Life sucks when you expect a loved one to stick a knife in yoru ribs at any sec, got trop'd lightly, not what I expected but expected some thing to hit.

Dunno whats more fsck'd up, to think that she'd kill me, or worry she'll get a stroke screaming.


To night I think I sleep armed, my prefered self defense weapon near by. (Light sabre for sword practice.) It's got allot more punch and range then bare hands if I need to disarm some one in the dark, without getting injured.


I know I'm far from the perfect son, surly I'm rotton enough at times but I'm not a target to for some one to vent rage on for lack of a more appealing outlet to a problem (even if I'm related to the issue). Life is just, fsck, crap. I wish my family didn't have such a knack for anger... sheesh I can't hate some one for more then 10 seconds and if I want to hate longer then that I feel like a disgrace to GOD. These people, can thrive on it.

Anger, fear, hatred, a dark road. I reject it and all it stands for. Only one person has a right to take my life, and that is Jesus Christ and no one is beeting him to the punch imho. This war, is not one I asked for but it's one I must stand warry to parry.

Note to self, prep a emg escape and evasion route, back woods might be good. I'd be blind as a bat but it's thick enough to stop pursoot. Don't think I'll ever need it but it's always good to plan for worst.

TMPS01, 2006-09-12 @ 2434 UTC.