I find it positively unhinging, I can't stand being idle. My minds bounding like a rubber ball, only there's so much to bounce between. Not counting this weekends extra work, it's still a factor of ~14 weeks until I've the hours needed to apply for the license exam: 12 weeks if I'm lucky. 12/4 suggests that's roughly 3 months.. I'm going out of my skull. The only practical way to move forward, is dependent upon WORK, ya know, that little four lettered word that describes what most people do all day? Work that pays. Resorting to *foot travel*, has seen my stress levels being pushed up an order of magnitude. It's like take the most adaunt pain in the pass you've ever had to listen to, them multiple it by the number of hours of sharing the same roof... family, what is it good for? At least *normal* people, you can refile under /dev/null. There's only one simple fact: no license == contingency plans. The only solution past that, is DEFCON 0. I've spent at least two and a half years on the research issues alone, let along how much thought I've put into things, on how to move forward without being made worse of a slave here. I can't sit here much longer.

I've busted my back for years, and I have to be held back thus? Is it to much to expect someone, to get off their fucking ass every now and again? If I was in water, I would be drowning; while family smokes a cigarette and drinks a coke in delight. FML. I'm not a mercenary, I don't expect very much out of anyone, but for once in my life, it would be nice to have a little cotton picking help‽ I hardly ask for anything... not even a fucking sliver of food. What do I get? I'm going out of my freaking mind. I think I'm starting to remember what the word love looks like. Both in the sense that's how far you have to be willing to go, to actually love someone, and in the sense, that you can rest assured... your flesh and blood will eventually place you there.


How much time, can you spend trying to solve a problem, while being kept form even lifting a fucking finger towards it... and still hang on to your sanity?