupted on count 21 :-(
1340 -- shave
1410 -- shower
1434 -- make lunch
1440 -- E-Mail
1445 -- eat lunch !!!
1456 -- quick web surfing
1514 -- home work
 found books in 'use' as a coat rack
 # of interruptions: 4
1827 -- start rest time [read to bored to continue]
1950 -- return to edrudgery 
 # of interruptions: 4
2043 -- dinner
2056 -- family time
2325 -- R&R, net time ;-)
0045 -- more home work, by monitor light.
 # of interruptions: 1
0207 -- the news feeds
0212 -- official down time.
        Lassen mir Das programmieren beginnen // could be written better... lol
0402 -- bed time

The interruptions count is how many times I got interrupted in the middle of stuff. It's good that for much of the afternoon I was the only one awake :-).

I've almost completed the last of the social civics, tomorrow it falls... Well pardoning that whether permitting my mother has good plans that I'll end up back-up man on a grocery shopping trip this weekend :=/.

Oy' I'm going to need a vacation from my vacation! I only have two modes of operation, like a big switch. Lazy Do Nothing -- or -- Work Till I Drop.

The problem is I only get a few days a month if any that I *can* take the time to work till I drop on any thing, without going to bed around 5 or 6 am...

EoR, End of Rest

Almost time to get back to school work :-(

Bored to utter tears but with a little determination I should have an entire subject polished off by the time I've got to report back to work.

It's not very challenging, don't think I've been seriously academically challenged since I learned to read... But the faster this buffalo pucky gets done the faster I can get moving. To be honest, I'm tempted to write a program to do my math homework for me, maybe even try different methods just to piss off the teachers.

At least that way I might learn some thing in the process :-)

My written English skills are derailed by speech'isms and keyboards. My writing tends to be a cross between how I speak and how I think, rather then the formalities (some friends wonder if I've ever heard of a ; lol). And my handwriting is hopeless from the years of keyboarding -- after working on it to profection "under penalty of death" in the early years that pisses me off lol. Of all that I've done the few B's and C's I've seen over the years come from English-related subjects.

Heck, my motivation for learning to read as a child was because I wanted to read a book myself. The only part school played was in motivating people to help me along the way. The routine bit they had first tried to throw at me did nothing but annoy me, didn't teach a darn thing.

The majority of my understandings of mathematics and the related didn't come from school, learned 90% of things I know trying to solve problems that *interested me*. I remember when things like square and cubic measures were first introduced into my schooling years ago.

It bored the shit out of me!

I had already reverse engineered processes if you will -- that is I figured it out by looking at a real problem in front of me. Using my brain cells and expirmentation to try and solve it until I got close enough for my tastes.

Back then I had spent a lot of my free time working on custom 'Mech designs to the great est technical details I could think of: Calculating the amount of fuel that could fit in the storage space; figuring how much volume could be gained from storing it in some oddly shaped location (that was fun), the amount of force generated by the thrusters, thrust to mass ratios, acceleration rates (never was good at that), payloads without failing apart, etc.

That's actually how I learned the Metric System, I was a kid that only was familiar with the US system of measure. Which oddly enough is defined in metric terms these days or so I've read xD. I had to learn to work with metric units because most things 'Mech related are described in metrics. Before that my only encounter with meters/metres had been the Technical Manual to the NCC-1701D =/

The only limit to how far I could go was how much I could figure out between my head, a calculator, and scratch paper. And not a text book to be had ! It's been years so I wonder how much has still stuck without any thing of interest to keep it fresh. I actually look forward to the more complex topics that you don't get in high school, in the hopes it will be interesting for a change.

What good has school done me? Read, Write, Count and that is about it. The rest I've always learned because I have wanted to learn. For ****s sake most of the other subjects in high school, I've learned more by not listing to the text books. Most of my history tests had a --verbose switch added. I remember practically snoring through parts of the biology text book (it really was that bad). However, a little look for information on my own accord and it actually stuck. Psychology was actually fun buta tad useless at the HS level.

IMHO 75-85% of the stuff they make us do is busy work because between K and "Good bye and good riddens" people could learn a lot more in schools. tbh, I think I would rather have skipped it all and just went to the library every day instead -- much more productive. For what remains, well...

Most of my back-log comes from letting it rot (as it deserves) and being to busy with work to do any of it. If I had just sat down and done it as it came, rather then working to pay for it... And devoting the rest of my time to learning things of interest I wouldn't be in this situation now.

Thats why I want out and I'm taking it to bat -- even if I'm bored stiff, it will give way before I do. 2008 is the year it falls and I get the heck out of it.

Because I do not surrender.
When surrounded and no way out but surrender, facing being 'roasted alive' at the hands of a tyrant.

I have no pride left in me. What I do, now I do for my people and for Camelot. And may they forgive me. This is my last act as your king. Do not be afraid. All things change. I am Arthur of Camelot, and I command you now... all... To fight! Fight like you've never fought before! Never surrender! Never Surrender! Fight as you never...

/* crossbow bolts strike him across the chest */

Camelot lives!

-- First Knight, 1995.

As Arthur lay dying, the people and his knights resist Malagants men. Even the unarmed civilians engage the enemy as a fighting mass and repel the enemy from Camelot by sheer force of attrition.

Given the choice, to yield to tyranny or fight for ones freedom who could resist? As some of my country men once said when our nation faced the same decision: Give me Liberty, or give me Death!

I don't think the idea will ever be allowed to die, while people hold breath.