A collection

I love dumb blonde and dumb guy jokes among other things ^_^

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
"It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
An Italian suppository.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
They can't remember the number.
OR: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A brunette with bad breath
What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Reservations.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
Air bubbles.
What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW?
Divorcee'
What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?
What do you call a zit on a blonde's bum?
A brain tumor.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted!
How do blonde brain cells die?
Alone.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just dyed her hair.
OR: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

Blondes on top
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's going' on up here? We're having' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

You Know You've Been Drinking Way Too Much Coffee When.....
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your so jittery that people use your hands to shake paint cans.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
When you call radio talk shows, they ask you to turn yourself down.
Your life goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You're up to four heart attacks a day.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd's of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You think Columbia would be a great vacation destination!
You're passing everybody on the freeway when you suddenly realize: you left your car at home!

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, and a half hour later they were both killed by a train.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender: "What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"


You Might Be A Computer Nerd If ...
your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
you want an 48X CDROM for Christmas
Dilbert is your hero
you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place


Pick up line comebacks !
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: What? And spoil my great sex life?
Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman:Why aren't you thin?
Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.


Blonde Boating
A blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field. "Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?" The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, "Because it is an ocean of wheat." The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. "It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name." The blonde in the field just shrugged her shoulders and began rowing again. The blonde on the side of the road was beside herself and shook her fist at the blonde in the field then yelled, "If I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass."
Locked Her Keys In The Car A blond walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door." "Why, sure," said the manager, "we have something that works especially for that." A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car


You Might Be In A Redneck Volunteer Fire Department If....

your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
your firehouse has wheels.
you've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
you've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
at least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
you don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
you've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
the local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
you've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
the only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.

School One-Liners
We used to call it "recess." Today they call it "cease fire."
The Bible Studies course has been recently changed to "Theories in Mass Hypnosis 101." Surprisingly no one seems to have noticed.
College would be great if it weren't for all the classes.
Im failing geometry because I refuse to believe that pie are squared.
Someone died of a brain aneurism today while taking a standardized test. The last thing anyone saw him do was stand up, pull all his hair out and yell, ABACADABA!! ABACADABA!!!!
I think Ill skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I dont want to know about.
The school board decided to remove speech and debate from the course schedule; there was no argument.
Our school is very low-budgeted; our physics book is so out of date the last chapter deals with combustion.
School is just an elaborate plot by vampires to obtain the blood of teenagers through periodic blood-drives.
Today in Art class we were going to paint a nude model, but the teacher sent her to the office for violating dress code.
Fifth graders in Texas are using worms to recycle garbage from school lunches. But even the worms won't eat the Salisbury steak.
Today in English we learned absolutely nothing about killing mockingbirds.
I went to a tough high school. In biology we used to dissect custodians.
To be a first-grade teacher you have to have skill, dedication, and an immunity to knock-knock jokes.
School is where you always try to do your best-except when your friends are watching.
Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldnt need it.
Back-to-school sales get me all excited. Of course, pretty much any sale gets me all excited.
School is very important. Everyone should get at least a high school education--even if they already know everything.
You know our education system has problems when Hallmark comes out with a new line of "Easy-to-read" graduation cards.
My kids have everything they need to go back to schoolexcept the right attitude.
The best part of going back to school is seeing all your friends. The worst part is that your teachers wont let you talk to them.

Top 10 Ways to Tell that You're a New Dad
10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.
9) The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal.
Cool You are used to doing everything one-handed.
7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.
6) The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.
5) Your idea of romance is handholding.
4) You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."
3) You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main color.
2) You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think, "Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in...babysitting?"
And the #1 way to tell that you're a new dad:
1) It takes you two months to write and send out a simple Top-10-style joke email.

Some Cannibal Shorties
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other:"Does this taste funny to you?"
Two cannibals were sitting beside the fire after a sumptuous meal. One turned to the other and siad:"Your wife sure makes a good roast."
"Yeah, I'm really going to miss her."
What is the title of the best-selling cannibal book?
"How To Serve Your Fellow Man."
What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.
Did you hear about the cannibal student who was suspended from school for buttering up his teacher?
Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant where dinner costs an arm and a leg?
Two cannibals were eating dinner. One said:"I really hate my sister."
The other said:"Well, just eat the noodles."
What do cannibals do at a wedding?
They toast the bride and groom.

What If People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but imagine if they did . . . HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

// Trust me, just don't ask
The Frog
A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week."The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *Anything* you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is it?I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer.I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."



Bumper Stickers
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Eschew obfuscation. Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.
Editing is a rewording activity.
Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen
Allow me to introduce my selves
Better living through denial
I'm just working here until a good fast food job opens up....
Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done
Too many freaks not enough circuses
Ambivalent? Well yes and no....
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ?
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
I'm just driving this way to get you mad.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Hang up and drive.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?


Top 10 Sayings of Biblical Mothers

10. Samson! Get your hand out of that lion. You don't know where it's been! (Judges 14:5-Cool.
9. David! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons!
8. Abraham! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! 7. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego! I told you never to play with fire!
6. Cain! Get off your brother! You're going to kill him some day!
5. Noah! No, you can't keep them! I told you, don't bring home any more strays!
4. Gideon! Have you been hiding in that wine press again? Look at your clothes! (Judges 6:11)
3. James and John! No more burping contests at the dinner table, please. People are going to call you the sons of thunder! (Mark 3:17)
2. Judas! Have you been in my purse again?!

And the number one Biblical saying of mothers is:

1. Jesus! Stop working on that old wood and come in and eat! You'd spend your life on that wood, if your father asked you to!

and last but not least

// Good thing I'm not a Dad lol
10 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Dating Vs Marriage
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"
When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.
When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.
When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.
When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.
When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."
When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.
When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.
When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."

A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."


How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Hide her hairbrush.

Why do you take a blonde shopping with you?
So you can park in the handicapped spaces.

What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave.

How did the blonde get hurt raking leaves?
She fell out of a Tree

What did the blonde say after her boyfriend blew in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill."

What do you call 10 blondes standing side by side?
A wind tunnel.

What do you call a circle of blondes?
A dope ring

What does a blonde say when she finds out she's pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine."

Why did the blonde have a hard time making Kool-Aid?
She couldn't get all the water in the little packet

Why couldn't the blonde make ice-cubes?
She didn't have the recipe.

What is a blonde's mating call?
"I'm sooooo drunk!"

What is the brunette's mating call?
"Have the blondes left yet?"

What do you have when there are three blondes in a corner?
An air pocket.


What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.

If a blonde and a brunette fell from a building at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
Rebel without a clue

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde get 17 other people together to see a movie?
Because "under 18" was prohibited.

Why do blondes poof their hair so high?
To catch everything that goes over theirs heads.

Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
Her husband died.

What does a blonde say in the morning
"Who ARE you guys?"

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
13. One to make the batter, and twelve to peel the M&M's.

What do you call a dozen blondes in the freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

Why do blondes drive BMW's?
Because they can spell it.

What do a group of blondes have in common?
Nothing they can think of.

Why was the blonde happy when she finished the puzzle in a week?
The box said "3-5 years."

What is the difference of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
People have seen UFO's.

Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out the W's.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to alphabetize the M&M's.


A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?", the doctor asked.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, just no, I just paid $40,000 for these.
Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid $24,000 to get my teeth straightened. Then
I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in
the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Did you hear about the blonde that bought an AM radio?

It took her a month to realize she could play it at
night.

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?

They drowned in Spring Training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?

"Look, they spelled MACY'S wrong."

Why do blondes like lightning?

They think someone is taking their picture.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never
been better! "he boasted. "I've married an 18 year old blonde who's pregnant and having my child! What do
you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. When he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."

The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at..."replied the doctor.

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - *poof* - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." - - - *poof*

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes at a four way stop.

Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours, they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, daddy ... doughnut seeds.

How did the Blonde die ice fishing?
She got run over by the Zamboni.

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How do you get a Blonde on the roof?
Tell her the drinks are on the house.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of
her body with her finger she says,

"Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck
hurts, and even my head hurts!"

The docters asks, "Did you dye your hair?"
Yes,I did," she replies with a frown.

The doctor asks, "Were you a Blonde?"
"Yes I was. Why do you ask?"

The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said "Oh, look at the dead bird."
The Blonde looked skyward and said "Where, where?"
A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to
rail, saying "21" "21" "21".

A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21".

Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle, and she jumps off the
tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place.

The brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail,
counting, "22" "22" "22".

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Blonde With A Gun

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"


Helpless, At Best
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of

their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door

open,

but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to

catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,

"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down.


She Was So Blond
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
she studied for a blood test - and failed.
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
she sold the car for gas money.
when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around he home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put "Sagittarius".
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store


One or Two Pieces?

One day after work, a blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza. When it was finished, the waiter asked the blonde if she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight.

The blond thought a bit and said "Better make it four, I'd never be able to eat eight."

Nailed Again

Two blond builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

The other blond couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"

The second blond explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"

Bell Tower Sniper

One thing I do like about Americas Army Ops is the Sniping. I was doing some nice melon popping tonight. At least 4 or 5 kills with the Sniper Rifle, plus one with my Sidearm and another with a captured AKM while I was in th e Sniper Slot.


If I can see the target, I can hit the target. At least if I've got a secure firing position. It's a little hard to snipe some one, if you've got about 5 guys trying to fire you up.


I don't like the M82A1 all that much for casual work, even if the magazine is useful. I find th e M24 much more accurate not to mention lighter weight.



All went well, until two morons from my team started strafe dancing directly in front of my line of fire. Heck, a guy is laying prone, bleeding to death from battle injuries, sniper rifle in hand, bipod out, scouting for remaining enemy targets. And what do these assholes do? They compromise my position, get us taking fire from a Gunner. And vola ! I get shot full of it while they get away to use their medic packs on each other (they got injured when the Gunner opened fire).


If the game didn't punish people for it, I think I would've taken out my M9 Pistol and shot them both just for being so stupid... One advantage of AAO. Since it's not an SAS Game and I've had an account since 1.4'ish, even had to recreate it once during one of the updates long ago. I still have my old call sign from before I was ever known as Spidey01, nore having to remember I'm 'in uniform' like with RvS or S4.


I hate VERY much to Team Kill but these guys were so bloody stupid... If I had been able to see the target through their combined fat buns. Maybe I would've gotten to live through that round if I didn't shoot them in the balls by mistake lol. But no, I get shot for doing my job... They get to live for playing like noobs.


What a game !!!

Words for the day,

nehme maschinenpistole

Reading Raider

A nice trip to the library...

C in a Nutshell -> Nice book, finished it in about 2-3 hours.

A Book on C -> I'm interested in some of the algorithms.

Learning Perl -> I have mixed feelings about working in Perl, but hey it's a nice book.

PHP and MySQL for Dynamic Websites -> I really can use this... lol

Maximum Security: A Hacker's Guide to Protecting Your Internet Site and Network -> So fat I'll have to be restrictive in what I read of it. But a very interesting find indeed.


I know C, like I know English: I'm not terribly skilled at some of it but I know it well enough to use it. So I don't really need to read most of the C books but theres some common algorithms discussed. That I'm interested in reading their implementations of; not to mention a brush up on Function Pointers, Variable-length arrays, and Unions -> I don't think I've ever actually used a Union :/

Perl, I was learning at some point but gave up on it as boring. I like Perl for it's syntactical style, it's closer to what I'm used to. But I've rarely seen Perl at any great length. Feel beautify to me, it's effective yes. Pretty, not often... but heck if it works use it!


If it's some thing I'm not likely to use again or it's a quickly on the CLI. I'll usually not care if it's understandable or well written. But when I do write a script; I kind of like to make it hard to foul up, easy to understand, and function well.

I swear it is impossible to work in this damn house.


Between My Mother, her blasting TV, the dogs, the bird screaming my fucking head off, and the Music I have on trying to drown them out.


I've got a rat fucking headach.... I wouldn't be surprised if it's damaging my hearing. I can't even hear the damn music any more.... I've got headphones on that have cups on them covering the entire ears... I can't stand much more of this.



One of these days.... I'm getting the fuck out of here. Ether that, or I'm just going to snap and loose self control before I can get my rage under management...


What part of let me work don't these fucking people understand?!??!


I think if I owned a copy of DOOM, I'd boot it up, hook up the speakers, roll the dial up, and see how they freaking like it !!!

Ippimail

www.ippimail.com offers a free webmail service, the catch?


You get a few advertisements in the webmail interface, to be honest I barely notice them unless I'm looking for them. Many peoples sig-blocks on internet forums are more obtrusive. A single line appended to out going E-Mails as well. Just a sig-block consisting of a one or two lines of message I think.

--

 Email and shopping with the feelgood factor!
 55% of income to good causes. http://www.ippimail.com

Compared to some mail I've received with a yahoo html ad a page long at the end of the E-Mail!! This is no problem for me.


The money they get from it, goes to them and a good portion of it to several charities which is a very good thing IMHO. Plus like 10% to supporting Open Source Projects, a very nice thing considering that they use a lot of FOSS.



The Webmail is essentially a Squirrel Mail setup with a number of plug ins and customizations. Including a theme thats much nicer then any of the ones I've seen come with Ippimail, which are not provided ^_^. The usual set of style sheets and features of course.


I've come to enjoy using Squirrel Mail and when I learned about Ippimail it was from reading about Squirrel Mail on Wikipedia, so I knew I'd probably get a good Web mail interface. What I was worried about was the ads and possibility of spam. I remember when I had registered for a free Hotmail account some years back, it was like being placed in the worlds biggest Please_Spam_Me_List loool.


With ippimail I registered for the account and filled out even the extra questionnaire, which is for targeting the ads better and what not. So far I have gotten _0_ spam E-Mails !!! Heck, I get more then that from my ISP's account. The data involved not really a major security risk ether. The Terms of Use and Privacy Policy is compatible with my views, and I can be quite pissy about agreeing to such things too.


I've only had two issues with Ippimail and I've found excellent service if thats what you want to call it. The average response time has been within 24 hours. And very friendly support for issues, unlike a call to an ISP. No need to call 3 freaking times to get some one competent, an issue on ippimail gets some ones attention, that actually can tell the difference between a file and a folder. I've been very satisfied with Ippimail in every thing I've seen and I'm a rather picky bastard :/



Maybe that's the difference between the people at Ippimail and those at an ISP, they ain't doing it just for $$$$.


One thing that I really love about the Squirrel Mail software they chose for the actual webmail interface. Is because it's output is all HTML (with Javascript optional) and the people creating it had a nice brain. You can customize a lot of the User Interface, a very nice feature for people like me (Yes I am a KDE user not a Gnome user :-P).


We have the ability to have mail forwarded to another account, e.g. Ippimail to your Primary E-Mail. To have Ippimail fetch messages from another account (via POP3) and to set up Mail and Spam filters. It can filter messages into different folders based on the filter rules. And even provides a Spam/Anti-virus filter option. I've never needed them but my Ippimail account is basically my personal E-Mail address, so I'm not prone to signing up for accounts with it (I use my ISP's SpamMeAlot address for that).


The address book used while composing mail is crappy IMHO but if one enables the Javascript version you get a quite nice one. It's also never tripped my popup blocker or slowed down my browser ether. If Konquerors (annoying) Javascript engine can handle it fine I'd be even happier with it. Unfortunately while Ippimail seems to use the import/export address book plugin (hooah!). It can only handle CVS files, one thing I like about this; especially since you can customise the output. Is it means it's not to hard to use other tools (sed, awk, perl, e.t.c) to process the file into a format more suitable for other things of Unix nature. But it means no real support for Outlook Express or Thunderbird address books :-(


E-Mail storage is roughly 250MB right now, not as big as some (like gmail) but it's more then enough for most people I think. Unless you're prone to storing a lot of junk mail with attachments :/ Even with a real mother load of messages piling up, I've never surpassed 30-50mb before. If I really wanted to keep a few 100MB of mail in storage, I'd download it and archive+compress it %_%

The UI is fairly intruitive as any you'll find and easy to change in options. It's also very easy on the eyes, in addition to a simple E-Mail system. It comes with fairly simple Calendar, To-do list, and notes system. They even will provide a Blog with the account if wanted. Since I use Live Journal, I've never investigated it. I rarly use it for more then E-Mail but I'm interested in the To-Do and Notes plugins they have installed.


As a Web based Mail User Agent of sorts, I've found Squirrel Mail top notch and Ippimail to be a great provider. I've used many programs but never really been happy with any for E-Mail. Especially for dealing with mail in _volume_ and from multiple PC's. So far, ippimails usage of squirrel mail has proven to be one arrangement I really like.


The website is quite compact and down to business, I like it even if it's not very flashy. Theres links for site news, blogs, shopping, and google-searching. The thing Ippimail does best is E-Mail and thats what I use it most for :-)


I almost went with a gmail account but didn't quite like Googles policy, when I found out about ippimail I probed for awhile and thought about it. Then I dove in head first and I'm glad I did. I don't like software that gets in my way, I like software that helps me get my work done, efficiently!

Things I would pay for....

Being an extraordinarily stingy bastard, I'm generally only willing to pay for what I need or want a lot. An example would be The Regiment, I want the game... So I'd be willing to buy it. I don't need an IDE so why would I buy Microsoft Visual Studio??? And to be honest I'd rather make a charitable donation because of how much I love and use Vim then pay for MS Visual Studio $_$


I'm used to not having a lot of money, so needless to say while I don't have problems spending a lot of money. When I do spend my money it is often as carefully Analyzed and as wisely as I can.


Products and services I would pay for if I could afford to:

1. Strongspace
   • Strongspace would save me so much trouble. Not only would it make things easier then having to set stuff up on my lan and configure every thing (clients/servers) and deal with Winsucks | Nix relations... Namely that Windows my options. My server lacks a good sized hard drive so I can't even make use of a similar solution with my own hardware. Even the cheapest plan on strongspace could probably hold my entire home directory! 5GB storage for $15/month is not bad. The medium plan costs more (25GB Storage for $50/month) but it could hold all of my personal data on the network. Geeze my laptop doesn't even have 25GB of data on its 80GB disk. And my server has less free-space then strongspaces startup plan offers :/. If I could afford strongspace I would definitely go for it fast
   
   
2. Live Journal
   • While I wasn't sure if I would like it at first, nore blogs at all. Since I started using Live Journal I've come to like it quite a lot. If I had the spare money I'd go for a paid account. While my account at this time is basic and I do occasionally experiment with setting it to Plus (ad supported), feature wise I've found Basic (free, no advertisements) to be more then enough. A paid account would probably be more helpful to LJ then useful for me. I like Live Journal so I think it would be worth while even if I don't need the extras;-)
   
   
3. Ippimail
   • Webmail with a heart, they use Squirrel Mail with several plug ins and a custom theme. It looks very nice and provides a lot of features for a free service. Most of there setup is using Open Source Software and a portion of their profits goes to charities and supporting OSS Projects. The ads on the webmail are basically what pay them. The advertisements on the webmail are very on-obtrusive and dispite having filled out the surveys to the fullest, I have _NEVER_ gotten an ounce of spam from ippimail. I wish I could say the same about my ISP !!! Ippimail has saved my mail... Since I can't afford a new UFD and mailx+lynx on my server would be a bitch. I've all ready tried mutt+lynx, I liked it but not when people sent me HTML mail ! I'm glad ippimail is free, because I probably wouldn't be able to use it other wise :-( but it is a service I would pay for if I could + had to.
   
   
4. DX For Nix
   • Some way to play any game on Linux and BSD and an assurance that any game would work. Would be worth a small fortune to me. The closest thing to it only works for Linux based systems but not on BSD using the Linux ABI. I don't use GNU/Linux very often. Although I'd rather run a GNU/Linux Distro on my desktop then Windows XP hehe.
   
   
5. Vim
   • If I ever win the lotto, oh boy is there going to be a donation sent this way :-)

Because people can't organize there schedule right.....


My day off is gone.


I'm stuck working Friday, the big job... My one day this week to do MY work.

I've got training sessions to run Sat/Sun, work Monday, probably Tuesday, work Wedsday, so effectively this means I'm stuck in a very pissy mood.

I fell asleep on the couch all night (gee, thx to whoever forgot to wake me at bed time!). So there fucking goes getting any thing done tonight. It's 0315 and I've got to be up by 0900-0930... but I've just had like 4-5 hours of sleep...


Good thing my to do list is written up on the desktop.. I hate getting off work after 1600. By the time I get home, have some thing to eat, and actually "can" get any thing done. It's all ready 1900 and time to log off for pete's sake.

The war is on

Well so far all is working semi-well...

The K-Menu key does not always work on every boot.

I've managed to piss off my router and vice versa trying to convice it that two machines asking for the same IP is not smart.


After a period of time the laptop totally locks up and has to be powered off by force (button). Can't restart X or switch to a virtual tty ! Not sure what does this... System ran 6.1-Release under the hood no problem. So I doubt 6.2-Stable is any problem (I hope), the only *major* change other then that is Xorg 7.2 instead of 6.9...

I've been dicking with the xorg.conf file merging some changes from my old file from xorg 6.9... Hopefully it'll fix it. I've aslo disabled the Beryl thingy on boot up, if it happens again (lock up) I'll probably try killing HAL. After that test turning ACPI off, after that... boot safe mode and scream.


Fetching ports now, so hopefully I'll be able to get some stuff setup. Most of my home directory is ready to go, I should probably dump /home and move it to my server just in case.

Enough, it's time!

Ok... I'm tired of waiting. I could have a FreeBSD 6.2-Release + KDE3 setup working before PC-BSD v1.4 is released.

Phase I

I've unpacked my backups and reorganized/cleaned my home directory. It really needed it. CRAP, I forgot to backup my codecs.... Oh well just a quick trip to mplayers website. I zipped up the 'new' home directory into about 1.6-1.8gb of archive.

Phase IIA

I removed all my storage partitions and replaced it with a 5GB FAT32 slice using Knoppix + QTParted. Booted back into PC-BSD v1.3.4 and downloaded the backups via SMB to the FAT32 partition

Phase IIB

Booted Knoppix and used QTParted to erase the PC-BSD partitoin and create a huge ext2 slice. I left about 23mb free and have an active ext2 slice for PC-BSD to reformat.

Phase III

Installed the system... Found a possible bug in the installer and sent a msg out to Testing. My webmails still a reck...

Phase VI

Now to boot her, reinstall my backups and get my baby back in action.



The GOOD thing, is if any thing happens to my data. All of the important stuff is backed up in 6 places, the OS Config in 3-4 places too.



more later.

Whats a good way to get ones mind off painful thoughts?


Keep busy....

Code and Gems

On a whim, I started work on anew toy.

A ruby script to process in an M3U play list and output a track list in HTML (with some nice options and stuff too).


While I could probably find a script for amarok or google some thing to do it. I've been itching for some thing to sink my teeth in, thats not going to take years to do. To be honest, I've been going crazy.... Can't stand not to have some program to work on, ether writing, debugging, configuring, or testing.


I've never really been the sort of guy, that could just sit down and say "Ok, we need to get result foo... So we've got to do bar to get it". When I have most of what I'm doing formed in my minds eye, I can write it out. And kick it about till I make it work (usually). But if I just knock my head on the wall, I usually fail to figure out how to do the things in the middle. Unless my brain kicks into gear and figures out a nice overview $_$

Needless to say, I doubt I'd ever be happy playing with searching and sorting algorithms.. lol. To night, I've had a lot of fun. The program might not be one I'll use much but the important thing is

1. I've had fun working on it and
2. It lets me learn more about the Language
3. Enjoying working on a little some thing every now and then is my favorite way to learn the features, standard library/e.t.c, and memorize the syntax of the language

It's been one of the rare times where I got a simple idea, a ruby script to take M3U files and spit out HTML track listings (simple and fancy/detailed). Sat down and started munching on the problem... step by step, without any real overview of how to do it.


When I worked on rf.c, a little program I made... Because using cat(1) to print an entire file to stdout instead of concatenating files annoys me 0.o


I had a lot of fun learning, it helped me get used to using GDB and writing C instead of reading for a change. but when I did rf.c, I had a pretty complete mental picture of the program before I ever started, I knew I'd want it to do x.y.z. And I knew how I would have to implement it more or less, before I started line one. With this toy, I had no idea what the heck I would be doing in Ruby other then I'd be dealing with strings and file paths.

So, it's been a wonderful time just sitting and working as I go along... Hell when I do some thing. I test sections of it before I use it, make a prototype, fix the errors I can find, adopt it into a semi-finalized version. And work on it till it's the best quality program I can make of it. So, whats the harm in playing with a toy? xD

Instead of having to sit down and create the blue print before hand !


0442 local, nearly 1000 Hours Zulu time... So I'm glad that I've only got a short run to work tomorrow and little need of waking up EARLY besides walking the dogs.. Ok, bed time !

Crazy Monkey style

Found this song and it's been suck in my head since...

Code Monkey
Jonathan coulton

Code Monkey get up get coffee
Code Monkey go to job
Code Monkey have boring meeting
With boring manager Rob
Rob say Code Monkey very dilligent
But his output stink
His code not "functional" or "elegant"
What do Code Monkey think?
Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write god damned login page himself
Code Monkey not say it out loud
Code Monkey not crazy, just proud

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

Code Monkey hang around at front desk
Tell you sweater look nice
Code Monkey offer buy you soda
Bring you cup, bring you ice
You say no thank you for the soda cause
Soda make you fat
Anyway you busy with the telephone
No time for chat
Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle he sit down pretend to work
Code Monkey not thinking so straight
Code Monkey not feeling so great

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you
Code Monkey like you a lot

Code Monkey have every reason
To get out this place
Code Monkey just keep on working
See your soft pretty face
Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake
Take bath, take nap
This job "fulfilling in creative way"
Such a load of crap
Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you
Code Monkey just waiting for now
Code Monkey say someday, somehow

Code Monkey like Fritos
Code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew
Code Monkey very simple man
With big warm fuzzy secret heart:
Code Monkey like you

A ROFL moment

Many a time I've seen a Pack of Root beer come with a broken can or sticky where one had broken in another package. Rough handling from truck to stocking shelves I've always figured.


I was carrying a plate into the kitchen when some thing fell. I heard a clatter and saw a spray of some thing cross the cabinets. When I flicked on the lights and saw what must have happened, I nearly keeled over laughing.


The falling knife sliced open a can of root beer, through the packaging and it's a knife that would barely cut butter!!!!!!!!


On closer inspection I found that the position of the knife on the deck indicated it's most probable trajectories would've had the tip-area of the blade strike the root beer carton. The piece of box was cut through and when I removed the can it spewed root beer all over and I found that the can had been cut through! It's only a milimetre or so thick at the most I'd say. But most Soda cans are made of Aluminum in the USA, while most canned food cans are Steel and some Tin. The knife hit it with enough force for total penetration.


Now if it was a good knife I could understand, no problem but come on. These knifes are probably older then I am. So, I'm 19 and we've had them as far back as I can remember. So they've got to be at least 15 years old, minimal. They cut food fine, if you work at it enough and it's not to thick. These are the kind of knife, you like to have for safety. :/ My moms had numerous accidents over the decade where a *good* knife would've taken most of her finger, maybe even cut down to the bone. But because she was using *these* dinner knifes, she always managed to get away without even a CUT ! Even me, I've dropped them and had them land on my toes -> Not even a scratch!!


Yet with a little bit of Gravity and what not, it packed enough force to CUT through the box (1.5~2mmm thick), through the can, totally gashing open a slit in one side of the can. And the Root Beer had enough force to spray out of the can, box, and a foot (~0.4m?) across the room till it finally hit some thing solid.


You'd probably have to have been there to find it funny, but I was having a real Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Freaking Butt Off (ROFLMFBO) moment!!! I've been around these knifes most of my life and have had canned soft drinks like forever. I was laughing so hard my mom was even cracking up at the site of it.

Hmmm, I new problem to deal with.


I've finnally gotten my favorite radio station in this burg to play on my laptop (PC-BSD). The ketch is to do it I've got to use an URL in konqueror to launch the window, basically what I do in IE7 and it works the same way. Other then it's a kaffine plugin rather then Windows Media Player.


The problem is I have to toy with kmix and adjust the sound systems volume to tune it. With the WMP Plugin it's as easy as sliding the volume switch.


Bloody heck, trying to post this has taken hours..... Trying to get any thing done in this house is very VERY hard unless every one else is sound asleep... which means no sleep fo rme.

Thursdays are always a pain

Well, even now that I'm not working usual hours on Thursdays... they are still nightmares. Most of the days been a collection of minor disasters of one sort or another.

I've managed to actually get two things done today... Just two worth noting.

Working on controlled pairs w/ the G3A3 in RvS, dealing with multiple targets, and my favorite. A quick double tap followed by a follow up to the head/neck to make sure they go down for good. The over riding rule I have in ammunition usage, is I keep firing till I can confirm the targets out of the picture. The first 2 rounds might get him, but I have no problem with firing a 3rd or 4th before they hit the ground. It might be a waste of ammo but if I'm not sure they are neutralised after my normal 2-3rnd burst. I'm shooting the target again! Just the same with multiple targets, Find the most threatening target, hit it, find the next, hit it. Rinse and repeat and keep firing till all targets are down or I'm wishing the game allowed me to throw the rifle at the tango ! I think having to deal with 2 or 3 tangos at once is important. You don't really have time to make sure you kill any one on the first solvo.... I remember in F.E.A.R. I was pissed at always getting shot at by a bunch of Replicas trying to set up an Ambush. So when I started taking fire, I had enough of that crap. Grabbed my scattergun and came blitz'ing around the corner in Slow-Mo mode. Plugged one Replica with a shell, cycled over to the next and missed. Put a nice hole in the wall :/, no time to argue so I cycled back to the first with another shell as he dropped to the ground (kia) Cycled back to the second Replica again, took him down with a shot to stagger him as I dropped out of 'Slow-mo' mode. Then leaped into a nice Round-House that smashed the Replica's skull on a near ledge in a very awkward way for a Video Game. A crazy and foolish assault but the game made for an interesting chance to engage multiple targets.

Also,

def edit_file( editor=nil, file=nil )

  unless editor
    if Platform::OS == :win32
      #We need to dig in to the registry later
      system( "notepad #{file}" )
    elsif Platform::OS == :unix
      if ENV['EDITOR']
        system( "#{ENV['EDITOR']} #{file}" )
      else
        system( "vi #{file}" )
      end
    end
  else
    system( "#{editor} #{file}" )
  end

end

I got to finish solving a little problem. How to figure out what OS the program is running on in order to adopt, e.g. notepad or vi as an editor of last resort. The Platform module from rubyforge gives us a decent way of finding out if it's a Windows or Unix based system. I don't have any access to a Mac... so oh well. :S

Later when I've got time, I want to see about pulling the systems default editor for .txt files from the registry, since $EDITOR is not useful on Windows NT. The snippet also shows some thing I really like about Ruby, the unless statement.

# For example, Ruby
unless 5 < 4
  puts '5 is more then 4'
end


/* and in C which has no unless statement */
if ( !5 < 4 ) {
        printf( "5 is more then 4" )
}

while I've never cared much for the if ( !expr ) bit in C, I learned to read it fine. In what reminds me of Perl, you can also do a bit of < code > unless expr on one line if you want in Ruby. What I like about the idea of an unless and until statement, is unlike if (!expr) and while (!expr), after a shit load of reading. It's a little harder to miss the difference when it's not dependent on seeing the '!'. One reason why I use parentheses the way I do, is I've found it much easier on the eyes. When I do have enough time. I find my self reading a lot, so when I'm half asleep and I'm trying to remember what I read 2,000 lines ago. It's pretty dang easy to foul up and have to wait on the compiler to scream. I'm not lucky enough to be able to have both time to read code and to sleep... lol. I remember I once spent like a half hour trying to fix a program that wouldn't build. The whole dang problem? Was just a comma instead of a period, some_struct,member instead of some_struct.member and after 3 or 4 hours of non stop working... I couldn't tell the difference between the , and . with my font and tied eyes.

So needless to say, I like to keep in mind that I may not be functioning in a stable frame of mind when I do things. The less I can leave for my self to fuck up, the less I have to smack my self upside the head for not seeing in the first place.

While I've never claimed to be decent at it, C is my strongest language. There's just some thing about C that gets me, like the ultimate balance to my tastes. With Ruby, I've found that the pace it allows me to maintain is to good to pass up. Just being able to open a new tab with irb in it; for testing short bits of code. Is so much faster then opening a new tab, writing a scratch file, compiling it, and screwing with it till it works. Before finally adopting it to make use of it in what ever I'm working on. I think theres actually an interceptor for C but I've never tried any thing but a compiler.

I'm used to C style syntax, I started learning with C++, not really a good choice but it worked. Java and Perl are pretty similar in the basics. When I found C, I fell in love :/ so I'm pretty used to the idea of having to deal with things when I have to. I know crap about PHP but it's close enough to the languages I do know that I can get along ok. In Ruby the syntax is very different but it's kind of nice. You even have the choice of { ... } or do ... end, I usually use do and end because I feel they fit in well with the syntactic style (imho).

When ever I write some thing, if it's not short or a quickie I'll never need again. I try to keep a few things in mind.

1. That I know what the hell I did, when I haven't worked on it closely in weeks or months
2. That it's fairly easy to understand whats happening
3. That after you read it, you'll probably get the jist of how it works. And hopefully what it does by reading the comments

I really hate when I start reading a function and it's so deep. by the time I get to the functions ending '}' I can't even remember what the hell it was named -- I've never written a routine that fat!! lol. When I can, I like things to fit on a screen/screen and a half'ish for what I need to see. If I can't keep the routine down to a manageable size. I'll usually write other functions in the module just to help it do it's job. I'd rather follow the line of execution to another function to make a change, then have like another 40 lines to scroll past in search of it. Most of the personal conventions I have, are ether to make my self clear yet efficient without making it easy for me to screw up. I believe source code is meant to be read by humans and run by machines, in that order. If I think it makes it easier on the reader without much cost, I'll do it. Thats probably why when I work on some thing, I do it in stages. I make a prototype and some test pieces, I learn from that. Then I adopt and apply it to the main section. Once it's done and doing what I want it to do. I try to go back over it and see if I can improve its quality.

I've got such a monster live op planned, the only problem is finding the right day or weekend to do it. We've got three maps, a Hostage Rescue, Mission, and Mission.

I had origenally begun planning this op last year. I was thinking, wouldn't it be interesting if the we had to respond to a local attack. So I found a nice MOUT map, we could use the scenario very well. It's a large urban complex where you really have to watch your back, using bangs, frags, smoke, gas, and claymores are good ideas. The hostages are not to hard but staying alive is. The little subway station is pretty crappy... but well enough for the live op.


Then I tried to think about how I could create a string of related live operations from it. While still trying to figure out where my first map would take place I cooked up a plan. The [SAS] would travel to Russia in search of intelligence. Which would in turn lead them to find proof of the terrorist actions, and end in a show down.


I found a nice snowbase map with a mission that supported what I needed. A military/terrorist base like map, with a laptop computer to bug. The mission also had lots of crates and hostages hidden around. So Live Operation Arctic Recon was born. Random lead the covert op, laptop was bugged but the owner was no where to be found. The team placed a tracking device in a weapons crate and extracted... When Wiz heard voices in a locker room, the Element came in for a dynamic assault. All went well, one hostage safe, two tangos down, and Wiz killed a second hostage %_%.


As a stop gap, I cooked up an hostage rescue mission using another old Rainbow Six map. Where the [SAS] had to deal with some really pissed off IRA guys that just bungled a bank robbery for funds. They took so freaking long to get ready, I added a condition that the Terrorists would execute a hostage every 5 minutes starting 'now', came and gone, several hostages down. But after the rest of his Element was cut down, Miles of the Blue Team stormed the complex and saved the day.


I had found a nice map with a mission with a huge fortress of a map. The Live Op? Prince Charles was kidnapped and the [SAS] gets first crack at the rescue. I hope the op gets done sooon. Should the [SAS] team fail, well an Element of the Royal Protection Squad made up of old school [SAS] Members will suddenly appear out of no where and save the day. Valroe has furnished me with after-action report attachments for both cases, hope we complete this op hehe ^_^


I came up with a nice recon mission, I think the real SAS did some similar ops during the unpleasantness with the IRA. The team was ordered to recon a warehouse, mark weapon caches with GPS Bombs (tracking devices included) and leave un detected. The bombs would be blown via remote once the destinations were known. They also had to bring back any intel they could find, I think they nabbed 5/6 docs.


After playing the map with (C)The_Baroness, (C)Destro, and Grishenko one night I hashed out a live op. The Team would go to Bavaria to knock out an Arms dealer. The guys found so many docs on the last map, it was just too good to pass up. Besides I know the [SAS] Members love to C4 things xD


The final live op, is a monster. Three missions where the [SAS] has been called upon to launch a counter attack and push the terrorists off the map.


Operation Vengeance (RvS) Mission Objectives:

Map #1 -- Vipers Edge
1. Neutralise all terrorists
2. Secure the subway station
3. Prevent bomb detonations
4. Prevent civilian casualties.


Map #2 -- Leviathans
1. Secure the area
2. Laser designate enemy stronghold
3. Reach the extraction point


Map #3 -- Dragons fury
1. Prevent bomb detonations
2. Eliminate the Terrorist Leader
3. Reach the LZ and signal for extraction
4. Neutralise all threats (Optional)



The first map I think will be pretty easy as long as they don't get killed. The second has a little trick to it. The Element will have a good chance to go above and beyond the call of duty. There will be an optional objective and a secret objective *muhauahuaha*. The last operation is not to hard if you can avoid getting killed getting across the map but I expect the 'secret' objective and harsh time limit will cause the Element to fail the op, at least if they take the Optional objective.



Only one of these maps has enough that I intend to allow them to do some pre-planning, a short 10-15 minutes. There won't be time to sit back and have a beer over the briefing. The guys playing this live op will have to dog it through 3 tough maps, destroy the enemy which is estimated to be company size in strength, well armed, on alert and ready to shoot at the drop of a pin. And they have to do it QUICKLY, regular forces get stuck with a mopping up action at best hehe #_#

Not to mention several secret objectives and optional objectives that will effect the mission outcome. This is a huge live op, 3 maps in one op... One day to do it.

I don't know why.... but some how every time I start looking at web browsers. Lynx just keeps coming up as #1.

Lynx seems to be able to give me every thing I could possibly want out of my browser. Except for Tabbed Browsing, the options of Images, and most importantly... being able to lay out a page decently !


Links does a much better job on laying pages but I'm more comfortable with Lynx, dang I wish I had time to see what trying to create a new browser based on the Links and Lynx code bases would result in :/


Netscape navigator 9 I like a lot but it's just too bloody slow.


Firefox 2 I can't stand, it's crap as far as I'm concerned... Hopefully 3.x will rock.

I like Seamonkey but since I use only webmail now, theres no need for it when theres Firefox and Navigator.

Opera I like a lot, it's got a few rough edges but it's one of the best browsers I've ever used. I've got to reinstall it on my desktop, keeps crashing.... never had that problem before. It's nice enough to ask to restore my session on the next run tho.


Konqueror and Safari I like a lot but nether are portable enough for my needs, *yet*


I need to find a decent web browser, some thing I can use consistantly on Windows NT, Linux i386/AMD64, *BSD i386/AMD64, and Mac OS X. While I don't have a Mac and rarly use Linux Distros. I like to have the SAME program as much as possible between OSes. Like Vim, works on every OS I'm likely to use and nearly any OS I'll probably bump into. The major difference is I tend to preffer GVim (Vim's GUI) only when I don't have a decent terminal emulator, like on Windows XP. CMD.EXE is a poor one compared to Konsole.

How old am I?

Hmm, let me think.

I was largely trained by [SAS]_Trp_Rand, [SAS]_Cpl_Relish, [SAS]_Trp-Cpl_Wiz, [SAS]_Sgt_James, [SAS]_Cpl_JB, and [SAS]_En4cer, I think he was SSM at the time.

My fellow recruits we're Rasa and Leon.

Recruits I've seen go through the selection course,

// Note that this is from memory and is not in complete chronological order
[SAS]_Rct_Fritz -> Left to care for his mom, was Rct around my time
[SAS]_Rct_Rouge -> Long time server reg, Now a Captain; joined when I was a young Trp.
[SAS]_Rct_Mando -> Made trp but is now vet, one of the youngest, a short but fast rising star. I normally consider Mando the last Recruit of my generation.
[SAS]_Rct_Boone -> Dropped out do to real life issues
[SAS]_Rct_Ghost -> On and off Trp/Vet, very mature & a good member
[SAS]_Rct_Noer -> I think he was our first SWAT4 Trooper, now one of our SSM's.
[SAS]_Rct_Fox -> At first I thought he might be another Random in the making. Rasa and I couldn't even tell him from a Trp he fit in so well as a Rct. Currently [SAS]_LCpl_Fox is on vet, our loss but the militaries gain.
[SAS]_Rct_Miles -> A good friend and now a good Sgt xD made me remember what a lazy good for nothing LCpl I was.
[SAS]_Rct_Hexen -> Maybe the only one to train to the same level as I did as a  Trp, made NCO but left for personal reasons. A very great loss for [SAS]
[SAS]_Rct_Midgit -> A fine player but got to bored
[SAS]_Rct_Lazko -> A young rct but now a great Cpl :-)
[SAS]_Rct_Jso -> Long time server reg turned grade A trooper. Now a vet due to time issues
[SAS]_Rct_Merge -> I've never been so impressed as the first day I played with him. Good chap with real world expierence but his work is to busy to keep him in the SC. When I first played with him I almost thought he might've been an ex [SAS] Member lol
[SAS]_Rct_Langley -> Long time on/off server reg but not active enough for Rct. Might've made LCpl some day !
[SAS]_Rct_Canuck -> About to fail the SC....
[SAS]_Rct_Lukas -> Ex PARA, basically our brother as far as clan history goes. A good trooper but prone to computer problems
[SAS]_Rct_Ranger -> Ex PARA, good trooper but a busy life
[SAS]_Rct_Yuke -> Another fine trooper but lots of school work
[SAS]_Rct_Snipe -> Grade A+ bad to the bone trooper, young but sharp as a razor
[SAS]_Rct_Sniper -> Sneakest S.O.B. I've met in the [SAS] next to myself. I think/wonder if he could do my job in [SAS] in a real life regiment hehe ;-)
[SAS]_Rct_DUKE -> A remarkable member, made a razor sharp trooper and trained to high standards, and now a great LCpl and only the future may tell what lays ahead
[SAS]_Rct_Medic -> A very great player, I expect him to be earning his Troopers tags soon xD
[SAS]_Rct_Mantis -> A very impressive player, every thing I know about him screams that he is probably 'our kinda guy'. But sadly seems to be in-active as a Rct.
[SAS]_Rct_Scout -> A very promising recruit and one of the few I think stand a decent chance of passing his T.T. on the first try.

Why do I feel old as dirt ? Most of the people that have trained me are no longer here. Most of the people that we're here when I first came to [SAS] are no longer here... Those that remain I am very glad to stand along side. For those that have come since; I have/am been proud to know them.

In a way, I envy the new generation of NCO's. The Selection Course has changed so much since I went through it. The SWAT4 end of things has gone from the teething toddler to a running young lad with Six-gun hehe. I'm still very glade to have had the trainers I have had though. Rand thought me the most important stuff, Relish my dynamic instructor. And the rest to guide and refine me. But throughout it all, Wiz I think was the one that really gave me my shot at Recruit. He's been a Friend, mentor, co-worker, and a senior during my tenor.

It's been my very great honour to be around the [SAS], as probably annoying pub, hanger-around, server regular, recruit, trooper, NCO and more. Becoming a [SAS]_Trp was one of the proudest days of my life. And needless to say the only plans I have for ever leaving, is feet first.

Live ready

Trying to set up a live op is crazy for me...


I plan the mission, I get things ready and give people 1-2 weeks notice, usually a clue of when it will be; e.g. probably saturday/sunday yyyy-mm-dd/dd around hhmm-hhmm GMT.


And it takes a month or 3 to get them in the server 8=)

Some how it figures rofl. I tried to download the .NET 3.0 framework from Microsoft using Opera and they told me the file can't not be found on their server.


I fire up Internet Explorer 7 and vola ! It works like a charm ^_^


Microsoft.com is very crippled for Opera Users I think, going by the times I've dropped in of my own free will. I wonder if they are that pissy to Mozilla or Netscape :/


Managed to get every thing up to date and even cleaned up my start menu. On my laptop I usually just open a konsole or xterm & tell it to run the programs I want (I've always got a terminal emulator handy). It's more bugger then its worth imho to do that with cmd.exe and my %PATH% is fat enough now. So I think this is a nice solution, especially since I do not like the Programs->Vendor->Product->Many files arangement used on Microsoft Windows for the start menu and file system.


Click to view image -> Warning it is a 1600x1200 JPEG !

Techno Nightmares

Screamers.... now that is a nightmare of a movie.


In the not so far future (2078) a new source of energy was found, berynium on some rock probably in the middle of no where. It looked to be the best thing since coal or sliced bread judging by the intro. But after awhile of mining for it, the process started throwing up huge amounts of radiation. To stop it the workers and scientists banded together to put pressure on the company. Who in turn launched an all out war with the Alliance.


After being Nuked half of the planet... can't blame them for needing every last trick in their book to hold on. They invented a monster, the 'Screamer' an Autonomous Mobile Sword. That tracks targets by their plus and use the cutting buzz saw like blade that makes up most of their body to cut the enemy to death. In the opening a N.E.B. (the company) grunt trying to deliver a message got a leg and an arm chopped off before the screamers finally lopped off his head. Built by an automated factory under the Alliance bunker, they proved valuable at protecting the base and stopping the enemy. The only way they could tell friend from foe required you to wear a 'tab' on your wrist to block their sensors. When the poor sap with the message came in it was their first N.E.B. contact in like 6 months.


After the journey to respond ensures (hey I'm not spoiling the entire picture:-P) two Alliance soldiers, a green kid and a seasoned local. Meet up with a new and improved version. A little kid claiming to be a survivor in the waste land, begging to come with them. The trick? It's really a droid, so real you'd think it was human - once it get's inside the enemies bunker. It releases it's payload, a deadly 'Screamer'. A N.E.B. squad they link up with tells how effective it was. The droids murdered most of the N.E.B. forces inside their command bunker during dinner time. Also another model...

A wounded soldier begging for help, go to help him and vola ! You're ripped apart by the screamer. The things we're self manufacturing as far as the viewer is able to gather. And some how self improving, more advanced models developed by machines, as it was stated that none we're sent to the planet from command since the prototype years ago. When the scientists effectively built the factory, pushed the on button and ran like heck. In the N.E.B. base they found another model, simple lizard/reptilian like screamers. Slow walking but flast leaping buggers with a Dinosaur like look & feel, right out of a museum.

When the merry band returns to the Alliance bunker... they find out the same thing that happened to the N.E.B's destroyed the soldiers there. The voice of the bunkers 2nd in command beckons them in over the radio. A repetitive conversation and multiple personality show its a trap. Faced with an Army of droid children clutching teddy bears and having a screamer inside marching out of the base. Trust me it's not as corny as it sounds lol. Using their high powered by todays standards weapons til the ammo ran out. Then dropping down to the built in flame throwers... They couldn't hold off the onslaught. So using a recovered micro-nuke they blow the place to crap.

Only to discover one of the N.E.B's with them injured, when the green Alliance kid goes to help. He's ripped apart by the advanced screamer... horrible, not even the 'tabs' worked any more. The Screamers now could kill any one and every one. After being put down the last two people left, The Alliance commander and a N.E.B. woman set out for the one way off the planet. The 'oh crap the place is about to explode' escape system for the bases commander.

To prove that she is human the commander nearly cuts the womans arm off. To do like wise he almost does the same to his own hand before she stops him. The two apparently falling in love head out, only to be greeted by the commanders friend and the next in the Chain of Command. Another screamer !! The screamer was said to have cut off the mans face and took it, hence the appearance. After disposing of him they find another horror, the escape shuttle only has room for one.

Pulling every trick in the book the commander tries to make sure the N.E.B. woman is the one to go, yet theres some reason why she "just can't go". When a duplicate shows up, we know why ! Another screamer... the most advanced yet. The two fight to the last fembot standing, the victor gets a blast of rocket engine as the other dies. Leaving the poor guy to use the shuttle and hope he gets back to Earth... and meets HUMANS !!! It's made clear that his and the fate of earth may be undesirable...



You'd have to see the movie to really appreciate it but it is really horrifying. Man kind is deadly enough without machines surpassing us. The screamers evolved to the point that they killed their own side. Then to the point that they killed each other. It's pretty dang sad when your own governments weapons try to kill you !

I hope that People are never removed from war, unless war is removed it self. One can argue that there is no such thing as 'honor' in a war. If one see's the goal as to live to see the end in victory. That's one thing but there is some point. Where a line is crossed, it's not a matter of honor or fairness but of right or wrong.


Killing the enemy is one thing but murder is another. In screamers you can't tell if the person next to you is on your side or even human. The chap you've played cards with for the past year might try and rip your arms off the next. It's a sick idea... when machines have evolved past their creator, all but destroyed their creators, and start killing themselves too.


The Terminator is a scary idea but this is worse, just watch the movie and you'll find out why lol. I think it's a good thing when you can have some one sit out of the line of fire. Control a robot and have it drop a bomb on the enemy, thats good. But when your toaster oven is modified to kill the enemy while you go on a smoke & coke break. You're going to be pretty dang sorry if it tries to kill you after getting an upgrade !

SAL1600 todo list

Reinstall:

Perl
Python
Ruby

Update:

.NET Framework
Vim

Check for updates:

GNU Emacs
XEmacs
JEdit


Ok, back to cleaning up the system.

Writer's Block: In The Money

If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?



Hmmmmm, probably bank it for next months bills. If I had $100 laying around and nothing to spend it on, I'd probably find some one that needed help with money or get setup on paypal and send it [SAS}'ward.


My incomes basically $0 until December... so I wouldn't mind finding $100 on the side of the street :/

Trying to work around here is ridicules unless every one else is asleep...

It's like in the Man and the Iron Mask (98) when Aramis is trying to pray and Porthos comes roaring through with two wenches.

*shakes head*

Thinkpad

*drool* I wish I could get one of these babies.

Looking at the custom options, 1.66Ghz Core 2 Duo. 15.4" Display, 1024MB DDR2, 80GB HDD..... $895.00 man I wish I could get that baby.


This laptop costed $650 for a 2.0 Ghz Mobile Sempron, comparable widescreen displace, 512MB DDR, and 60GB HDD. Plus I had to put up with a $100 restocking fee, because I exchanged a $750 laptop for it -> Because it wouldn't run any thing but Windows (slowly). Which I had picked because they we're out of any other laptop in my price range... Best Buy Bastards !! lol.


But I'm lucky, my laptop works great on FreeBSD aside from shitty 3D performance

Partition plan

I'd like a small partition in the lead, doesn't need to be big, I'll probably use OpenBSD or an old FreeBSD 6.0 disk for setup. I just want a pretty minimal install, kernel, manual pages, and required binaries. I'd like it to be a pretty small slice but with enough room to hold a few files in a 'pinch. Its basically just there in case I need to do some recovery operations and can't boot the primary OS.

As far as that goes, PC-BSD v1.4 when it is released.

# PC-BSD v1.4
ad0s2   66560MB (65GB)
/  10240MB (10GB)
/swap  1024MB (1GB)
/home/  20480MB (20GB)
/usr/  25600MB (25GB)
/var/   512MB (0.5GB)  

All sizes are approximate but I'm figuring I should have 7-8gb free space in the slice. 512mb will be more then enough for /var, my current system has /tmp linked to /var/tmp and is only using 120-150mb on a 2.5gb partition. 10GB should be plenty for the root partition. My laptops not even 10GB with /:/usr:/home all being on the same partition. So I expect roughly 20gb for my home directory and ~25gb to be plenty for /usr. I could probably thin back /var and add a nice fat /tmp/ but I figure the spare space on / will do if I need the extra room in /tmp when un-packing a file. /usr/ports and /usr/src is only about 800-1200MB so it won't make much dent into my /usr partition.

# My Laptop, PC-BSDv1.3.4 is on ad0s3, the other partitions are for storeage
Terry@Dixie$ df -h                                                         8:41
Filesystem     Size    Used   Avail Capacity  Mounted on
/dev/ad0s3a     36G    8.2G     25G    25%    /
devfs          1.0K    1.0K      0B   100%    /dev
/dev/ad0s3e    2.9G    135M    2.5G     5%    /var
/dev/ad0s1      10G    1.1G    8.9G    11%    /mnt/ad0s1
/dev/ad0s2      20G     48K     20G     0%    /mnt/ad0s2
linprocfs      4.0K    4.0K      0B   100%    /usr/compat/linux/proc
Terry@Dixie$                                                               8:41

I can finally clean up my laptops partitions... which I have wanted to do for a long while but havn't had time or wish to do to a 'stable' system. If its not broke don't fix it ! But since I'll need to reformat, may as well. I like to have issues of partitioning set out BEFORE I do any install. That way I know roughly what I want before hand. So I can adopt it to what I need when the situation comes up. As I have it now, I've got a few Gigs worth of free slice planned, more then enough for a minimalist BSD install. Plus a few free gigs on the main PC-BSD slice. So I can add another partition if I need to, it does leave me room to use growfs on my future PC-BSD install if I need to later on.

I hope the Release will be soon, that way I won't have to lose much time. My home directory is cut down to only what it needs to function with copies of the backups near by in case I need some thing. Once my little synchronizer is done I can complete my change of browsers and get Vectra (an OpenBSD box) setup running an FTP server on the LAN to felicitate it. Thus I should again be able to keep my bookmark/mail/settings the same between computers again. Since I remembered Lynx has good support for Vi and Emacs keybindings... I'm almost tempted to switch to using Lynx as my primary browser but I know sasclan.org is pretty crappy in Lynx !!! And Links doesn't work natively on Win32 yet afaik.


5 minutes to local 0500.... time to go to sleep !!!!

Digital Boxes

I started the day about 0915 today, went on the 'country run' to let the dogs out. Came home, had a fast breakfast and started my backups. Went to work till after 1600. The usual crap after RTB (Return To Base), set up SAL1600 to share a folder on the workgroup. Before my laptop could see the SMB Share I had to reboot the (windows) box hosting the share.

I've finished backing stuff up and got it all moved onto SAL1600. So my darling Dixie is ready to have her hard drives wiped clean for upgrade.

 Terry@Dixie$ du -ch ./*                                                   22:28
4.6M    ./Documents.tar.gz
1.8G    ./Music.tar.gz
308M    ./Pictures.tar.gz
 33M    ./Programming.tar.gz
422M    ./Videos.tar.gz
 36M    ./dotfiles.tar.gz
288K    ./lastminute.tar.gz
2.0K    ./loader.conf
928K    ./misc_files.tar.gz
8.9M    ./root-compat-linux-opt-navigator.tar.gz
304K    ./root-etc.tar.gz
1.7M    ./root-usr-Projects.tar.gz
1.3M    ./root-usr-local-etc.tar.gz
 42K    ./root-usr-local-share-uemacs.tar.gz
 10M    ./root-usr-local-share-vim.tar.gz
 14K    ./sh.tar.gz
2.6G    total
Terry@Dixie$                                                              22:28

Backed up my Documents, my Music collection, my Pictures, my Programming directory, my Videos, my shell script/binary directory, the .dot files I want to keep and a few files sitting around my home directory. Also /usr/Projects where I have files for PBI Making stored, my loader.conf and a few things from the file system. the two major etc directories and my files for Vim and MicroEMACS, even Netscape Navigator 9, so I won't have to re download it.


When I started out my home directory was about 3.4GB according to du(1) and its -h switch. Now all the files I have archived are just over two and half GB. Its a strange feeling to see a major part of my life packed up into 'digital boxes'...


Since I'll be reformating for PC-BSD v1.4-Release I'm not going to keep most of the KDE or QT related files, just the ones I don't care to replace (konsole schemas, Konversation settings) and things for Amarok and Kopete that I can have on record if I need to 'restore' them.


For backing stuff up I really do prefer to use dump & restore for major stuff, I can get the system live and mount the disks. Then start a dump and feed in through a Secure Shell login to the server where it'll be compressed. Since a level 0 dump is pretty big for me, I tend to use bzip for compression. But for this job, since its just the files I'm interested in I've used a bunch of TAR Archives and gzip'd them. That way I can unpack them at my leazsure when the system is finally operational, Just waiting on PC-BSD to release v1.4, in the mean time I want to work on my partitioning scheme. I may also try to install a very minimal OpenBSD 4.1 into a partition. Reason? Get it set up so I can boot into OpenBSD, mount the PC-BSD slice and dump it over the network with less hassle ^_^


*sigh* time to leave for work again....1841 local, at least it's a very short run.

High speed, low drag

Hmmm, an interesting plan.

             4 Man Element (Alpha)
 Red Team (#1, #2) -- Blue Team (#3, #4)

#2 would be EL and #4 the next in command, EL is the senior & while Blue is out of his sight, #4 will call the shots needed to complete the team.

Red Library Offices

special: Rasa Room Clearing Challenge (RRCC), so shoot tangos on sight. Skip securing civlians and weapons, at least 2/3 of Element must live. Map is 'Clear' when all areas have been secured.

Spawn: Front entrance

Gear: at least 6 Flashbang and 1 Wedge recomended.

Element: Clear the insertion zone,

Red Team: move out into the large room, keep to the right for cover (from upper level) & bang over the wall. Secure the AoR and head into the hallway system.

Blue Team: move into the hallsystem, secure bathrooms, wedge level 4 door, top of side 1 stairs and return to hallsystem.

Element: Use the side 4 stairs (level 2 door) to accend to the server room (level 3). Stack up, shotgun bang & clear the initial room -- getting the FB as far in as possible to the 12 o'clock. Clear and secure initial room.

Red Team: Secure sever area (two rooms) and head via current stair well to the level 4 entry (side 3 stairs).

Blue Team: Fall back, head down to the garage (level 1) via current stair well (side 3), secure area. Then head to Level 4, entry from Side 3 stairs.


Element: Stand by, Column Stack (Red left of door, Blue Right of door). Button hooked entry (grenade optional).

Red Team: Button hook (left) continue to clear the area, secure all rooms in said area of responsiblity (2 rooms) using Flashbangs.

Blue Team: Button hook (right) continue to clear area, secure all rooms in said area of responsiblity (2 rooms).


The Element is ONE team, yet when peiricing the enemy is not possible. We strike with the left and right hand, crushing the enemies stronghold.

EL takes control of the Red Team, His XO takes charge of the Blue Team. The EL is in overrall command. They strike together, yet the strike sperately. A very fulid flow of command & control would be necessary and a great amount of pre-planning would adopt for speed.


With the kind of set up I have planned.... And 4 good [SAS] Operators, that map would be clear pretty dang quick and professionally. Each team would have a set of AoR, in the front Red has the Office, Blue the Hallway. In the server room they strike togther, yet Blue breaks off to clear the garage as Red secures the adjacent rooms. They regroup and strike at the top floor. One team to clear one side of it. Every one should operate under the idea that they have got to clear these sectors within approx 30 seconds.

Keep a fast, agressive pace, utilize pre-planned actions while commanders adopt to what can hit the fan. Good solid team work and a well developed Command & Control implementation.

Result? One Element, and a bunch of tangos that will never know what the heck hit them!

PC-BSD v1.4 Beta Review

About me:

I am TerryP, I have been using PC-BSD since the days of the 1.0 Release Candidate #1. I've also dealt with FreeBSD 6.x, NetBSD 3.x, OpenBSD 4.x, Debian 3.x, Slackware 10.x/11.x, Ubuntu 6.x, MS-DOS 2.x, and Windows 9x/NT systems over the years. But my main computer usage is centred around PC-BSD and OpenBSD systems. The Windows machine for gaming aside 8=)

I'm an avid computer learner and have been around the PC-BSD Support forums often. Up until recent months I was perhaps the most active member of the forum. Both offering what help and advice I could and putting in my two-cents in the language and feature requests when ever possible. I have contributed a handful of PBI to www.pbidir.com, most of which I no longer maintain due to 'personal' issues related to PC-BSD and PBI development. And occasionally I submit new ones when I see a request (such as the Marvel-Yukon driver) and try to get them perfected as my free time allows.

Computer Science / Programming and related issues are among my most common avenues of study. I receive no credit (piss on high school !!) but get to learn much when I'm off work. Thus poking around UNIX systems is a lot of fun for me, both at the perspective of Joe User, having to Admin the bastard, and trying to understand the code involved. I've been using computers since the early 1990's in one form or another and discovered BSD in late 2005 / early 2006. Since then its been a wonderful time learning every thing I can get my head around.


The Review: PC-BSD version 1.4 Beta


I Downloaded both CD's with wxDownloadFast using the Metalink feature... bloody fast compared to the usual FTP methods.

Booted Disk 1 without a problem. Instead of being prompted with the old ncurses dialog script, it went straight for the installer. The old script is in /root/ as PCBSDUtil.sh if I recall the filename correctly. Could come in handy but one can do it any way without the script if you know to use a shell.

The installer asked me for a System Language, Keyboard Layout, Timezone plus checkboxes for syncing with NTP (Time) servers and submitting data to bsdstats. No reason not to, all BSD Stats does is tell them non traceable information, like OpenBSD Machine w/ CPU ?, RAM ?, e.t.c. located in 'country' that kinda stuff.


Default settings was for US English language & Keyboard, a safe default in computing since you don't need a mouse to change the keyboard layout. Assuming your rat works ^_^
Time zone was set for California, LA which is oddly appropriate considering this is an Operating System based on the Berkley Software Distribution originally developed at UCB (University of California, Berkeley). Still no apparent way to set the bloody TZ to Zulu time (Universal Time Coordinated), to do that I usually set it in my shells RC files. I opted to go with a New York time zone since its the same as mine as well as bsdstats and ntpd.


I had to accept three End User License Agreements with one 'I agree' button. The BSD style License used by PC-BSD plus the licenses imposed by the Intel Firmware and nVidia drivers included with the Beta. I expect in future versions of PC-BSD some day we will see Adobe Flashplayer make a pop in here, should the bloody thing ever become stable. Maybe even a Realplayer one should it ever be fully ported to FreeBSD (rather then using the Linux ABI).


I was then prompted to set up the user accounts for the system, providing an administrator (root) password and adding at least one user. Since my standard root password at the moment is pretty strong, it contains more then A-Za-Z0-9 it warned me that it 'normally' can only contain regular alpha-numeric charactors. Then I added my normal user, tested my old password which was week. But required non AN char's, it wouldn't let me use it so I used another. Unchecked the box to 'autologin' the first/top user account added. However I could not continue without setting a weeker root password because of the limitations on allowed charactors. So I set it to 'root', ha! I know why this is done but I still think it should be allowed once you know the language and keyboard layout used. It saves on having to run passwd or the GUI tools later.. Oh well most people would probably pick a password that would pass through it on the first try 8=)


Next phase was setting up the disk, I only have one disk (/dev/ad0) and a PC-BSD v1.3 Beta or RC in the third slice, so I installed into /dev/ad0s3 with the following setup:

Mount          Size (MB)          Type
/              17137              UFS
Swap           4096               SWAP
/home          20480              UFS
/var           256                UFS
/usr           40960              UFS

It prompted me that /home was a symlink to /usr/home and the link would be adjusted correctly... Which I am happy for !!! In older versions of KDE having /home on a different slice was a problem, I've no time to test this at the moment but will in the future. Its never had a problem with it being its own (bsd) partition through. I opted for encrypted swap space but did not set a /tmp yet. Because I didn't know if PC-BSD had kept the annoying tmpmfs. Looking in /etc/rc.conf I see it is still insufficient, tmpfs is set with a size of 800m. This should be set during installation based on the amount of installed memory. In the past (e.g. <= PC-BSDv1.3) there has been problems. That if you require placing 'huge' files in /tmp, as is the case when using ark to unpack, say huge backup files onto a mounted disk. It goes tits up and runs out of /tmp space. It is *supposed* to be backed up by the hard disk but never seems to work that way. So much for telling people and hearing that it needs to be corrected. Then shouting loudly at them for not doing, since its still ignored. Given the option to install stuff from Disk Two, I selected the KDE SDK and KOffice packages, plus the FreeBSD Source Code. KDevelop gives them a very featureful IDE ready to go for C++ work, looks like it might even have integration with the valgrind profiler. I'm sure theres plug ins for other languages but they seem to be missing as far as starting new projects from the GUI are concerned. If I had to go with a traditional IDE, it would be Visual Studio but I hate Microsoft's compiler (I'm more into C then C++). I thunk I selected to install the FreeBSD source code I see /usr/src is empty but forgot to. Popping in CD2 after the first boot, I got the old automount prompt which is nice, thank you HAL. I also see on the disk that theres a ports tree on it too. I can install them later or download more recent ones.


The usual software is installed and a full list can be found here. Its still a pretty standard KDE system but its a little lighter then PC-BSDs older releases. Yet you can still install the stuff thats missing and more from CD2.


Support for Linux Binaries is on by default, as is cups (printing), samba (SMB file/print shares), powerd (for laptop power management), hal/polkit (HAL daemons to appease KDE), NTP & BSDStats since I opted into it during install, PF the OpenBSD Packet Filter / Firewall. Also the SSH server Daemon (a secure remote login), USB Daemon (you really want this), The Device State Change Daemon / Devfs, and a Console driver for the mouse... So you can use the mouse on a Virtual Console.


After logging in with my user account I was told to set up my graphics card. The default was suitable, 1024x768@60hz. It also went up all the way to 7680x4800@95hz. I had to chose 'intelligent' answers my self. I also picked the latest nVidia drivers. System works but the max refresh rates the LOWest supported for my resolution as far as Windows XP SP2 is concerned with much older nVidia drivers. Needless to say, my eyes are uncomfortable. when using my preferred resolution on this monitor (1600x1200).


The users home directories still have Document, Image, Music, and Video folders but no sample content. This has always been lacking since these were added. Not essential but always a 'nice touch'. With most PC's setup with Windows XP, you usually find a handful of sample pictures and a sample track or two for Windows Media Player.


Less needed stuff like Games and Toys have been moved to Disk 2, so the clutter after boot is a lot less. Yet you can install stuff you may want from disk 2. Like other languages (many choices), KDE based Office, Development, Educational, Games&Toy based packages. Also PBI's for Firefox 2.0.0.3, K3B 1.0, OpenOffice 2.1, and Opera 9.2 are on the disk.


dmesg shows both my Audigy 4 (detected as an Audigy 2) and on board AC97 (disabled in BIOS) based sound cards. But reading /dev/sndstat only shows an Audigy 2 installed. I have no sound but the PC's system bell thingy. This is normal with the emu10k1 driver the system has loaded. I'd need to install the emu10kx driver to get audio with my system.


Networking is fine out of the box no need for setup. Taking a look at the control centre its nice to see that theres a Software & Updates menu where we can add/remove PBI and stuff from Disk 2. Also configure the PC-BSD Online Updater, which is turned off -> Probably because this is a Beta and it won't have updates to download. Theres also the old never used for much PBI Updater checker/downloader. Sadly you have to login to root 3 times to view all 3 sub-modules. This sucks, imho it should remember it in a more 'cookie' like fashion... but that's a KDE thing I'm sure.


There are now *TWO* service managers, the KDE one (kde components->service manager) and the PC-BSD one (system administration->services manager) these should be merged IMHO. If not literally into one screen then into a tab bar where you can select 'KDE' and 'PC-BSD' oriented stuff.


Splash screen on boot is off, probably for the beta since its more help to have the messages during testing (imho). Its nice to see that the SMP Kernel was loaded, since I have a Dual Core EM64T Processor.


linux_bas_fc-4_10 provides the Linux Application Binary Interface, Linux xorg, gtk20 runtime, and flashplugin7 packages are also installed into that. Nice to see that not only is there support for ZIP but RAR archives. This is good because you never know when you will encounter an odd .rar or .7z file, to bad theres no 7-Zip support.


The usual GTK+, QT3, and KDE libs are here, C/C++/Python centred development with Perl and Ruby on hand with less tools.


Kaffeine is still the default multimedia player but Amarok is installed (yay!), the existing AllCodecs PBI should work with both. Because Amarok is only setup for the xine engine (which kaffeine uses too).

Its very nice to see the 'start' text gone from the K-Menu button and that the menu is staying lean & mean. Icons are pretty basic and a good set for a desktop. Beryl is installed.... so people can have their eye candy and hopefully not shout on the forums "Why won't feature foo work right with card bar that beryl hates on FreeBSD' hehe. The tray icon icon is on by default and its very in depth. It looks like its some thing I would like but most of the options at first seem to deal with appearances more so then user interaction. Most stuff of major importance seems there. Maybe I'll play with Beryl later.



All in all, PC-BSD's v1.4 Beta looks like a very good overall improvement over the v1.3 Release. Strangely the under the hood FreeBSD system has changed from 6.1-Release to 6.2-Stable, this is the first time I've seen PC-BSD use a FreeBSD -Stable instead of -Release. I find it some one supprising but at this point, I would expect 6.2-Stable to provide more then enough.

Theres still room for improvement but I think in a few years they will get it just right. Ether that or it will become Microsoft-BSD (very strange expression....) and by that I mean, a Pain In The Arse to do any thing to. I think through they will make a very fine Desktop System, not very BSD inspired in the end.... but still BSD under the hood. I'm no mind reader so I'll stop thinking about PC-BSD's release in the year 2012 lol.


I think when the release is made. I'll probably take a weekend, to let any major issues blow by before hand. And dump my home directory and configuration files to the winbox (big harddrive) and any thing else I might want to save, like most of the crap I've done in /usr/local/[dir]/*. Reformat the drive all together, its about a 60GB one. So maybe a 18GB Recovery/Storage partition plus 40GB for PC-BSD v1.4.

Do a clean install and restore my home directory some where and get things working again. To be perfectly honest, even if the 'upgrade' option in the installer is working, I don't trust it to do the job *right*. And every now and then, because my laptop is a PC-BSD v1.1 install that's been updated over the releases, I run into occasional issues that only come from updates from older versions. Not new releases. It also seems like /usr/Programs/ is officially 'the' place to place the PBI. Because /usr/local/MyPrograms links to it instead of /Programs now, which is still a link to /usr/Programs (which I had to create my self as a symlink to /Programs on my laptop).


I think I'll get my laptop hooked up with PC-BSD v1.4 Release and ditch all the PBI and just live with traditional software management... less risk of FUBAR"ing my workstation. If I ever get another laptop, it would be a toss up between OpenBSD and PC-BSD for it. I've never tried OpenBSD under X11 and why I use PC-BSD these days is mainly because I don't want to screw with Xorg+KDE on FreeBSD. Compling it on a Sempron 3300+ (2.0Ghz) and 512MB RAM != my idea of fun.
< br />

http://www.nabber.org/projects/appupdater/

Hmmmmm, I might want to take a look at that later.

Raging Spider

Ok, so I started installing styles for Kopete. Found one I liked and started making changes to it to fit my screen size. I need to resize an image file for one of my tests.

Since kolourpaint sucks at it just as bad as paint.exe I hopped over to www.pbidir.com and downloaded the latest gimp PBI, a development version. And what do I find !? This bastard PBI has no libraries in its installed directory and tries to run pkg_delete on a bunch of packages it DID NOT install. The way FreeBSDs package mangement works I don't think it would do any serious harm since its not forcing any uninstalls. But still, its a pile of buffalo pucky -- wtf does it need to run that in the first place ??

link

So I logged into the forum for the first time in a long while. And lodged a compliant as directed by the website.


I've lived with the idea that getting a PBI made, approved, and hosted is a pretty slack-jawed yokel of a process. But for the love of petes grandma -- at least audit the fucking thing before you give it your 'blessing' of approval.


Some day if I ever make another PBI, I think I'll give a pop up during install.

"Erasing all files on your hard drive -- the drive will self destruct in 13 seconds"


Then give another pop up after a few seconds:

"Just kidding, this was just a test to see if you're doing your job!"



And see if any one gets scarred lol without causing any harm to their PC.